u/Ok_Classroom_178

50 yr old man. Been severely depressed on and off for over 15 years. I'm so fucking done with life and surviving at this stage.

I have no desire to keep living even though it's horrible to say b?c I have a 12 year old son and wife. They 'say' they love me. I know they do NOT. They just feel sorry for me.

I don't remember the last time I smiled or laughed or looked forward to anything. I haven't had a true friend for over 7 years. I have no relationship with my wife, son, or any family members.

I'm fucking DONE! I need to find a way to make it look like an accident and fucking die already.

I can't take it anymore. Severe depression is going to win.

I don't know why I keep fighting this. Ive lost.

I'm sick and tired of constantly being alone. Almost 50 and I do not have a single friend.

My wife and I are complete strangers. She has tried everything to help me.

My young son doesn't care about me anymore. He lost me years ago to this fucking mental disease.

I just need to find the courage to off myself. I would actually love to pay someone to take care of this for me since it's so dam hard.

Fuck this life!

48 yr old father of a 12 yr old son. I've been severely depressed for over half his life. Missed out on a lot of things. When I felt fine I was always present and did so much with him. It was so much easier when he was much younger b/c all he wanted to do is go for bike rides, roller blade, play sports etc. Now that he's getting older and my depression is worse than ever I barely do anything w him. Not that he cares anymore b/c he's always hanging out w friends when he's not at school.

When he's home it kills me that he sees me watching t.v almost every night. It is so hard to anything else after work as I have no interest or desire to do anything else. I barely talk to my son b/c I never have anything to talk about ...other than how was your day. He will never know who I used to be b/f my fucking depression destroyed me. I feel like it's better I was dead b/c at least that way he doesn't have to see me constantly sad or angry and just miserable. He has never asked me what's wrong, but I know he knows something is very wrong with me.

Just feel like he'd be so much better without me. He has no father, no father figure, no man guiding him or teaching him anything. I also have a below average IQ so I struggle with so many fucking things. I wish I never became a father b/c a father should be a rock, a man a child can look up to and learn from. I have nothing. He will be so much better off without me. I just need to die 'by accident'

I have severe depression and its gotten to the point that I am losing my will to live more and more every day. Told my wife I want to stop suffering and just die. She said I may as well just do it already. Other than her and my 12 yr old son (who doesn't give a crap about me) I have nobody. Nobody will care that I'm not around, so what's the point? I have no friends, I mean 0 friends. 2 brothers and a mother who don't care about me. If I died sure they'd be 'sad' but that's the extent of it. They all know I've been suffering for about 20 years so deep down they will all be relieved. To HELL with this life!

Not only has depression destroyed my life, it's destroying my brain. My memory is absolute crap these days and its scary how quickly its going to shit. I know that severe depression and isolation slowly destroy the brain. I'm 50 and been severely depressed for over 15 years. I have no friends, no relationships with ANYONE, even my 12 yr old son. I pray for a freak accident to take me out of this misery!

Im severely depressed. Late 40's (M) I have a wife and a 12 yr old boy. My wife and I are like roommates. Separate bedrooms, no intimacy, nothing. She says she still loves me but I know that is bullshit. My 12 yr old used to want to be with me and hang out and do things up until 3 yrs ago. Now, we hardly ever speak to eachother. I have always been slower than my family members and friends but with this severe depression on and off for 15 years has destroyed my brain. I have NO friends, literally do NOT have 1 friend. No family members care to keep in touch with me so I don't bother with them either. I work a job that I am horrible at and its just a matter of time until I get fired. I have NO quality of life. I am alone 99% of the time, every day. I hate myself so much its unbelievable. This is not a life and I cant change it. So what's the point?