I have hyperhidrosis and years of bullying have left me terrified to live normally
I don't really know how to explain everything, but I desperately need advice.
I have hyperhidrosis and I sweat excessively. It is very difficult for me to control, even when I try extremely hard. The sweating can sometimes cause body odour, and unfortunately people have used this to bully and humiliate me for years.
During college and hostel, students made videos of me, mocked me and shared things about me. I completed college and moved back to my hometown, thinking I could finally start over.
But the bullying and trauma haven't stopped.
People around my house gossip about me. Some people take photos of me and share them with their friends. I hear people calling me "smelly girl" and making hurtful comments when I'm outside. After everything that happened in college, I constantly worry that people are recording me or talking about me.
I know some people may think, "Just control the sweating" or "Just ignore them," but I have tried. *It is genuinely very difficult to control hyperhidrosis.* I can't simply decide not to sweat. I've tried to manage it, but the fear and embarrassment have become much bigger than the physical problem itself.
The things people said to me keep replaying in my head. I'm scared to go outside. I'm scared to get a job because I worry that someone may have my old videos and that they could spread them to people at my workplace.
I'm 23 and I feel like I'm watching people my age move forward while I'm stuck with years of trauma.
I cry in front of my mother because sometimes I genuinely don't know how much more I can take. I don't have enough money for private therapy, and my mental health is getting worse.
Recently someone said something extremely hurtful to me and I completely broke down.
I've started having suicidal thoughts, and I'm scared of where this is going.
*If anyone has experienced severe bullying, public humiliation, hyperhidrosis, or having embarrassing videos/photos shared about them, how did you rebuild your life? How did you eventually become comfortable going outside, getting a job and not constantly worrying about what people were saying?*
Please don't tell me to "just ignore it." I've been trying to survive this for years. I really need practical advice and hope from people who have been through something similar.