u/Ok_Device_3951

Ive been trying to develop more presence in the now recently, been meditating for a month almost. On matters like focusing on something i'm studying, or sititng down and performing active listening, ive been doing it quite well. However, i have no idea on how to be present in the now when i'm doing other things, like cleaning the house, walking around etc. Well, i'm aware thats normal, and that it is mind wandering, but i'm unsure of where to set boundaries for it. My mind always drifts in some chain of thought and when i realize i'm not present at all anymore.

I'm trying to become less aloof and more aware of my surroundings, thats what i'm aiming for at least, less lost in my thoughts.

Do i perform something specific or do i just keep on trying?

https://preview.redd.it/ir6c1qks3lhh1.png?width=720&format=png&auto=webp&s=9817027e89437094c00798fa90d591168137778b

nnaaaaa, this metal rod is glowing green, it looks funky

I do not really know what else to say. All i remember is that it showed her hands and it had a weird hooved structure instead of nails. It covered all her fingertips except the pads below, keeping it soft soo as she could use a cellphone with ease. I think she had 5 fingers?

I do not really know what else to say. All i remember is that it showed her hands and it had a weird hooved structure instead of nails. It covered all her fingertips except the pads below, keeping it soft soo as she could use a cellphone with ease. I think she had 5 fingers?

To contextualize what i mean, id separate change and habits in two types.

1. On the first category, we have punctual, visible habits. Things like going to the gym, reading a book, studying, etc. Things that have a sort of short term gratification, have very noticeable results and, mainly, have punctual manifestation. You choose when you will do one of those, they last for a short period of time that requires your full attention and you can easily ward off the temptation to not do them, its like a minor discomfort or something that you can tap on inner motivations to overcome.
2. On the second category, there is what i call diffuse or background habits. Here lies emotional reactions, personality traits, mentality, on more abstract terms, and in more physical terms, tics, mannerisms, body language, speech, etc, in a way, things that you're constantly doing and everpresent on your life. They have a very long term gratification, soo by fighting, for example, anger issues you're only going to feel gratification years from now when you're more resilient to it and not snap at the most minor incovenience. Training to get rid of a speech impediment is also another example, it will take months or years of constant attention and self monitoring to fix your speech. Those also rarely produce noticeable results for oneself, and mainly, have a very diffuse manifestation: You're not going to pay attention to your speech or anger and fight it off from 1 pm to 2 pm, you're going to do it all the time. Besides that, you're going to require constant, strong willpower that might not always be there to overcome that (and of which might not even be enough!

My problem here is mainly with the latter. I have some serious issues over strong negative emotions, i am really anxious, i get easily frustrated and everything else, for example, and i struggle with cluttering on my speech. Ive tried everything suggested, like meditation and therapy, however nothing thus far has worked. For a while i thought this was mainly because those things don't actually work, but from self observation, i am almost sure this is an issue of willpower and lack of discipline in the correct form to deal with those issues specifically.

I have suceed in assembling a study routine, in managing a decent amount of weekly exercise, reading boosk, etc. Discipline in "punctual" activities has worked fine, but on other sorts, not really. When i try, for example, to fix my body language, i am dealing with constant anger, being reminded that i have to pay attention to every thing i'm doing while i want to focus on something else and stay as it is for the moment. Such discomfort is tiring when you're doing it for a full day, all week, nonstop, and when faced by it, i am gonna be honest and say that the delayed gratification is soo distant that i just dont feel like it most of the time.

On some cases, like with anxiety, the desire to stay on the spiral, to not detach from whats happening and see things in a stoic perspective, letting everything go, is far stronger than any willpower i can muster at such moment, and any discipline i might have for activities.

Soo, what one does to overcome such things? Do i focus on practicing more willpower? thats what ive been thinking thus far but i'm not sure