u/Ok_Initiative_114

I, 15f have lived in my house since mid 2021, I do not have a doorknob on my door due to it falling off before I even moved in. The house I live in is over 100 years old, made in the 1910s.

Randomly, my door will open up from the outside, like someone is opening it from the hallway. This has happened since I moved in. At first, I just assumed it was my little brother (13m) being an ass, but when I went to confront him, he'd say that he was in his room the whole time.

I started to pay closer attention and when the door started creaking, I'd take a look at the hole in my door, I couldn't see anyone's legs indicating that it was not my brother or parents doing it. Sometimes the door will fly open and other times it will open up like three inches.

I've memorized my family's footsteps (You start doing it subconsciously when your room is right by the stairs) and sometimes I'll hear footsteps that aren't my family's footsteps. Sometimes I'll hear people calling my name or like someone is watching me.

I know that people have been born in my specific room (the daughter of the original original homeowner visited the house and talked to my dad and told him she was born in my room). If people were born in my room, then I'd assume that people died in my house as well.

Is there anything else this could be? If it is a ghost than is there anything I can do to tell if it's friendly or not that doesn't involve outright getting a Ouija board and contacting it (ultra-Christian parents, dad dislikes chockers and anything that gives off witchy vibes.)

Edit: Thank you for all of the help, I have a fear of ppl watching me in my sleep, so I was kind of freaking out at the idea of a ghost watching me sleep.

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/ThrowRA-62758 posting in r/AITAH

1 update - Long

Original - 23rd June 2025

Update - 25th June 2025

AITA for wanting to uninvite my sister-in-law from my wedding because she keeps undermining my wedding planning?

Sorry, even after removing some stuff, this turned out to be really long. Throwaway so hopefully Kayla doesn’t find this.

My fiancé, Nate (27M), and I (26F) have been together for almost 3 years. He proposed to me about six months ago, and shortly after, we found out I was pregnant. We are planning on having our wedding in the Spring of next year. Nate has a twin sister (27F) who we will call Kayla.

Nate and I announced our engagement and my pregnancy at the same time. We made a cute little Facebook post with a couple engagement pics and an ultrasound photo that said something along the lines of “The Smith family is going to have TWO new additions!” Kayla commented almost immediately that we will have to wait until next year to actually get married because she looks best in “fall colors” and as my maid of honor she’ll get a say in choosing bridesmaids dresses. I literally stared at my phone screen wondering if I read something wrong. I showed the comment to Nate and asked him why she thought she would be my maid of honor. He had no clue.

So, I texted her and this is how that exchange went:

Me: Hey Kayla, I see you saw our announcement on Facebook. Thank you for being ready to step up for me, but we haven’t started working out wedding logistics yet. And I haven’t picked my bridesmaids, much less my maid of honor. Once we have more details of the wedding worked out, we will let you know. Kayla: Well, you don’t have to choose a maid of honor anymore. I’m your maid of honor. Me: I don’t understand. I never asked you to be? Kayla: You don’t have to ask. That’s what makes me such a good sister. Me: I’m sorry, you are not my maid of honor. Kayla: We’ll see about that.

I showed these messages to Nate who said he would deal with it. I have no idea what the extent of their conversation was, but Kayla never brought up being my maid of honor again. She just reared her ugly attitude in different ways.

As of now, Nate and I have booked the venues, caterer, the florals, decorations and the DJ already. A couple months ago, I invited mine and Nate’s mothers, along with my sister, Sam, (who I asked to be my maid of honor), to do some dress shopping. Kayla found out from her mom and invited herself to tag along. We started by looking for a dress for Sam. I wanted my bridesmaids in a pretty pastel yellow, but Sam’s is going to be more Golden. Kayla would not shut up about how yellow is such an ugly color and I should go with pink or blue instead. She even grabbed a bunch of pink and blue dresses to try on herself. I tried my best to ignore her while her mother entertained her bizarre ideas. Sam and my mother were making constant comments about how it’s my wedding and if Kayla isn’t going to be helpful, she should just leave. Unfortunately, she didn’t and I am too nice to kick her out in front of my MIL who I already have a strained relationship with.

Our mothers were able to shop for their dresses with little interference from Kayla, but as soon as I started trying things on, she had all sorts of things to say. She would tell me that certain styles wouldn’t look good once I had a “baby bod” and even told me I should consider not wearing white since I’m obviously not a virgin. I told her she wasn’t a virgin when she got married either, yet she still wore an adorable white sundress to the courthouse. She grumbled about how that wasn’t the same but I was already halfway back to the changing room. I still don’t know what happened while I was in there, but when I came out, Kayla and MIL were gone and Sam had a smug smile on her face.

I never discussed any details of the wedding with Kayla if I could help it, but I’ve heard Nate sharing some of our plans with her. He told her we were planning on a buffet-style meal because we have a lot of dietary restrictions in our families and that was the cheapest way to accommodate everybody (literally like a few thousand dollar difference) and she told him he deserved someone who wouldn’t “go cheap” on his wedding - even though the buffet was his idea. He told her about our venue choices - he picked the reception venue, I picked the ceremony venue, which is the same place my parents got married. My father passed away and since he cannot walk me down the aisle, I always wanted to get married in the same place he married my mom to sort of feel like he was there with us. She told Nate that my venue choice was tacky and people would make fun of us. When he mentioned he wanted a DJ, she made a comment about how she knew I wasn’t classy enough to want a live band. Each and every time she would make comments like this, Nate would tell her that they were his ideas, but not call her out for how she spoke about me, which I do feel a little hurt by. I’ve expressed this to him and he told me that he would try to do better about calling her out, but she’s just always been this way. I told him that’s no excuse for her to be disrespectful and stick her nose into business that doesn’t concern her. He hesitantly agreed.

On Friday, I got an email from the venue for our ceremony, confirming our cancellation and asking if we needed to reschedule. Shortly after that, I got a voicemail from our caterer explaining that my new wedding planner had just called, but the line had dropped and was wondering if I could pass along her phone number so they could finish going over changes to the menu. I immediately emailed the venue back, saying that no, we are not cancelling or rescheduling, please keep our original date on the books. I called the caterer, who explained that a woman had called and said she was my new wedding planner. She had said that I wanted to make some changes to the contract, namely switching from a buffet-style to plated meals. I told him that this was not the case. I do not have a wedding planner and please do not make any changes unless contacted by me or Nate directly with the contact information we have on file. The caterer suggested putting a “password” on file, also. He said he wouldn’t make any changes unless the person requesting them knew the password. I called both venues and all of our other vendors to put in place the same types of precautions. They all gave their sympathies for me having to deal with this.

When Nate got home from work I confronted him about it. I told him someone tried to cancel my venue and change our catering. I told him the only person it could be is Kayla. He tried to deny and say that she wouldn’t do it, but I reminded him of how she’s undermined and insulted me during every step of this engagement. I told him I wanted her uninvited. I will give someone who has already done so much to make this wedding stressful the opportunity to do something like show up in white. He fought me on this but I basically told him that I felt disrespected by HIM over how he is allowing Kayla to treat me. I’m his partner and the mother of his child. My feelings and comfort should be more important to him than his sister’s childish antics.

We met with her for lunch earlier today and once we got dessert, he asked her if she was trying to make changes to our wedding plans. She said, and I quote, “Well, yeah. It’s the maid of honor’s job to make sure the bride is making the right decisions.” Before Nate could even say anything, I told her she is not my maid of honor, and even if she was, that would not give her the authority to undermine our decisions and make changes to the wedding plans and BUDGET behind our backs. She said she didn’t see what the big deal was since her grandmother had offered us a pretty large chunk of change as a present to help pay for the wedding. I told her again, the wedding budget is none of her business. She tried to argue but I just cut her off. I told her that her behavior regarding our wedding thus far has been nothing but disrespectful and insulting. I told her trying to cancel my venue had crossed the line and she was no longer invited to the wedding.

She seemed absolutely shocked by this. She looked at Nate, waiting for him to defend her. And then he did. He looked at me and said, “why don’t we give her one more chance?” I asked if he was kidding, he said no. That Kayla was only doing what she thought was best for us, and now that we’ve told her that it wasn’t okay, we should give her a chance to correct her behavior. I didn’t even respond. I just got up and left. I went and got in my car and drove home, thinking to myself if he wanted to side with his sister, then he could rely on her to get home. I ignored him trying to get ahold of me.

Once at home, I packed a small bag and left for Sam’s house. I told her everything and she told me I could stay as long as I needed to. But now she’s at work for the night and that’s where I am now. Trying to process what just happened. Trying to figure out when I became 2nd place in Nate’s life. Trying to figure out if there’s any way to fix what he just broke in me. He keeps switching between asking where I am, telling me he didn’t think this was that big of a deal, and apologizing and asking me to come home and talk.

I don’t feel ready to talk to him just yet, I’m still too upset and I feel like I’ll do or say something I will regret like call off the wedding altogether. I just told all my vendors that we aren’t canceling the wedding, but right now I kind of want to. I don’t know if it’s my hormones making me feel crazy or if I’m valid in how hurt I’m feeling. I just don’t know what to do or what to think.

So, AITA for not wanting to give her a second chance? Or is my fiancé right that she deserves a chance to prove herself before she’s uninvited from the wedding altogether?

TL;DR - my sister in law continues to insult my wedding choices and tried to cancel my venue and change my catering contract. I want her uninvited, my fiancé wants to give her another chance now that we’ve told her this behavior is unacceptable.

Comments

Present-Duck4273

You are in the right and I think a wedding cancellation or at least delay is in order until he can show you come before his sister. His sister tried to change the venue that was meaningful for you because it was a reminder of your father. To cancel that over anything else is not just over the line, but it’s cruel. You gave him many chances to get her in line. He failed.

One thing I would recommend IF you do go forward with him is that when meeting with her let him take the lead, even if you do t agree with what he is saying. It will be the biggest indicator of his mindset and ensures that she doesn’t/can’t blame you for boundaries he is placing.

>OOP: Thank you. He keeps saying I just don’t know her well enough to know that all her comments and “jokes” are harmless. But this one wasn’t just a comment, she actually tried to cancel my venue. I honestly couldn’t care less about the catering, that one was just weird. But my venue was special. It was too far.

Chaoticgood790

Your fiance is spineless and his sister is a delusional bully. You also said you have a strained relationship with his mother. Why are you marrying into this mess?

**Judgement - NTA**

Update - 2 days later

First of all I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who read my original post and offered their judgements and advice. Writing this out really helped me process what I was feeling and hearing that I wasn’t overreacting or just being hormonal from people that are removed from the situation was very comforting. I read every single comment and there is no way to express how much all the kind words meant to me. There were lots and lots of comments asking for an update, but I wanted to wait until after I had talked to Nate.

I spent last night at Sam’s house and mostly ignored Nate’s texts and calls. Kayla texted me once also telling me to not let my hormones make me irrational. I just blocked her, but someone advised to unblock and just silence her notifications so if she escalates, I could maybe use it in court for my custody case. I did unblock her, earlier today (and I’m glad I did. But we’ll get there).

I replied to Nate at one point last night telling him that I was safe and at Sam’s house and that I would be home tomorrow (today) after work to talk about everything. I expressed again that I was feeling really hurt about not being heard or backed up by him and that I needed time to decide what I wanted to do. He asked what I meant by that, if I meant canceling the wedding altogether. I told him that is exactly what I was considering. His reply? “Don’t let your hormones make you do something irrational. We’ll talk tomorrow.”

Anyone else want to take a guess as to where he got that line? That just about made my decision for me. I didn’t reply, not even when he texted me “good night, I love you.” Instead, before I went to bed for the night, I sent him a link to my post and told him to read through it before we talk. Someone said he probably sent it to Kayla, too. If she did read it, she hasn’t commented and if she texted me about it, it was while I had her blocked.

This morning, I called in to work and had breakfast with Sam. She gave me the number of a family lawyer that her friend used for his custody case. I spoke to the assistant, explained my situation, and luckily, she had a slot open after lunch for an initial consult. So I took a shower and basically just kept reading through the comments on my post until it was time to talk to her.

I told the lawyer exactly why I am leaving Nate and how I am terrified over how his sister would influence him with our baby. I don’t trust him to not be influenced by Kayla and to have our baby’s best interest in mind, so I want to fight for sole custody and supervised visitation. I told her, if possible, I want to include something that restricts Kayla from having any contact with my child. I am already mentally preparing to have to fight Nate in court, because I know he will not agree to any of this. My lawyer told me that while my concerns are valid, it may be difficult to convince a judge to put a contact restriction in the custody order based on family drama alone. She advised me to document everything Kayla has done and anything moving forward so we can present it to the judge if and when we end up in court. She gave me a list of things to think about, like if I want Nate to get any custody at all or just visitation, how I want to handle things like medical care or education for my child, if I want to put communication restrictions, like only talking over text. Lots of things I never would have thought of and never thought I would have to think of. We were supposed to do all of this together.

She told me to take a few days to gather my thoughts and decide on what I want. I scheduled an in-person meeting for this Friday to go over everything. Hopefully I will have my mind straight by then, but if anyone has any advice when it comes to what to put on these custody papers, I’m all ears.

After the phone call with my lawyer, I checked some more comments and then took a much needed nap. When I woke up, I had a text from Nate asking what time I would be off work so he could have dinner ready for me when I get home. I told him I would be there around 5, but if Kayla is there, I will be turning around and leaving without a word. I then asked him if he read the post I sent him. He said “I did. But I would rather talk to you than read you bash me and my sister on the internet with a bunch of strangers. Don’t worry, I told Kayla she’s not welcome.” This pissed me off beyond belief. Clearly he either didn’t read the post, or still doesn’t realize how truly in the wrong they are here. Either way, I lost all motivation to try and talk to work things out. I’m just done.

I texted him “Don’t worry about dinner. All I will be doing is gathering some more things and dropping off my lawyer’s contact info. There’s nothing more for us to discuss.”

He asked what I meant, what lawyer, and told me he’s been waiting to talk about this. All I said was “fine”.

Sam wished me luck before I left and assured me I was welcome back once we were done talking. I told her I absolutely would be back and thanked her for everything so far. Then, I stopped and got one of those boba refreshers from Starbucks to calm my nerves before I went home.

When I got home, Nate had dinner ready just like he said. I ignored him and just went straight to our room to pack up some more of my clothes and toiletries. He tried asking me if I really wasn’t going to talk to him, but I just ignored him for the time being. Just seeing his face made my anger flare up and I wanted to be smart about our discussion. After a while, he gave up and just went to eat in the dining room.

When I was finished I went and sat with him at the table, but didn’t touch any of the food. I started a voice memo on my phone before I said, “Go ahead.” He looked at me all confused so I told him he was the one that wanted to talk and must have so much to say. So, Go ahead.

He stumbled over his words for a while but ultimately started off with an apology, trying to tell me he didn’t realize I was so upset with Kayla’s behavior. I asked him if he remembered how hard I cried after I got home from dress shopping because of her comments about my choices and my body. If he remembered having to talk to her about not being my maid of honor. If he remembered our conversation just a few days ago, where I told him canceling my venue that held so much sentiment to me was way too far over the line. He said he did each time and tried to add a “but” to argue, but I just cut him off with my next example. I told him that after all of that, he 100% should have known I was beyond done with her bllsht. I told him I was so hurt and pissed that I wanted her uninvited. But he wanted to give her another chance? To what? Cancel our DJ and book a live band? Dye my dress red or show up in white herself? He told me she would never do that. I told him he told me she would never cancel my venue, but then she admitted to it in front of our faces. I told him I don’t trust his opinion on his sister and that he is just as delusional as she if he thinks she will change.

I asked him why he even told her so many details of our wedding anyway. Why does her opinion for our wedding even matter?

He tried to tell me that because Kayla didn’t get to have a real wedding when she got married, she was just a little too excited about ours. I told him she has all the right in the world to be excited. But that does not give her any rights to insult or change our choices regarding what we want for our wedding. She’ll have plenty of opportunities to have a real wedding. If she could stop for two seconds and take her nose out of our wedding business, she could go out and find a man or woman to marry herself. (Poor soul whoever that may be.)

I asked him, what’s next? She gets to name our baby since she lost her own? The look on his face made my stomach feel hollow. He told me, and I quote, “actually, Kayla does have a few ideas for what we could name our daughter.”

Daughter!?

Side note: I had mentioned in a comment previously that we were waiting to be surprised about the gender of our baby. We were discussing baby names and had settled on the top three for each gender. We agreed to keep them to ourselves until the baby is born.

I asked if he said “daughter” and he looked like a deer caught in my headlights. He backtracked but I pressed the issue. I asked him flat out if he knows the gender of our baby. He hesitated, but ultimately confessed to remembering that I filled out an information release form at my first OB visit, so he called the office and asked them for the results of our gender scan, claiming that we changed our minds and he was going to do a reveal for me. I feel absolutely sick and violated. I asked him what the fuck he was thinking. He said Kayla was feeling left out since Sam was planning my baby shower and not including her and that she just couldn’t wait to find out.

I demanded he tell me everything. What else has he gone behind my back to do? Did he give her the idea to pretend to be our wedding planner? Was he the one that had her cancel my venue and change our catering? He tried to tell me no, of course not. She did that on her own. But I could just tell that he was lying. He absolutely put her up to all of this. At that point I didn’t even care why he did. It’s clear that none of our decisions will ever actually be ours. He will always do whatever the hell he wants to and get Kayla to back him up. I don’t even want to think about how many of “our” decisions in the past were completely undermined and changed by these two.

I asked him, if Kayla came to him and told him everything I’m telling him. That she doesn’t feel supported by her partner. The her partner went behind her back to learn the gender of their baby without her. That her partner was retroactively, changing every decision that they had agreed upon. That her partner was letting their sibling bully her relentlessly, what would he say to her? He didn’t have a response and honestly, if he did, I didn’t want to hear it anymore. I knew the answer.

I told him that as the woman who is supposed to be his wife, me and the baby I am carrying should be his top priority, not his twin sister. I said him going behind my back like this for something as important as the gender of our baby is absolutely unforgivable. There is nothing that he can say or do to fix this now. I told him I will no longer be marrying him, but it’s up to him if he wants to cancel all the vendors. I said, “You’re more than welcome to use it all to marry Kayla, seeing as she’s the one you obviously care the most about.”

He tried to backtrack and apologize and explain, but every time I just cut him off and told him that I had heard enough, and my mind was made up. There is no going back now. If he wants to have even the slimmest chance to get me back and have a real relationship with our baby, he will need to attend some serious therapy and do a lot of work on himself and his relationship with Kayla. I told him no woman in her right mind would ever marry him while he was this enmeshed with her. I told him that any contact we have moving forward will be through my lawyer. I want nothing to do with his family, and if I get what I want, they will have nothing to do with my daughter because I’ll be damned if I let him subject her to this treatment. I put my lawyer’s name and phone number on the table and walked out. He didn’t try to follow me.

So now, on top of dealing with my lawyer for the custody case, do I have to file a complaint with my OB office? Are they allowed to just give him this information without my express consent? Or did me stupidly putting him on the information release form I signed give them blanket consent to share any and all information with him? God I didn’t think this could get any worse, but I guess that’s on me for being naive.

I’m glad I recorded the conversation, though, and got him admitting to doing all of this. I don’t know how or if it will help my custody case, but I sent it to my lawyer with a note that we can discuss more on Friday.

I’m back at Sam’s place now. She was already at work when I got back, but I texted her to wake me up when she gets home. I need my sister.

I also called my mom and told her everything that’s happened so far. She cried with me for a while and then asked me if I needed her to do anything. I asked her if she’d be willing to go to the house with Sam and get the rest of my stuff because I do not want to see Nate right now. Just picturing his face is making me feel sick. She said she is more than willing.

Kayla did text me again. I’m assuming Nate talked to her after I left. It was a very long, cruel message that I don’t want to repeat here. I can post a screenshot if anyone cares for the whole message (If I can figure out how to attach one) But to summarize she just called me a delusional control freak who can’t let Nate make any decisions for himself and insulted my venue choice once again. And then said that she hopes my baby is stillborn because I don’t deserve to be a mother. Honestly, I after reading it, I thought the message would hurt, but it just gave me a really good laugh. I took a screenshot and sent it to my lawyer as well.

And that’s where we’re at. The wedding is off. I will call all the vendors tomorrow and see if we can get any deposits back. If not, I’ll let them know to contact Nate and Kayla to see if they would like to keep things as planned. Let them throw a party for all I care. But I will be canceling my venue regardless of my refund. Neither of them are going to step foot in that sacred place if I can help it.

I didn’t realize how much I was letting this weigh on me until now. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders, even though a new one is settling very quickly. Writing everything out like this is truly so freaking helpful for me to process how I’m feeling and what I need to do. I don’t know if I’ll keep doing formal updates, but for anyone who is interested, maybe I’ll just treat this profile like a little journal as this all unfolds. Thank you again to everyone for all your advice and for showing me that I’m not crazy.

Comments

Crazydogfostermom

NTA-I’m glad you are not going through with the wedding. Also very smart of you to record your conversation with Nate. Please follow your attorney’s instruction. I hope you can move home with your mom or go live with your sister. Kayla is crazy and you need to put security cameras up for your protection. It might be better for you to move out of state to have primary and hopefully 100% custody of your daughter. Revoke the release of medical information. Lock down your medical records with a password since Nate knows your date of birth and probably your social security number. I’m proud of you.

pmousebrown

Lock down credit also since anything Nate knows Kayla knows and I wouldn’t be surprised if she tried further identity theft.

>OOP: Not something I would ever think of. Luckily our finances are mostly split still, but he does know my social. Just another thing to add to my to-do list for tomorrow.

ChenilleSocks

I know this is really overwhelming, but I would also encourage changing passwords to your email and banking or anything specific that Nate could have access to and therefore Kayla could have access to. Consider getting a new credit card issued as well. She’s unstable enough from what you’ve shared that I wouldn’t want her to create even more chaos for you. Wishing you all the best and I’m so sorry that this is happening.

Fire_or_water_kai

Wow. If Nate reads this... your sister just wished your baby dead. I bet you'll comfort her for saying it.

Spineless POS.

I hope her statement gives some weight to your argument that she shouldn't have contact with the baby and that Nate isn't responsible, coherent, and so many other words I want to say that will get me trouble, enough to care for a child. I can't wait to read an update a while from now where you're thriving and so is the baby, OP.

Gladtobealive2020

I put comment on another comment as well and am adding it here also because i believe karla is very mentally unstable and i feel OP and possibly her child could be in danger and she needs to talk to her attorney and make plans now to prevent karla having ANY access to the baby even if her brother is present.

Reading your update i literally felt sick for you. But then by the end i felt like this is a gift from God that you find out the truth about your fiance and his sister BEFORE you are legally bound to him. BEFORE you give birth.

You should talknto your lawyer about this but i think if you are in the US if you put him down as the dad on the birth certificate that that gives him the ability to file for custody. Even if he wants 50/50 or .less this means 50% of time your baby will likely be being cared for by KArla and your brother or just karla. So i hope you talk to your lawyer and get a restraining order against karla and bar her from being in your presence or the presence of your child.

She truly is stark raving mad. Convincing your fiance to tell HER the sex of your child before you the mother knows. Can you imagjne how many other ways she will overstep with your baby. The fool might try to nurse your baby (you know because she hasnt gotten to experience that and your idiot bf prob would go along with it and not see any issue). Whereever you plan to give birth you need to make sure karla is barred from entering your room, talking to staff about you or the baby, or interacting with the baby.

I cannot.stress this enough, she is unstable maybe psychotic she knows no boundaries and you are about to give birth to a child that is 1/2 her brother. And she most certainly will lose her mind when you eatablish hard boundaries which you need to do now. You need to make sure your lawyer arranges it so that when your bf has the child that karla cannot be present. She is a danger to your marriage and maybe to you and your child. When she learns she wont have unfettered access to " her" baby (qhich she obviously thinks she has more right to it to the baby than you the mother, to convince her brother to go behind your back and find out the sex for her), she could attack you physically and try to harm you or your unborn.child. she could be insane enough to try to cut the baby out of you. I am not trying to scare you or be melodramatic but i want you to understand she is mentally unstable, people who are unstable are unpredictable and it is no telling what she is capable of once triggered and once the realization sinks in that her unfettered access to your life is over.

You havent been in a relationship with your fiance this entire relationship. Youve been in a relationship with a composite your fiance and karla. Every single aspect of your relationship has been affected by karla and what karla wants for her life. It is like she is living vicariously through you and planning to marry her own brother. She will never have a relationship because she doesnt have enough room in her heart for anyone but her brother. .

I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.

Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments