u/Ok_Permit5135

we've been officially dating for a month but we've been acting like a couple for 4 months. we sometimes argue (not really the right word) because of my insecurities and fears of him losing interest or being unfaithful, and he has told me if it continues he cant continue the relationship. i have an anxious attachment which makes it worse, but how can i start trusting him more and not rely on his messages for my happiness? i want to be better for him but its hard when i feel like i care more than he does. we're planning on meeting next year so i want to make sure we get to that

end of junior year stats as a first gen low income latina in massachusetts:
- 4.5 gpa
- top 1% of class
- will have done 8 AP classes (3 on seminar, 4 on modern world, think I can pass the AP tests i did this year)
- 1340 SAT superscore (retaking)

awards:
- College Board National Recognition Program: First Generation Recognition Award
- seal of biliteracy
- national honor society
- national technical honor society
- ap scholar award

ecs:
- weekly volunteer at the hospital (for 4 months now)
- student advisory board for mental health (at a bigger hospital)
- part time job (20+ hours a week)
- tutor
- co-captain of math team
- 2 harvard medical school certification (MEDscienceLAB program)
- graphic designer for amnesty international club (also just help with fundraisers)
- snowboarding club
- cpr/aed certified, osha certified

Is this good for honors:

1. College Board National Recognition Program – First Generation Recognition Award
2. state seal of biliteracy
3. national honor society
4. national technical honor society
5. ap scholar award (havent gotten it yet but im confident i will when scores come out)

and for extracurriculars:

⁠1. weekly volunteer at the hospital (for 4 months now)
2. student advisory board for mental health (at a bigger hospital)
3.part time job (20+ hours a week)
4.harvard medical school certification (MEDscienceLAB program)
5.tutor
6.co-captain of math team
7.graphic designer for amnesty international club (also just help with fundraisers)
8.snowboarding club

btw my major will be nursing so lmk if i ranked them in importance good

ive never done anything with a guy, like not even held hands or kissed anyone. meanwhile his body count is 7 and he has had multiple girlfriends. when we first started getting to know each other he let me know he struggles with lust & would watch porn a lot. hes told me that he doesnt watch it anymore since meeting me. i dont believe him at all, how could he struggle with lust but meet me and suddenly not? im nothing special, and i havent been enough for any man to like me so i dont see how it could be different now. im also so insecure and scared that he'll compare me to one of his hookups or some porn he watched. i keep torturing myself thinking about his past and how i wont be able to compare. idk what to do