Iam the one who is left behind always
I grew up in an Asian brown household. I have just one elder sister, so we are a family of four.
Growing up, my sister was always the smarter one. She got good grades, received appreciation, participated in extracurricular activities, and had a much fairer skin tone. She was also soft-spoken because she was very good at pretending in front of people. She was known for being obedient, while I was known as the rude, ill-mannered, and tantrum-prone kid.
Growing up, I constantly faced body-shaming and comments about my skin colour. I was called dumb and a failure, and I was even told that one day I would need my sister's money as charity to survive.
After a few years, when I became a teenager, I started working on myself. I improved my skin, started taking better care of myself, lost weight, became more confident, and started doing better academically.
Meanwhile, my sister was sent abroad for her studies. During that period, she changed a lot. She started liking a boy and now spends most of her time chatting with him. She started ignoring my parents, didn't get a job, and even became ill-mannered with them. But, like I said, she knows how to pretend to be good in front of other people.
When it was finally my turn to study abroad, my family faced financial difficulties and couldn't send me. I prayed so much and cried, but nothing happened. Eventually, I found a university in my own hometown that offered an international UK degree. I compromised. I have a lot of anger issues, but what else could I have done?
We live in a flat in a bad location. My parents promised that we would move to a better house if I agreed to stay and study here, so I agreed. But once again, because of financial problems, we couldn't move.
Whenever my sister comes home for vacation, my mother is desperate to buy her new clothes and do things for her. I'm not saying that my parents don't love me—they do. They show me affection and support me. But I have never felt prioritized.
I've felt insecure since childhood. I've been carrying this hurt for years, constantly wondering, Why can't they put me first? Why is she always the special one? Why does she always seem to be above me?
I've cried secretly, wondering why they never seem to care about me, no matter how hard I try. I always feel like I'm being left behind, and I'm still the one who gets called ill-mannered.
Am I wrong for feeling this way?