While most iit have had atleast 30 companies in their intern drive we have hardly had 5.
Many branches haven’t gotten a single chance to sit in OA even uptill now(first company came almost 20 days back)
Hi everyone this is my first time writing on this topic or even expressing upon this to anyone
For context I am an Indian male (19 yrs old ) and currently I have come back for holidays after my second year in college.
I am currently in an IIT and my brother is in 12th standard.
My mother is a homemaker.
I live in a tier 1 city and my father earns above 20 lakhs a month doing a white collar job(it’s not like we are uneducated or something)
This is about the whole family situation I have at my house.
I have a nuclear family( my parents and a 3 yr younger brother)
I don’t how to say this but yesterday night my father slapped my mom.
From my childhood I have seen my mom and and my father arguing over petty issues(it’s like every time my father scolds only when we make a mistake but those are like too small and I don’t feel like that much anger should be expressed over such a small issue)
He used to beat me in my childhood as much as I remember(not like from the motive to hurt me like slaps on shoulder, comb se Heath pe mRNA and sometimes belt se bhi, but he avoided beating me above neck)
Issues could be anything from loosing something he bought me on first day or simply forgetting to turn of the light of the bathroom.
He used to say in front of others ki “mai nhi marunga toh duniya maregi”
(CAUTION: I don’t want to portray him as the villain of the story I am just telling away all the truth so you people can analyze)
He is not a drunkard and no other form of substance harm he has done.
In the past almost every week I have seen my mom and dad fighting over any issue and my dad is like many a times abusing her with a lot of bad words(most common- chu\*\*ya or simply brwakoof, pagal.
And when my mom tries to retaliate he has in the past slapped her also.
(Also many a times they abuse each other’s parents also)
One time I remember on 31st December of some year my mother accused of something which I know was rubbish but that simply boiled my father’s blood and he acted like a total lunatic like pushing my mom on the bed and trying to hold her mouth( I was like 12-13 yrs old and was standing there doing nothing, all my life I regret not standing in between, I WAS A COWARD)
But my father had something in him he always treated us like this and then later in some days apologised and then everything would be at peace for sometime until the next altercation.
Fast forward to yesterday’s incident
So it was like some petty issue(my mother forgot to put the pipe of washing machine into the bathroom to water to drain out even though my father had warned her of this that she would miss this if she would continue to watch her phone)and then the worst of the thing happened - the water spill out and she was busy watching phone
(CAUTION- I don’t want to portray my mother as the villain as well)
they started arguing a lot about it( I admit though that my mother made the mistake because my father had in advance warned her off that happening) maybe she was just a bit careless and then my father started abusing her with the baddest of the words.
He also said - “ ye may sochna ki tumhare here hai Abhi toh mujhe tujhe Marne se bacha lenge”
And my mom also in the heat of moment used to reply with things
“Ghatiya Aadmi thuu hai tum pe”
ALSO NOTE THAT THE PHYSICAL ALTERCATION HAD REDUCED VERY MUCH WITH HER IN THE PAST 4-5 yrs
Then they were wiping off the water bit by bit while continuing to argue
My father was wiping the master bedroom area while my mother was wiping the hall
Then my father entered the second bedroom and started to wipe there and while being there he started to say
“Agar tumhare family ko rupay na bhejo toh tumhari maa mar jaegi “
For context- my nana is dead and my nani is sick and although she has 3 sons other than my mom to my opinion they don’t take care of her(basically she is just taken care of that she lives)
This line boiled my mother’s blood and she like shouted boht kuch and father was angry too she entered the second bedroom and he said
“Kar saaf yaha chu\*\*\*\* pura bed ke neeche kar”
And my mom got very angry she started shouting on his mouth then my father slapped her with a good amount of strength
She started to grab him and beat him as well and then while trying to do so she fell cause of the water.
I shouted ki “Aree sir pe lag jaegi as I ran when I saw him slapping”
And my father said - “ haa lag jaye mar jaaye”
( note I was already thinking about how all of this had again started and then this physical thing happened very quickly until I reached to stop by being between them and I held my mom when she was falling)
Uske baad he said ki
“Samjh ni Ara hai hoti kri hai toh sun lena chaiye kyu flu ka argue krna, jab pta hai mai guess kyu behas krna”
I said” aapko maarne ka hak kisne diya , Mai maaru aapko”
He was a bit shocked because earlier i only used to stnd in between when i was small and just tell mom to keep quiet( maybe cause i was scared myswlf)
He grabbed my hand took me to the hall and said
“Maro, Chalo maaro”
He was not challenging me he was legit like ki tumhe shi lgta hai tumhari maa hai toh maaro mujhe
I said “mai aapki yeah nhi hu papa, baat hi baat hoti hai maarne se nhi”
Woh kehte rhe “ nhi maro na”
I then said ki tumhe” ye sab bachpan se krke aap mujhe aur bhai ko kya seek ha the ho kabhi socha hai”
He was like “ haa galat sikha rha hu”
Mai bola “ Mai manta hu mummy glti thi lekin thappad maarne ka haq kisne diya”
He said “ Maine khud ko wo Haq diya hai kisi aur ne nhi”
Mai toh chup rha fer kya hi bolta
and then he went away to the kitchen to wipe( I feel cause he let out that frustration on her he was relaxed)
My mom started crying and cursing , my brother started crying I started to console both
Then she wiped off that room as well.
Uske baad sab saaf kiya mummy ne
(1 ghnte laga ke)
Papa ne bhi kiya fer woh dono sone chale gye
An I was thinking the whole time about what dad said, kya agar mummy apne sir pe grotto toh kuch emergency jaisa ho jata, what if Mai beech mei nhi ata, what if aisa tab ho jab Mai ghr mein naa rhu and all other things
(Maarne ke baad puri time dad shaant rhe)
Past mei bhi side situations hue toh yehi hota ki papa guess hote then mummy bolti rhti, dono el dusre ke parents pe bolte and then papa maar dete(and gusse me uss moment aisa feel ho jata ki he beats with the intent to hurt even though it’s a slap) and then maarne baad shaant rhte and mummy roti and do teen din baat nhi hoti fer papa mana lete.( this is so toxic)
Mummy humesha bolti ki mai iss liye inke saath hu kyuki ye earn Krte and tuition ka future hai and unke parents ko bhi support Krte
Again- not making my father the villain because truly I love my family
And there is no doubt on normal days we are like a loving family and my father loves my mother a lot but anger changes him( it’s almost like a different personality takes control)
Then jab sab so gye I am thinking a lot about all this;
Why did they marry at the first place(they had an arrange marriage)
I truly believe my father shouldn’t have married
Why is my father like this
Why is my mother like this
Why I was born
Why not divorce
I fear if I will carry any form of toxicity out of this ahead in my life
What if other people know about this , how will they react( the very image of a loving family how will that change), what will they think of me, my father, my mother
What impact this must have created on me that I am unaware of right now
I fear marriage right now to be honest
I also thought about some scenarios from now on:
I don’t want to have my parents as the villain I would be more than happy to have myself as the villain and end all of this at once.
Complain to police and have the divorce sorted out( but then I rethink ki we are a family)
Run away from house but currently I cannot support anything( in this case also my running won’t stop things it could only make it worse that there would be my absence)
I should ki\*\* my parents and then commit suici\*\* so that no form of toxicity travels to my brother and I take the full blame
I should ki\*\* my parents and then stage it
Freeing me and my brother from all of this
(Being at little selfish for myself because I have life to live and also support my brother)
I am just very confused right now
Please understand my pov and if possible don’t judge me, all this might also sound like a a rant
Because this is truly whatever came to my mind while writingse
Hi everyone this is my first time writing on this topic or even expressing upon this to anyone
For context I am an Indian male (19 yrs old ) and currently I have come back for holidays after my second year in college.
I am currently in an IIT and my brother is in 12th standard.
My mother is a homemaker.
I live in a tier 1 city and my father earns above 20 lakhs a year doing a white collar job(it’s not like we are uneducated or something)
This is about the whole family situation I have at my house.
I have a nuclear family( my parents and a 3 yr younger brother)
I don’t know how to say this but yesterday night my father slapped my mom.
From my childhood I have seen my mom and and my father arguing over petty issues(it’s like every time my father scolds only when we make a mistake but those are like too small and I don’t feel like that much anger should be expressed over such a small issue)
He used to beat me in my childhood as much as I remember(not like from the motive to hurt me like slaps on shoulder, comb se Heath pe mRNA and sometimes belt se bhi, but he avoided beating me above neck)
Issues could be anything from loosing something he bought me on first day or simply forgetting to turn of the light of the bathroom.
He used to say in front of others ki “mai nhi marunga toh duniya maregi”
(CAUTION: I don’t want to portray him as the villain of the story I am just telling away all the truth so you people can analyze)
He is not a drunkard and no other form of substance harm he has done.
In the past almost every week I have seen my mom and dad fighting over any issue and my dad is like many a times abusing her with a lot of bad words(most common- chu\*\*ya or simply brwakoof, pagal.
And when my mom tries to retaliate he has in the past slapped her also.
(Also many a times they abuse each other’s parents also)
One time I remember on 31st December of some year my mother accused him of something which I know was rubbish but that simply boiled my father’s blood and he acted like a total lunatic like pushing my mom on the bed and trying to hold her mouth( I was like 12-13 yrs old and was standing there doing nothing, all my life I regret not standing in between, I WAS A COWARD)
But my father had something in him he always treated us like this and then later in some days apologised and then everything would be at peace for sometime until the next altercation.
Fast forward to yesterday’s incident
So it was like some petty issue(my mother forgot to put the pipe of washing machine into the bathroom for the water to drain out even though my father had warned her of this that she would miss this if she would continue to watch her phone)and then the worst of the thing happened - the water spill out and she was busy watching phone
(CAUTION- I don’t want to portray my mother as the villain as well)
they started arguing a lot about it( I admit though that my mother made the mistake because my father had in advance warned her off that happening) maybe she was just a bit careless and then my father started abusing her with the baddest of the words.
He also said - “ ye mat sochna ki tumhare bete hai Abhi toh mujhe tujhe Marne se bacha lenge”
And my mom also in the heat of moment used to reply with things
“Ghatiya Aadmi thuu hai tum pe”
ALSO NOTE THAT THE PHYSICAL ALTERCATION HAD REDUCED VERY MUCH WITH HER IN THE PAST 4-5 yrs
Then they were wiping off the water bit by bit while continuing to argue
My father was wiping the master bedroom area while my mother was wiping the hall
Then my father entered the second bedroom and started to wipe there and while being there he started to say
“Agar tumhare family ko rupay na bhejo toh tumhari maa mar jaegi “
For context- my nana is dead and my nani is sick and although she has 3 sons other than my mom to my opinion they don’t take care of her(basically she is just taken care of that she lives)
This line boiled my mother’s blood and she like shouted boht kuch and father was angry too she entered the second bedroom and he said
“Kar saaf yaha chu\*\*\*\* pura bed ke neeche kar”
And my mom got very angry she started shouting on his mouth then my father slapped her with a good amount of strength
She started to grab him and beat him as well and then while trying to do so she fell cause of the water.
I shouted ki “Aree sir pe lag jaegi as I ran when I saw him slapping”
And my father said - “ haa lag jaye mar jaaye”
( note I was already thinking about how all of this had again started and then this physical thing happened very quickly until I reached to stop by being between them and I held my mom when she was falling)
Uske baad he said ki
“Samjh ni Ara hai hoti age glti kri hai toh sun lena chaiye kyu fltu ka argue krna, jab pta hai mai gusaa hu kyu behas krna”
I said” aapko maarne ka hak kisne diya , Mai maaru aapko”
He was a bit shocked because earlier i only used to stnd in between when i was small and just tell mom to keep quiet( maybe cause i was scared myswlf)
He grabbed my hand took me to the hall and said
“Maro, Chalo maaro”
He was not challenging me he was legit like ki tumhe shi lgta hai tumhari maa hai toh maaro mujhe
I said “mai aapki jaisa nhi hu papa, baat se baat hoti hai maarne se nhi”
Woh kehte rhe “ nhi maro na”
I then said ki” ye sab bachpan se krke aap mujhe aur bhai ko kya seekha rhe ho kabhi socha hai”
He was like “ haa galat sikha rha hu”
Mai bola “ Mai manta hu mummy glti thi lekin thappad maarne ka haq kisne diya”
He said “ Maine khud ko wo Haq diya hai kisi aur ne nhi”
Mai toh chup rha fer kya hi bolta
and then he went away to the kitchen to wipe( I feel cause he let out that frustration on her he was relaxed)
My mom started crying and cursing , my brother started crying I started to console both
Then she wiped off that room as well.
Uske baad sab saaf kiya mummy ne
(1 ghnte laga ke)
Papa ne bhi kiya fer woh dono sone chale gye
An I was thinking the whole time about what dad said, kya agar mummy apne sir pe girti toh kuch emergency jaisa ho jata, what if Mai beech mei nhi ata, what if aisa tab ho jab Mai ghr mein naa rhu and all other things
(Maarne ke baad puri time dad shaant rhe)
Past mei bhi side situations hue toh yehi hota ki papa gusaa hote then mummy bolti rhti, dono ek dusre ke parents pe bolte and then papa maar dete(and gusse me uss moment aisa feel ho jata ki he beats with the intent to hurt even though it’s a slap) and then maarne baad shaant rhte and mummy roti and do teen din baat nhi hoti fer papa mana lete.( this is so toxic)
Mummy humesha bolti ki mai iss liye inke saath hu kyuki ye earn Krte and tumahara future hai and unke parents ko bhi support Krte
Again- not making my father the villain because truly I love my family
And there is no doubt on normal days we are like a loving family and my father loves my mother a lot but anger changes him( it’s almost like a different personality takes control)
Then jab sab so gye I am thinking a lot about all this;
Why did they marry at the first place(they had an arrange marriage)
I truly believe my father shouldn’t have married
Why is my father like this
Why is my mother like this
Why I was born
Why not divorce
I fear if I will carry any form of toxicity out of this ahead in my life
What if other people know about this , how will they react( the very image of a loving family how will that change), what will they think of me, my father, my mother
What impact this must have created on me that I am unaware of right now
I fear marriage right now to be honest
I also thought about some scenarios from now on:
I don’t want to have my parents as the villain I would be more than happy to have myself as the villain and end all of this at once.
Complain to police and have the divorce sorted out( but then I rethink ki we are a family)
Run away from house but currently I cannot support anything( in this case also my running won’t stop things it could only make it worse that there would be my absence)
I should ki\*\* my parents and then commit suici\*\* so that no form of toxicity travels to my brother and I take the full blame
I should ki\*\* my parents and then stage it
Freeing me and my brother from all of this
(Being at little selfish for myself because I have life to live and also support my brother)
I am just very confused right now
Please understand my pov and if possible don’t judge me, all this might also sound like a a rant
Because this is truly whatever came to my mind while writingse