u/Only-Mixture-4424

Hi, I'm a pure romantic and bright winter. Some of the things recommended for pure romantics are the opposite things that are recommended for bright winters. Like pure romantics subtle small flower prints for example versus bright winter graphics, like high contrast stripes or polkadots.

What are your does and don'ts when you are this combination? And do you know celebrities that have this combination, so I can get some inspo?

Hoi, ben ik dit, of merken jullie het ook?

Toen ik een tiener en begin 20'er was werd ik nagefloten, nagekeken, aangerand bij het uitgaan, etc. Maar ik heb het idee dat het toen meestal best stiekem gebeurde. Bijvoorbeeld dat jongens dan elkaar beschermde en niet lieten weten wie me aangerand had bijvoorbeeld (niet dat dat het beter maakte ofzo), of je zag dat mannen nog voorzichtig probeerde te kijken (ook al waren de meeste mannen toen ook al niet goed in subtiel genoeg zijn).

Ik ben nu 30 (maar lijk 25) en ik ga bijna niet meer uit, maar als ik dit doe dan merk ik het een en het ander. De laatste keer dat ik echt in de kroeg was, sprak een man me aan op een vriendelijke manier, dacht ik dan. En toen liep een vriend van hem voorbij en ze hadden het ongegeneerd over mijn kont enzo. Oh, en ik heb grove, vaak zwarte humor en maakte een grap en die gast zei tegen me: "Dit mag jij niet zeggen als vrouw zijnde." Laatst ook in het ziekenhuis zelfs, mijn vriend had een afspraak bij de kaakchirurg, en ik vroeg aan de arts of ik mee kon bij de verdoving laten zetten. En toen overhoorde een man van een jaar of 50 mij, en die zei: "Je mag ook wel met mij mee hoor." Terwijl er ook gewoon andere mensen in de wachtkamer zaten. Gisteravond maakte mijn vriend en ik een avondwandeling, en een gast op een fiets ging super sloom fietsen, en staarde mij op een hele enge manier aan. Terwijl mijn vriend daar dus gewoon bij was! En een tijd geleden had ik Flink besteld, en toen ik de deur open deed bekeek de bezorger mij ongegeneerd helemaal van top tot teen.

Denk ik nou dat er iets is veranderd in de manier waarop dit gebeurt, of merken jullie dit ook? Ik heb het idee dat veel mannen dit dus gewoon steeds normaler beginnen te vinden.

Edit: It the explanation for why the post was deleted they also said something like: They are still human. And that hurts so freaking much, that is seriously super painful because my parents were so good at hiding the abuse, this is what I heard all my life. But they are still your parents.. All parents mean well... They just couldn't do better, etc etc. I strongly believe that most kids don't get seen, don't get the help they need because of this toxic dismissive mindset that so many of us have, even a lot of psychologists have this mindset... Not all parents mean well, not all parents want their kids to succeed, not all parents love their children, not all parents protect their children, not all parents want to take care of their children, not all parents are introspective and can change, because not all parents are mentally healthy enough for that.

Post deleted because I apparently used dehumanizing language.

I'm not someone who uses internet therapy speak, without understanding it. But when you grow up with a parent who has a cluster B personality disorder and so many people don't understand what that's like, you have to to be able to be heard as a victim of abuse in trauma therapy.

I understand my parents are people, they had very traumatic childhoods, and that's why they got mental health issues. I feel empathic towards there inner children, and I understand they didn't choose to become like this. They were victims of their parents, but just because they did the things they did to me because of mental health issues, doesn't mean that it didn't happen and that I wasn't also a victim. I have cPTSD because of how they treated me.

You can both recognize that someone hurt you because they were hurt, but that doesn't mean that you have to pretend it all doesn't matter, because they didn't know better. I don't see them as monsters, but I do see them as people who have serious mental health problems.

And not being able to talk about this on this platform, makes me feel like I am the one being dehumanized. Because it makes me feel like I have to hide my past.

I went nocontact with my parents 4 years ago now. I have cPTSD and had trauma therapy that worked very well, had a lot of personal growth etc. The last year has been the best year of my life, I still struggle, but I also feel happy sometimes. I can enjoy small things now and don't worry so much anymore. So I'm pretty content overall and have a lot of hope for my future.

I have been tempted to go back to my parents at times, but never did it and I feel good about it. I have let go of a lot of things.

The one thing I really can not let go of is the way they pretend nothing happend. I don't know how to deal with the idea that they know what they did but think their status/image is more important and/or they are too delusional/narcissistic to really see that they are abusive. And the idea that my own parents think their lies are more important than being there for their child kills me. The betrayel sometimes is just is too much for me, I don't know how to.get over that. I don't want contact with them anymore. But I have a very difficult time closing that chapter of my life (kind of because it will always stay a part of me) without them acknowledging what they did to me and my sister.

I tried fixing stuff, having conversations with them since I was a kid. Tried to make them open up about their past. Tried to get them to go to therapy. Took them to family therapy etc, but nothing worked because they can't or won't look in the mirror (no empathy, no introspection). When I was a little kid I told my mom how scared I was of my father (I thought I was safe with her) and she laughed at me and told me to tell my father that because it was not her problem. And the last time I had a conversation with my mom, when I was low contact, she got into victim mode and said that she had it way worse than me growing up. She started crying and saying that it was not her fault that she always sees the good in other people (she was talking about my father who is an absolute piece of shit, nothing good I can say about him). She also judged me for not being like her in that way. Before that conversation she also came to me crying about why I wasn't more like her, and why I wasn't a ray of sunshine like her (she is the coldest most unempathic person I have ever met, and she sees herself as a warm, caring person).

I know that they are never going to apologize, I know that they are never going to own up to what they did. But still, the feeling of how unfair it is to me and my sister makes me so mad. My mother wrote me a letter a few years ago and blamed my partner (who is so good to me and has helped me so much over the last years) and my therapist (who also helped me a lot and was super kind to me). And she tried to befriend my mother in law and told her that I started to have difficulties with my dad months before that (and she told her I was bad for her son). But we had "difficulties" aka them abusing me, since I was a toddler. My dad sent me a few text messages over the years and he tried to hang out with me. He said stuff like: Hey, want to go grab a drink and sent heart emoticons, without saying anything serious. Just like he did when I still lived with him and he abused me. He would abuse me, then go downstairs. Then 5min later he would ask me to have a drink with him or something like that and he would call me buddy and rub my shoulders. Pretended like we were best friends, 5 minutes after he abused me. Still the same man, so the same text messages. And it's not that I expected any more from them. I know what kind of people they are. Very fucked up people. But still, it hurts me so much that they have only dismissed and ignored me and not even have tried to be honest for once. I don't think they have it in them to be honest about anything, but still, it hurts a lot.

Sorry for the rambling.. Tried to keep it short, but emotions came out. Can anybody relate to this? And how did you get over this? So how can you heal this part without closure?

Looking for a similar mini series or a movie that has a similar vibe. I love psychological thriller series and movies. I loved the plottwist, characters and loved that there was some supernatural sci-fi kind of stuff in it.

My favorite genres are psychological thrillers, sci-fi, romcoms, (black) comedy and magic realism, fantasy that has magic realism aspects in it, and I love indie movies but doesn't have to be indie. So psychological thriller on it's own is also nice, but would love to find some series/movies that mix different genres.

Not really into super scary horror stuff, but love scary psychological stuff. I like weird eerie characters that make you feel uncomfortable. So the main character doesn't have to be a good person or a hero. I'm interested in cults so if it's about a cult, someone in a cult or a cultleader that would be a +.

I have ADHD and I'm good at pattern recognition, so a plottwist that you really don't see coming or see coming but later in the movie/series would be awesome.

Examples of series/movies I love: 'Prisoners', 'The Girlfriend', 'Nightcrawler', 'The Sinner', 'American Psycho', 'Black.Mirror'.

I absolutely hated 'Heretic' because of how scary he was. So preferably no movies with men abusing women in it.