u/Oopsie_Daisy6

We broke up 3 months ago. A bit over 2 months no contact. We broke up due to his unavailability emotionally (he could never tell me he loves me during our 2 and a half year relationship, even when I begged) and wanting different things. It ended with a lot of love, neither of us wanted it.

A few days ago I finally blocked him. I noticed him watching my stories and it sent me into a spiral of checking if he's watched more and checking his profile for changes (there never was any, besides deleting all his photos).

Ive missed him every day since our break up, it was the kind of break up where i thought my legs would give out on me, that I couldn't support myself as he kissed my forehead and left. Its been hard.

Ive been feeling guilty about blocking him. Worried that he might think I hate him. I dont necessarily want to start anything up again, I just want him to know I blocked him for my own sanity and not from hating him.

Thoughts? Has anyone else ever felt guilty from blocking their avoidant?

I still miss you every day. There isnt a day i dont think of you. I wish you would reach out, but I know you never will.

I'm stuck somewhere between missing you and knowing how unavailable you were emotionally. I know i deserve better, but i still miss you on the cold quiet nights. You never told me you loved me no matter how much i begged, but i still remember the way you would kiss me before you left. I still hope that you'll reach out, but also don't know if I'd respond. I know i need to move on, but i also don't see myself ever dating again and letting go of my feelings for you feels like letting go of the romantic inside me, and I don't know how to let her die. I simultaneously want to keep her alive but also never see that part of myself again or ever feel the pain that loves brings again.

Loving you means losing myself, but so does letting go.

I feel like my heart is shutting down since you. The thought of dating, opening up or trusting someone to reciprocate feelings is actually replusive to me. I'm starting to really believe i really am I'm better off alone. I think you might have been the last straw.

I think you turned me avoidant, like you.

I miss you less now, but the weekends are still hard. I still feel that ache of wishing to have you next to me. But also remembering that you haven't once reached out to me, and you wont, because you avoid all feelings and vulnerability.