u/Opposite-End9713

Hi all, reaching out for advice as I’m growing increasingly desperate.

I applied for study leave in march for placement commencing in July. The study leave policy accounts for 5 days per year + 1 day per week to attend study. The 5 days per year was approved in April but I recieved no response to the request for the 1 day per week until June, which was rejected. I followed up multiple times over this period.

Obviously I need the leave, and the rejection (and its timing) has left me scrambling for options.

Reasons for rejection are varied and unclear, including the course of study not being a “core requirement” of my role, despite my pointing out the policy’s mention of established relevance, not requirement, and prior approval.

The course is also listed as “preferred” in my position description, so clearly relevant. Other staff members have been approved for study leave for less relevant courses of study.

I have requested a review of actions from HR however have not received a response in over 2 weeks.

In my discussions with management I am being talked over and becoming increasingly frustrated. This comes after being told when I made the application that I would have the support of management and even being assisted by my manager at the time in writing the request.

Do I have any other options for review/recourse? In my view the decision lacks alignment with policy, is inconsistent with the prior approval, and demonstrates unfairness due to other team members being approved for less relevant courses.

As I said, I’m desperate at this point so any helpful advice is welcome.

Hi fellow narc kids.

My Dad is a narcissist, and even tough I moved out 7 years ago and we have minimal contact (spoken twice this year), he still believes he has a say in what I do and I find myself worried about what he thinks to this day, despite him having no real control (I pay all my own bills and am completely independent), it’s all mental.

Do you have any tips or mantras to help let go of this feeling? There is nothing he could do to exercise his control other than harass or send abusive messages/emails, but the threat of those shouldn’t affect me as much as they do.

I’m in my 20s which I understand is young in terms of healing. Advice from everyone is welcome.

I have a new(ish) boyfriend and my mom came to visit me for a few days for my birthday.

I introduced him to her as my boyfriend, the three of us had dinner together. It went okay I guess.

As I’m dropping her off at the airport the next day, she tells me “don’t take things with him too seriously before you know where it’s going” and “just keep him as a friend”. I was confused and upset, she knows he’s my boyfriend, I introduced her to him as such. She also makes passing comments like “when you get a boyfriend” and “don’t get a boyfriend yet”, I reminder her that I do in fact have a boyfriend and she’s somewhat dismissive of this.

When I told her he got me a birthday gift, her response was “tell him no presents!” and to tell him not to buy me any more. I asked why and she didn’t have an answer. Is she jealous?

For context, my bf is a lovely guy. Educated, respectful, polite, there’s no issue or reason for her not to like him. I even asked her if she didn’t like him and she said he seemed lovely.

For context, she is married (2nd husband, not my dad) but unhappily. I’m not sure what’s going on but open to input from others. Thanks.

Saw a reel today about a couple that got pregnant a few weeks after their wedding, which was supposedly not the plan (I’m curious what they actually did to prevent it, but whatever).

Top comment was “This is a genuine fear of mine, because I really want to enjoy just being with my future husband for 1-2 years!”

The way that was worded was so strange to me. You can actually enjoy just being with your husband forever and not procreate a third person to take all of your time and energy. When you get married, an option exists to devote all of yourself to that person. Sometimes I think about the couples that separate due to the stress of kids, or couples that no longer get time for each other anymore. I’m not surprised it no longer feels like the deal you signed up for if when you got married you were in love and free of all that additional responsibility.

On the other hand, I once worked with a lady who had 3 teenagers, her and her husband were separating and she told me, “sometimes I think we haven’t loved each other for far longer than we thought, but the kids kept us so busy and now we actually have the time to reflect”.

Relationships are complicated enough, I don’t understand why some couples are unable to simply spend time together and enjoy one another’s company and support one another (like the purpose of marriage lol) and have to add a spanner in the works by having children. One glance at the regretful parents subreddit and you’ll see this theme arise, people having kids just for the sake of it and ending up miserable, missing their partner the way they were before. Strange.

There’s an epidemic at my workplace at the moment where everyone seems to be getting pregnant (may that life never find me). Idk why but women on maternity leave feel the need to bring their babies in while everyone is working so everybody can coddle them and gush over how cute they supposedly are. Of course everyone stops what they’re doing for 20-30 minutes and talk about feedings and nappies and how cute they think the baby is. I can’t stand it lmao. I don’t like babies at all and think it’s a waste of time that honestly can be done off the clock. I’m autistic and don’t understand why people do a lot of what they do but this befuddles me. My running theory is that the mother is lonely and bored and wants a grown up to talk to in full sentences for a change. Of course the baby periodically screams and cries while I’m trying to get work done. Crazy to me that they feel entitled to interrupt everyone’s work day, this happens all the time.

Also side note, colleague asked me today if I’m having a baby because apparently everyone is. I said “fuck no” and one of my pregnant coworkers heard and sounded offended lol. Not my problem don’t care didn’t ask.