u/Opposite-Pickle-3183

I work from home and I am so sick during my 1st trimester. I have been moving meetings around so I can sleep in. I’m totally exhausted. I’m doing the work required but I’m behind on non critical emails and some projects. I haven’t told my manager yet because it’s still early - 10 weeks. I’m so afraid I’ll get in trouble.

I used to want to get promoted but now I just want to survive this and not get fired. This is a great job and is so accommodating of working parents (i have a 2 year old). I feel so bad for slacking.

My 2 year old is starting daycare and has to wear close toed shoes after mostly wearing sandals and going barefoot (we live somewhere warm). She is not loving it! My mom noticed that she walks a little duck footed (toes pointed inward) in the shoes and is worried they’re too heavy or not a good fit. They’re ten little brand, Velcro, pretty light and there’s def space in the toe. Is this something to be concerned about or is she just getting used to wearing shoes?

Anyone else’s parents talk big game about their culture’s grandparenting but then kind of bail when you had kids?

My mom’s favorite topic growing up was how American culture is bereft of family values and our culture is all about family. And one example was, grandparents will take such good care of their grandkids and then the kids take care of their aging parents. She would go as far as to say, don’t worry about your career, just have kids and I’ll raise them!

Well that turned out to be all talk!

My parents are soooo disinterested in being active grandparents. They’re like, we’re done! We’re traveling! Doing our thing! They don’t call, they don’t FaceTime, they don’t visit. When we visit, they barely make time to see our child. We just happen to coexist in the same house and they have fun playing with our toddler at bedtime. It’s not that they don’t love our child - they do. They just don’t want to inconvenience their busy social calendar by doing anything with their grandkid.

It is making me understand their intense, high pressure, mean and strict style of parenting more. They had kids, needed to extract a result out of them by any means necessary (good career, good marriage, grandkid), and now that the results are finished, it’s like they don’t want a relationship anymore. They’re like burned out from family. Our kid is like conversational material with their friends who have grandkids but not someone they want to get to know.

Meanwhile my white American in laws - the ones with no family values supposedly - begged us to move to their city so they could help out, and we did. And they provide so much childcare during the week, are always telling us to go do date nights, have a fridge full of foods our toddler likes, etc.

It’s kind of nuts. I remember our grandparents stayed with us for months at a time to help out. I guess our parents have become more “Americanized” than they thought they were!

I love my sister dearly; she was there for me in the delivery room for my first baby, was there for me every step of the way with my post partum depression, and has been an incredible aunt.

I now live a 3 hour flight away from where she and my parents live and am pregnant with my second.

Her wedding is in our hometown for when I’m 36 weeks pregnant.

She says she cannot change the date (it’s in April). I don’t think this is the case since they’ve only booked the venue and nothing else but it’s not my wedding so not really my place to ask them to.

I work from home and our daughter (2) is currently in daycare. We could plausibly go to the wedding, deliver there at the same hospital I gave birth to for my first, and I could stay at my parents’ home for a month or two (without husband who works from home but can’t leave the state for work regulatory reasons)

But I’m so stressed about the implications.

Finding new temporary childcare for my daughter (grandparents are not the childcare type). Getting established with my old OB again (would they let me?). Figuring out how to get all our newborn and toddler care stuff here.

I would much prefer to fly back to our new home and could on Delta but is that risking my second baby’s health for a wedding?

It is not normal in our culture to miss your close family’s wedding. They are a big big big deal. So I don’t know what to do!!!!