u/OrangeDego

Advertencia: este texto contiene menciones de autolesiones, abuso sexual, adicciones y contenido para adultos.

(Sorry si se lee raro, lo traduje con Google translate pq lo escribi originalmente en inglés y me da pereza hacerlo otra vez)

Mi novia (18M) y yo (20H) llevamos saliendo unos 6 meses. Antes de formalizar nuestra relación, intercambiamos información sobre posibles obstáculos o problemas que pudieran afectarla. En esa conversación, ella me confesó que se autolesiona y yo le dije que luchaba contra una adicción a la pornografía. Ambos estamos trabajando en ello a nuestro propio ritmo. Yo llevo unos 6 meses en terapia y ella 6 años, y además está medicada.

También me comentó que, aunque no tiene un diagnóstico de trastorno límite de la personalidad (TLP), sí presenta rasgos de este trastorno, y que esto podría afectar nuestra relación. Pensé: "Puedo con esto, nada que un poco de comunicación e inteligencia emocional no pueda solucionar". La verdad es que mi novia es muy distante y parece no escucharme, y eso me preocupa.

Ambos tenemos problemas con la intimidad, ella mucho más por haber sido víctima, y siempre he hecho todo lo posible para que se sienta presente, segura y cómoda, porque sé lo vulnerable que es esta situación para ella. Y ha sido... malo. Llora, se siente incómoda o directamente me dice que me aparte de ella. Respeto sus decisiones y sigo adelante, ya que el sexo no me interesa demasiado. Pero esto es lo que me duele: me repetía que la razón por la que tuvo relaciones conmigo era porque tenía miedo de que, si no lo hacíamos, yo me pusiera a ver pornografía. Le expliqué con cuidado que eso no solucionaría nada, ni todos los problemas que conlleva. Incluso su terapeuta le dijo exactamente lo mismo, el problema es que no escucha. Ella recibe la información no como una sugerencia, sino como un ataque personal, todo el tiempo.

Un día le dije que me sentía mal al tener relaciones sexuales con ella porque la hacía sentir asqueada o sexualizada, y me respondió: "Solo tócame, podías hacerlo antes". Y "Hagámoslo cuando te olvides de esto en dos semanas". Eso me dolió mucho, porque ella me ve como un hombre lujurioso que quiere usarla, pero no lo soy, de verdad que no. He hecho todo lo posible por hacerla sentir segura, ¿y esto es lo que recibo? Siento que me está diciendo que "sea un hombre".

Ella sabía que veía pornografía y que estaba en un proceso psicológico para ayudarme a dejar de hacerlo, pero un día le conté que había recaído, como ella lo había hecho conmigo antes. El problema es que, cuando ella recae, la consuelo y me aseguro de que tenga un espacio seguro donde nadie le grite ni la juzgue, sino que se sienta comprendida y querida. No hago preguntas ni la juzgo, sino que le ofrezco calma después de la tormenta. Pero cuando yo recaí, ¡madre mía!, me llamó "mentiroso, infiel, lujurioso, cobarde, débil, patético" y tantas cosas que uno no quiere oír, y mucho menos cuando se trata de esto. Sigo pensando y diciéndole "lo estoy intentando" y que ella es la única que veo, y que entiendo por qué está molesta, pero es inútil. Parece que quiere que yo sea perfecto después de 6 meses de terapia cuando ella no lo es en más de 6 años; me parece casi hipócrita. Me dijo que había hablado con alguien sobre mi situación, lo que significa que ahora alguien más sabe de mi adicción, alguien que podría conocerme o verme. ¿En qué mundo esto es aceptable? Y cuando le pregunté quién era, me dijo: "Eso no importa". ¡Claro que importa! Dijo: "No puedo seguir así" y ahí lo dejó.

Parece que cualquier pequeña cosa que me molesta termina conmigo disculpándome y ella enfadándose conmigo. Anoche mismo se enfadó porque no revisé su perfil de TikTok para ver sus publicaciones compartidas. No hago eso, ni se me pasa por la cabeza. Le digo: "Puedo empezar a hacerlo si te hace sentir mejor". Y me llama "exagerada" y dice que es raro, así que ¿qué se supone que debo hacer? No puedo mostrarle ninguna emoción que no sea felicidad absoluta, porque si no piensa que la odio y quiero terminar con ella. Tengo que aceptar ver todas las películas que quiere o se enfada. Siento que tiemblo cada vez que me pide algo porque tengo miedo de que se enfade si le digo que no. Me duele la cabeza cuando discutimos porque se niega a escucharme; en cambio, solo se centra en ella y en cómo se siente. Me estoy esforzando al máximo para que funcione, pero no sé cuánto tiempo más podré aguantar. Me siento atrapado, pero la quiero.

Perdón si es largo, gracias por leer :(

Advertencia: este texto contiene menciones de autolesiones, abuso sexual, adicciones y contenido para adultos.

(Sorry si se lee raro, lo traduje con Google translate pq lo escribi originalmente en inglés y me da pereza hacerlo otra vez)

Mi novia (18M) y yo (20H) llevamos saliendo unos 6 meses. Antes de formalizar nuestra relación, intercambiamos información sobre posibles obstáculos o problemas que pudieran afectarla. En esa conversación, ella me confesó que se autolesiona y yo le dije que luchaba contra una adicción a la pornografía. Ambos estamos trabajando en ello a nuestro propio ritmo. Yo llevo unos 6 meses en terapia y ella 6 años, y además está medicada.

También me comentó que, aunque no tiene un diagnóstico de trastorno límite de la personalidad (TLP), sí presenta rasgos de este trastorno, y que esto podría afectar nuestra relación. Pensé: "Puedo con esto, nada que un poco de comunicación e inteligencia emocional no pueda solucionar". La verdad es que mi novia es muy distante y parece no escucharme, y eso me preocupa.

Ambos tenemos problemas con la intimidad, ella mucho más por haber sido víctima, y siempre he hecho todo lo posible para que se sienta presente, segura y cómoda, porque sé lo vulnerable que es esta situación para ella. Y ha sido... malo. Llora, se siente incómoda o directamente me dice que me aparte de ella. Respeto sus decisiones y sigo adelante, ya que el sexo no me interesa demasiado. Pero esto es lo que me duele: me repetía que la razón por la que tuvo relaciones conmigo era porque tenía miedo de que, si no lo hacíamos, yo me pusiera a ver pornografía. Le expliqué con cuidado que eso no solucionaría nada, ni todos los problemas que conlleva. Incluso su terapeuta le dijo exactamente lo mismo, el problema es que no escucha. Ella recibe la información no como una sugerencia, sino como un ataque personal, todo el tiempo.

Un día le dije que me sentía mal al tener relaciones sexuales con ella porque la hacía sentir asqueada o sexualizada, y me respondió: "Solo tócame, podías hacerlo antes". Y "Hagámoslo cuando te olvides de esto en dos semanas". Eso me dolió mucho, porque ella me ve como un hombre lujurioso que quiere usarla, pero no lo soy, de verdad que no. He hecho todo lo posible por hacerla sentir segura, ¿y esto es lo que recibo? Siento que me está diciendo que "sea un hombre".

Ella sabía que veía pornografía y que estaba en un proceso psicológico para ayudarme a dejar de hacerlo, pero un día le conté que había recaído, como ella lo había hecho conmigo antes. El problema es que, cuando ella recae, la consuelo y me aseguro de que tenga un espacio seguro donde nadie le grite ni la juzgue, sino que se sienta comprendida y querida. No hago preguntas ni la juzgo, sino que le ofrezco calma después de la tormenta. Pero cuando yo recaí, ¡madre mía!, me llamó "mentiroso, infiel, lujurioso, cobarde, débil, patético" y tantas cosas que uno no quiere oír, y mucho menos cuando se trata de esto. Sigo pensando y diciéndole "lo estoy intentando" y que ella es la única que veo, y que entiendo por qué está molesta, pero es inútil. Parece que quiere que yo sea perfecto después de 6 meses de terapia cuando ella no lo es en más de 6 años; me parece casi hipócrita. Me dijo que había hablado con alguien sobre mi situación, lo que significa que ahora alguien más sabe de mi adicción, alguien que podría conocerme o verme. ¿En qué mundo esto es aceptable? Y cuando le pregunté quién era, me dijo: "Eso no importa". ¡Claro que importa! Dijo: "No puedo seguir así" y ahí lo dejó.

Parece que cualquier pequeña cosa que me molesta termina conmigo disculpándome y ella enfadándose conmigo. Anoche mismo se enfadó porque no revisé su perfil de TikTok para ver sus publicaciones compartidas. No hago eso, ni se me pasa por la cabeza. Le digo: "Puedo empezar a hacerlo si te hace sentir mejor". Y me llama "exagerada" y dice que es raro, así que ¿qué se supone que debo hacer? No puedo mostrarle ninguna emoción que no sea felicidad absoluta, porque si no piensa que la odio y quiero terminar con ella. Tengo que aceptar ver todas las películas que quiere o se enfada. Siento que tiemblo cada vez que me pide algo porque tengo miedo de que se enfade si le digo que no. Me duele la cabeza cuando discutimos porque se niega a escucharme; en cambio, solo se centra en ella y en cómo se siente. Me estoy esforzando al máximo para que funcione, pero no sé cuánto tiempo más podré aguantar. Me siento atrapado, pero la quiero.

Perdón si es largo, gracias por leer :(

As a Trigger Warning; there’s mentions of SA, Self Harm, addictions and NSFW here.

I (20M) and my girlfriend (18F) have been dating for around 6 months, before we formally started our relationship we exchanged information about each other as what could be possible obstacles or problems that could carry onto our relationship. In this conversation she disclosed with me that she self harms and I said that I had been struggling with a porn addiction, situations in which we’re both working on at our pace, I’ve been going to therapy for about 6 months and she’s been going for 6 years and she’s under medication.

She also expressed to me that, while she’s not diagnosed with BPD, she does have traits of it, and that it could affect our relationship. I thought to myself: “I can handle this, nothing a little communication and emotional intelligence can’t fix”. The truth is, my girlfriend is a brick wall and doesn’t seem to listen to a word I say, and it’s been bothering me.

We both struggle with intimacy, her a lot more due to being a victim, and I have always done my best to make her feel present, safe and comfortable, because I know how vulnerable of a position this is for her. And it’s been… Bad, she cries or feels gross or downright tells me to get off of her, I respect these decisions and carry on, as I don’t really care about sex that much.

But this is the part that makes me hurt, she kept telling me that the reason she had sex with me was because she was scared that if we didn’t, I’d go watch porn. I carefully explained to her that, that wouldn’t fix anything, and all the struggles it carries with it. Even her therapist told her the exact same thing, problem is, she doesn’t listen.

She receives information not as an input or a suggestion, but rather as a personal attack, all the time. I told her one of these days that I felt bad when being sexual with her because it made her feel gross or sexualized, and she told me “Just touch me, you could do it before.” And “Let’s just do it when you forget about it in like two weeks”. That really hurt, because she sees me as just another lustful man who wants to use her, but I’m not, I really am not, I’ve been trying my damnest to make her feel safe, and this is what I get? It feels like she’s telling me to “be a man”.

She knew I watched porn, and that I am actively in a psychological process to help and get me to stop doing it, but one day I told her that I relapsed, like she did with me before. The problem is, when she relapses, I comfort her and make sure she has a safe space where nobody yells or judges her, but lets her feel seen and cared for, I don’t ask questions or judge but rather offer calm after the storm. But when I relapsed, oh boy, she told me I was a “liar, cheater, lustful man, coward, weak, pathetic” and so many things that you don’t want to hear, much less when dealing with this. I keep thinking and telling her “I’m trying” and tell her that she’s the only one I see, and that I understand why she’s upset but it’s to no use. It seems like she wants me to be perfect after 6 months in therapy when she isn’t in over 6 years, it seems almost hypocritical to me. She told me she spoke to someone about my situation, which now means someone else knows about my addiction, someone who might know me or see me, in what world is this okay? And when I asked who that person was, she said “that doesn’t matter.” Yes it does! She said “I can’t keep doing this” and left it at that.

It seems like every minor thing that bothers me ends up with me apologizing for it and her getting mad at me, just last night she got mad at me because I didn’t “stalk” her TikTok profile to see her reposts. I don’t do that, it doesn’t go through my mind. I tell her “I can start doing that if it’d make you feel better.” And she calls me “performative” and says it’s weird, so what am I to do??

I can not show a single emotion with her that isn’t complete and total happiness because otherwise she thinks I hate her and want to break up with her, I have to agree to watch every movie she wants or she gets upset, I can feel myself shaking whenever she asks me something because I’m afraid that if I say no she’s going to be upset. I get headaches when we argue because she refuses to listen to me, instead focuses on things regarding her and how she feels only, I’m really trying my hardest to make it work with her, but I don’t know how much longer I can keep this up, I feel trapped, but I love her.

Sorry if it’s long, thank you for reading :(

As a Trigger Warning; there’s mentions of SA, Self Harm, addictions and NSFW here.

I (20M) and my girlfriend (18F) have been dating for around 6 months, before we formally started our relationship we exchanged information about each other as what could be possible obstacles or problems that could carry onto our relationship. In this conversation she disclosed with me that she self harms and I said that I had been struggling with a porn addiction, situations in which we’re both working on at our pace, I’ve been going to therapy for about 6 months and she’s been going for 6 years and she’s under medication.

She also expressed to me that, while she’s not diagnosed with BPD, she does have traits of it, and that it could affect our relationship. I thought to myself: “I can handle this, nothing a little communication and emotional intelligence can’t fix”. The truth is, my girlfriend is a brick wall and doesn’t seem to listen to a word I say, and it’s been bothering me.

We both struggle with intimacy, her a lot more due to being a victim, and I have always done my best to make her feel present, safe and comfortable, because I know how vulnerable of a position this is for her. And it’s been… Bad, she cries or feels gross or downright tells me to get off of her, I respect these decisions and carry on, as I don’t really care about sex that much.

But this is the part that makes me hurt, she kept telling me that the reason she had sex with me was because she was scared that if we didn’t, I’d go watch porn. I carefully explained to her that, that wouldn’t fix anything, and all the struggles it carries with it. Even her therapist told her the exact same thing, problem is, she doesn’t listen.

She receives information not as an input or a suggestion, but rather as a personal attack, all the time. I told her one of these days that I felt bad when being sexual with her because it made her feel gross or sexualized, and she told me “Just touch me, you could do it before.” And “Let’s just do it when you forget about it in like two weeks”. That really hurt, because she sees me as just another lustful man who wants to use her, but I’m not, I really am not, I’ve been trying my damnest to make her feel safe, and this is what I get? It feels like she’s telling me to “be a man”.

She knew I watched porn, and that I am actively in a psychological process to help and get me to stop doing it, but one day I told her that I relapsed, like she did with me before. The problem is, when she relapses, I comfort her and make sure she has a safe space where nobody yells or judges her, but lets her feel seen and cared for, I don’t ask questions or judge but rather offer calm after the storm. But when I relapsed, oh boy, she told me I was a “liar, cheater, lustful man, coward, weak, pathetic” and so many things that you don’t want to hear, much less when dealing with this. I keep thinking and telling her “I’m trying” and tell her that she’s the only one I see, and that I understand why she’s upset but it’s to no use. It seems like she wants me to be perfect after 6 months in therapy when she isn’t in over 6 years, it seems almost hypocritical to me. She told me she spoke to someone about my situation, which now means someone else knows about my addiction, someone who might know me or see me, in what world is this okay? And when I asked who that person was, she said “that doesn’t matter.” Yes it does! She said “I can’t keep doing this” and left it at that.

It seems like every minor thing that bothers me ends up with me apologizing for it and her getting mad at me, just last night she got mad at me because I didn’t “stalk” her TikTok profile to see her reposts. I don’t do that, it doesn’t go through my mind. I tell her “I can start doing that if it’d make you feel better.” And she calls me “performative” and says it’s weird, so what am I to do??

I can not show a single emotion with her that isn’t complete and total happiness because otherwise she thinks I hate her and want to break up with her, I have to agree to watch every movie she wants or she gets upset, I can feel myself shaking whenever she asks me something because I’m afraid that if I say no she’s going to be upset. I get headaches when we argue because she refuses to listen to me, instead focuses on things regarding her and how she feels only, I’m really trying my hardest to make it work with her, but I don’t know how much longer I can keep this up, I feel trapped, but I love her.

Sorry if it’s long, thank you for reading :(

As a Trigger Warning; there’s mentions of SA, Self Harm, addictions and NSFW here.

I (20M) and my girlfriend (18F) have been dating for around 6 months, before we formally started our relationship we exchanged information about each other as what could be possible obstacles or problems that could carry onto our relationship. In this conversation she disclosed with me that she self harms and I said that I had been struggling with a porn addiction, situations in which we’re both working on at our pace, I’ve been going to therapy for about 6 months and she’s been going for 6 years and she’s under medication.

She also expressed to me that, while she’s not diagnosed with BPD, she does have traits of it, and that it could affect our relationship. I thought to myself: “I can handle this, nothing a little communication and emotional intelligence can’t fix”. The truth is, my girlfriend is a brick wall and doesn’t seem to listen to a word I say, and it’s been bothering me.

We both struggle with intimacy, her a lot more due to being a victim, and I have always done my best to make her feel present, safe and comfortable, because I know how vulnerable of a position this is for her. And it’s been… Bad, she cries or feels gross or downright tells me to get off of her, I respect these decisions and carry on, as I don’t really care about sex that much.

But this is the part that makes me hurt, she kept telling me that the reason she had sex with me was because she was scared that if we didn’t, I’d go watch porn. I carefully explained to her that, that wouldn’t fix anything, and all the struggles it carries with it. Even her therapist told her the exact same thing, problem is, she doesn’t listen.

She receives information not as an input or a suggestion, but rather as a personal attack, all the time. I told her one of these days that I felt bad when being sexual with her because it made her feel gross or sexualized, and she told me “Just touch me, you could do it before.” And “Let’s just do it when you forget about it in like two weeks”. That really hurt, because she sees me as just another lustful man who wants to use her, but I’m not, I really am not, I’ve been trying my damnest to make her feel safe, and this is what I get? It feels like she’s telling me to “be a man”.

She knew I watched porn, and that I am actively in a psychological process to help and get me to stop doing it, but one day I told her that I relapsed, like she did with me before. The problem is, when she relapses, I comfort her and make sure she has a safe space where nobody yells or judges her, but lets her feel seen and cared for, I don’t ask questions or judge but rather offer calm after the storm. But when I relapsed, oh boy, she told me I was a “liar, cheater, lustful man, coward, weak, pathetic” and so many things that you don’t want to hear, much less when dealing with this. I keep thinking and telling her “I’m trying” and tell her that she’s the only one I see, and that I understand why she’s upset but it’s to no use. It seems like she wants me to be perfect after 6 months in therapy when she isn’t in over 6 years, it seems almost hypocritical to me. She told me she spoke to someone about my situation, which now means someone else knows about my addiction, someone who might know me or see me, in what world is this okay? And when I asked who that person was, she said “that doesn’t matter.” Yes it does! She said “I can’t keep doing this” and left it at that.

It seems like every minor thing that bothers me ends up with me apologizing for it and her getting mad at me, just last night she got mad at me because I didn’t “stalk” her TikTok profile to see her reposts. I don’t do that, it doesn’t go through my mind. I tell her “I can start doing that if it’d make you feel better.” And she calls me “performative” and says it’s weird, so what am I to do??

I can not show a single emotion with her that isn’t complete and total happiness because otherwise she thinks I hate her and want to break up with her, I have to agree to watch every movie she wants or she gets upset, I can feel myself shaking whenever she asks me something because I’m afraid that if I say no she’s going to be upset. I get headaches when we argue because she refuses to listen to me, instead focuses on things regarding her and how she feels only, I’m really trying my hardest to make it work with her, but I don’t know how much longer I can keep this up, I feel trapped, but I love her.

Sorry if it’s long, thank you for reading :(