Struggling hard with regrets
Hi Reddit, I’m in AA for the first time and I’m struggling with thoughts all the time.
I’m originally from Pennsylvania and I went to rehab for oxy dxm and alcohol. Upon my detox and rehab I made a decision to move to Florida and do an IOP program because my sister set it up for me and I thought it was the right choice for my safety.
In rehab I made the abrupt decision to move a day after I got out as I thought it was serious.
Mind you I just got out a serious relationship and had nothing left going for me in PA besides a job at a restaurant and going to the gym all the time.
Upon getting to Florida I thought I’d enjoy the new scenery and would be able to do the work to get sober.
After 7 weeks and one lapse I got a job at an electrical company which is quite strenuous labor to start. Digging trenches for 8 hours a day.
I’m trying to understand how I’m supposed to manage working, AA, the gym and maintaining proper nutrition while doing all this.
Along side all this my ex reached back out not knowing I was in Florida saying she missed me and loved me and part of me wants to go back for that and the life that I had
A part of me just wants to go back to PA cause it was a nice quiet little life and I was okay with it.
I feel I’m taking on responsibilities too fast and that I’m not ready for all of this. I’m feeling very overwhelmed causing me to want to relapse. I will not go back to another detox or rehab.
I believe I made a decision too quickly to move and now I’m regretting coming here. I feel if I go back I’ll be letting my sister down as she has invested a lot in getting me here and I’d hate to throw it all away.
I’m not sure what to do, I miss my small little life and not having all this weight on my shoulders. I believe I have some more severe mental illness but she tells me it’s just the alcoholism. I believe I’m truly bipolar and depressed.
I don’t know what to do somebody please help me.