u/Original_Donkey_9844

Does anyone else get unreasonably triggered when people notice how quiet or shy you are?
Earlier today, I was at work talking to a coworker who I was doing a task right next to. This coworker is one of the few people there that I feel comfortable talking to. After we chat it's quiet for about 5 mins, I'm still doing my task, when one of my higher ups rolls around. She takes notice of how quiet it is and immediately starts talking about how were so silent, how "we don't talk about anything", how "we don't get to know each other", how if it was her in my place doing my task she'd be chatting up a storm, just bullshit I guess. I felt deeply ashamed of myself when she left and I went to cry in the bathroom.
Every single time someone points out how quiet I am it feels like I'm being bullied all over, no matter how objective or not their statements are. I get flashbacks to people in middle and high school calling me creepy, a freak, weird, boring, stupid. I feel like such a failure for not being able to speak like how I truly want to. It hurts so much. I know I'm a socially defunct failure, just leave me alone and let me work instead of talk.

My mom and her boyfriend have been on one month and off the next for the past 3 YEARS. He yells at her, abandons her constantly, and gets her into bad situations. They are in an alcohol induced pigsty of a relationship.
The first time I met him was when I was 18 still living at my mom's. He was drunk off his ass. He came into my room, sat on the edge of my bed while I was laying down, and hovered over me and stared at me lustfully while I was VISIBLY freaked out and uncomfortable. I ran away to my friend's house and stayed the night. My mom apologized for his behavior but called me "judgemental" for disliking him.
I caught numerous texts on her phone of him INVOLVING ME in their sexts. He wanted me and my mom to cage him and basically be his dommes or whatever. My mom says she hated it when he brought me up but did nothing to defend me, stop the behavior, or anything. She still kept him after he called me sexy TO HER. So many disgusting things he said about me to her. It blows my mind that she's still with him after everything.
Anytime I would tell her my feelings on him I was being judgemental. "Men will be men". I wasn't forgiving him enough. She routinely chose him over me over and over and over. Her own blood.
Part of me has the sneaky suspicion that she didn't end the relationship when he said those things because she might be into it
He still harasses me with fake numbers every so often. Will tell me how much he wants to "worship" my body. It's sick. I'm sick of him. My mom will never value herself enough to see how terrible he is. I'm starting to believe they're birds of a feather.

I'm a "low masking" autistic lady (as in, its incredibly hard for me to mask and function at the same time reliably) currently cleaning in a restaurant and oh my god, I'm suffering incredibly. I have a hard time making eye contact, controlling my tone and facial expressions, and socializing, and I'm paying the toll for it socially. The restaurant industry has never been for me but they're the jobs I know *for sure* I can get with my experience.
Looking for a job I can support myself with that won't expect so much out of me when it comes to socializing. If the job requires a certification I'd prefer it to be easily obtainable (like a short course or costs <$500). Just need something to pay my bills and to save up for college classes. Advice and anecdotes highly appreciated

edit: forgot to add but a physical job or something that has me moving around a lot is totally fine with me, actually I'd somewhat prefer it, but I'm open to anything

I'm 2 weeks nic free after 3 years of on and off vaping. I never quit for more than 5 months. I feel like writing down a list will help me stay accountable, so here's my reasons to quit:

- Nicotine makes anxiety worse in the long run and as someone who has severe anxiety I just can't contribute to that anymore
- It's expensive for something that lasts me only 2 weeks
- My skin looks so dull and lifeless the longer I've been smoking
- CANCER
- I have had asthma since a kid and was born with a heart murmur so maybe playing around with my lungs and heart isn't smart lol??
- We still don't know all of the long term effects of vaping
- I miss being able to breathe properly enough to enjoy exercise
- I want to take care of my mind and body better

What are your reasons? Do you share any of mine? :)