u/Outis0001

I was looking to get a whole house dehumidifier installed for my parents. I loved them to a new ranch and it’s always humid. It gets to the point where food and coffee go bad extra quickly. I’ve setup smart humidity sensitive fans in all the bathrooms to mitigate it where I can.

I got two quote last year that ended up being around 5K. I believe it was the AprilAire E080. Both tech said it could be installed down in the basement in line with the furnace essentially. There’s no strange routing needed into an attic or crawlspace, and there’s a drain 10 ft away.

I thought 3-3.5K would have been the right ballpark. Am I completely unreasonable in my estimate?

Yesterday was the latest in a long line of near misses. I came home to find the back door open, the house filled with a putrid smell, a charred pan in the sink, food remnants across the floor and stove with my mother nowhere to be found. My father who was dead asleep because he’s on dialysis had no idea what had happened. She’s 74, had a series of mini strokes, but has declined so quickly she won’t even discuss her own issues or work with me.

I was frantically calling trying to figure what happened, and if everything was okay. My mother had dropped everything to go get her friend a shopping discount at a store she works at part time. She dropped everything, leaving a huge mess without so much as a note. I learned later the pan kept going on the stove because she was on the phone and left the room.

Previously, she’s set the microwave on fire, left the gas on multiple times, exploded soup on the induction stove, thrown glass cups into the washing machine, used an dyson vacuum to clean the porch, suck up leaves rocks and other crap, broken countless other things because they weren’t hers and it wasn’t an issue. That’s not everything, just some of the worst.

Anger is not my first reaction. I’ve begged and pleaded, tried to explain the how dangerous it is to do these things, and she dismisses it as my problem. Despite the fact that I’m the one to have to repair and clean up the mess. When she exploded the soup on the stove it went everywhere, down inside the induction stove. I have to take the entire things apart and suck sour with a straw from inside the stove. I asked her what she did what she did and she blamed me (reason didn’t make sense). I exploded, she kept trying to fixate on the charred pan, saying she could get it clean. I asked her to stop, she refused. I explained to her that it wasn’t the pan, it was the continuous irresponsible and dangerous nature of her actions. If the house caught fire, dad wouldn’t even wake up, not to mention the thousand of dollars I have to spend to fix and or replace things(I didn’t mention that).

Now she’s been running from friend to friend telling stories that I’m a horrible son. She said she was embarrassed because the neighbors hear me yelling. She only cares about other people. Luckily our family friends have made her question her actions. She started asking randos at her part time job, tried to tell my father that her co workers mother left the gas on one time.

I’ve tried to balance her needs and my fathers. I make sure I defend her right to go out with friends, make sure she can get to her part time job, and get the things she needs. She just keeps pushing and refuses to meet anyone even part way.

I know it’s a mental deficiency, but she appears okay 40% of the time, but can’t function like a healthy individual. When my father passes away, I don’t even know where to starts. She can’t pay bills, doesn’t know when to get her car maintained l, can’t cook reliably, can’t manage her own schedule, gets confused easily, and always acts on her first impulse. She’s always fixated and always has been fixated on social gratification..constantly giving gifts to people in order to curry favor with people who aren’t good people, promising my and my fathers time to other people because she wants to impress them, dropping everything to the detriment of her family and sometimes close friends because someone else was temporarily nicer. I’m convinced she isn’t even mentally conscious or even aware of what’s going on.

I’ve posted here before and I agree with the consensus that I need to leave, but I can’t leave them to injure or die in a fire. I know anger isn’t a constructive reaction, but I’ve tried kindness, understanding, gentle conversation and suggestions for years. When I come home after a long stressful day and two hour commute, have to cook them dinner, I really don’t want to have to clean up a mini Chernobyl.

When my father passes away (kidney failure) in the next 4-8 years (he’s stubborn and continues to beat all odds) what do I do. He’s at least realized that even when his smaller home won’t work and they need to downsize again. Do I get her committed? Am I still left holding everything? Having to constantly fight her not to set things on fire. My father is his own set of issues for me, but he hasn’t endangered the safety of everyone in the house.