u/Own_Mission8048

After 6 months of tweaking my stack, I think I've got it figured out. Some guys measure their success in mL but that just never seemed fun to me. And this whole thing is about enjoying bigger loads, right!?

Last week had the best indicator I could get. I was with my wife and she gave me some sweet hand relief while I was on top of her. At the climax she blurred out, "Whoa! That's a lot!" I was too into it to count ropes or anything but it was way more than it used to be before starting this journey. Felt amazing to cover her!

She knows I take vitamins for men's health. Just never been too specific on which aspect of men's health I focus on. Took me a while to dial it in, but here's my stack:

Pygeum: 250 mg per day. Upped it to 375-500 mg for a couple days prior.

Zinc: a 50 mg pill every other day. Then every day for 3 days prior.

Sunflower lecithin: 2,400 mg daily. Upped to 3,600 mg for a few days prior.

Citrulline: 1,500 mg daily. Then 3,000 mg day before/day of.

Brazil nuts: 1-2 daily.

Red or tri color maca: ~500 mg daily. Mostly for my own libido.

L lysine: 1,000 mg daily. Just to prevent cold sores.

Damiana tea: I honestly don't know if it does anything but it tastes good and helps me sleep. Wife and I share a pot of this mixed with chamomile and nettle 2-4 times a week.

Kegels about three days a week.

3 days of abstaining beforehand.

Everyone is different but this works for me and I hope it helps others.

TLDR: Great sex life turns into DB during infertility and a year after childbirth. Will it continue forever?

Background: I (HLM) and my wife (LLF) have been together for 12 years, married for 9 with a 1 year old. Our DB situation started about 3 or 4 years ago. Prior to that we had a great sex life! Initially multiple times a week then maybe once a week until a few years ago. And it was amazing! Different positions, lingerie, toys, etc.

We started trying for a baby which was tougher than expected. Between the hormones, IVF and a miscarriage (that left her with a pelvic floor issue) we had a lot less sex. Maybe once every two or three months. She started seeing a therapist for mental health issues, partialluly due to infertility. And also a PT for pelvic floor. She completely stopped intiating and turned me down most of the time. At one point we talked and she said she felted pressured and asked me to stop iniating sex and give her time. I did. I did not initiate or ask for sex for about a year. We maybe had sex on 3-4 occasions that year, leading up to pregnancy.

During pregnancy I thought, oh lots of women go through a horny stage. Maybe things will change. Nope. PIV sex exactly once and one handjob over those 9 months.

Then after the baby I knew there'd be less sex, especially with breastfeeding and while she was seeing the PT for pelvic floor issues. For the first year we had sex four times, 100% as missionary, half ending in her crying. I understood and only iniated when I knew she was 100% willing. Her PT discharged her a few months ago and she stopped breastfeeding then too.

Last month something crazy happened: she iniated sex! For the first time in over two years, she wanted it. She said it was the horniest she'd been in a long time and we started off her on top! Part way through switched to missionary since she said she was sore. It was the best sex in years and I left thinking we've started recovering!

Then yesterday the kiddo was at daycare so I wrote her a sexy card, and laid out some lingerie, like I have done before. At first she seemed excited! But then said she needed lunch...and we need to go to the grocery store...and get coffee...maybe even check out a home goods store if we have time...

Got home and she said she was ready but asked if I really want her in the lingerie. I said I really liked it and she said okay. When I went into the bedroom she was in it and said, "Okay. We can have sex now since you want it."

I stopped and asked her if she wanted to have sex at all and she said:

-I threw her off by thinking about sex today (literally our only day together without the baby all month) and asking too much with the lingerie

-Last time she was disappointed because it actually didn't feel good. She didn't tell me because I seemed to enjoy it a lot.

-One reason she used to like sex is because she felt that was how to be close to people, including me while dating. But after therapy she figured herself out and doesn't need sex for that anymore.

-She might not ever have a high libido again and that might just be the way it is. She doesn't think about sex at all anymore except that weird day last month.

-I asked what she needs from me to feel sexy again. More help around the house? More time where she doesn't have to take care of the baby? She replied that this isn't a romcom and why would those things make her feel like having sex?

-She said she talk to her doctor about her libido and will try to have sex once a month from now on.

My questions:

Did I put too much pressure on her?

Is once a month missionary something I should be happy about? Is this just duty sex?

Is there any chance to recover what we once had?

Soon I'm hosting a BBQ for about 25 adults starting at noon. I plan on smoking 2 Boston butts, each around 8 pounds in my Traeger. Here's my question:

Will it make a difference to smoke it the day before, refrigerate it and reheat or should I attempt an overnight smoke? I've never had such a large and early gathering and never had to think about smoking overnight.

For context my Traeger has WiFi and I can set it to alert my phone if it gets too hot or the pellets run out. Is there anything else I should be concerned about?

I have usually gotten the smallest Boston butt available and only smoked ~8 hours. But I've read about a 12-18 hour smoke session. Does ithe extra time make that big of a difference?

TLDR: Is smoking pulled pork overnight worth it?