u/PandorasBucket

Question for aphants or possible more aphants + no inner monologue.

I know that I spend a lot of time self reflecting and strategizing in my life to feel safe. To me it seems like if you don't spend a lot of time ruminating on how things went or how you can manipulate the future you will be in great danger. It feels like strategizing outcomes and conversations, visualizing possible futures and actions was how I felt safe.

Do you guys feel like people just loved you growing up, you were provided for and everything was always just going to work out?

*Edit: This post is written from the perspective of a non-aphant to aphants. I am talking about myself being the unsafe manipulator and that's why I would develop those skills. My theory is that aphants would be more comfortable just 'going with the flow.'

*Edit 2: I just want to say thank you to everyone who responded. This has been one of the most enlightening internet interactions I've ever had. As someone with hyperphatasia learning about aphantasia shook my world just as much as some of you. I've learned that the way I see the world, visualizing things all day every day, changing my surroundings, is also rare. I thought my whole life that everyone else just ignored it. I'm not just learning about you. I'm learning about me. There is no where else I could have had these conversations and I am extremely grateful.

Also I have changed my mind. What we call congenital aphantasia likely has nothing to do with trauma from the responses. I have other ideas, but I think we're going to need actual scientific research to come in and fill the gaps. Until then just learning about the differences in the way we think I think will change the world. I don't think we are so different in the ways it counts like basic human decency. I don't think aphantasia is a disability. I think it's part of the neurodiversity that makes our species so successful.

I also recently learned I have ADHD, something I wish we knew about when I was a kid. Now maybe I can communicate better and be more considerate of the possible broad spectrum of inner worlds. Even if it doesn't change the world it has changed my world. Thank you sincerely.

I have very good visual memory. I once drew all our teachers from memory on the white board during lunch in high school and people seemed pretty impressed. I didn't realize until later that other people couldn't do that. I also have audio memory and hear songs clearly as they are on the radio. I have an inner monologue although I don't use it as often. I use it mainly when I want to rehearse what I'll say or work out something out for communication. I compared this experience with my gf and we were mostly alike, but on a whim I asked her if she also remembered what she was thinking in her memories.

I was surprised she said no. So I guess this might be a new kind of memory I haven't seen described in any youtube videos or papers yet. I would love to know if anyone has found anything on this. My memories almost always come with what I was thinking at the time because my thoughts are the strongest memories I have. When I remember a conversation I also remember what I was thinking between each line of dialgue.

I have exceptional autobiographical memory and most of that is tied to what I was thinking at the time. If there are no thought memories then it's usually just images, but if I was thinking something, ruminating over something I will remember it much stronger. Whenever I recount memories to other people they usually start out with "I remember that because I was thinking...and then you did this and then I thought...".

How common is this? Is my gf just weird? I looked around on the internet and I don't see much mention of it.

I'm not going to get into details because this isn't about any specific situation. This is about when most people around you, or even all of the media is insistent about something and you know they're wrong. You look like a crazy person, but you know you're right and eventually you know it'll turn out you're right. How do you deal with it? For me this is one of the hardest things in life, waiting for the world to catch up, when something is so painfully obvious to you, but most people believe whatever is popular.

*Update: Thanks everyone, I honestly thought I would just get "Yeah right this is not a real problem". Knowing that so many of you are helplessly watching people say, do and believe stupid things in the world makes me feel a lot better.

So I got in a conversation where things were going well and then suddenly she stops responding. I can see she was typing and then she just stops as if she got what she needed. What's the point? This is such an energy drain. Women complain about how awful the men are on apps and then when you put in effort 9 times out of 10 they just ghost. Before you say maybe this is my problem. This does not happen for me in real life. This is dating apps. Maybe women just have so many options on these apps any little thing wrong in the conversation and they leave? It's exhausting. It's exhausting trying to be perfect all the time for these women and we are completely disposable to them. Why don't these apps limit how many matches they can get? Why aren't they punished in some way for wasting people's time? Anyway just another garbage experience. It seems to be I get this on hinge more than any other app.