r/hinge

TL;DL: I started having video calls with matches before meeting up and this has been successful. I am curious to hear others’ thoughts on this. Ideally looking to hear from women, but I’d be curious to hear what guys think too.

40M, online dating with intention for about a month now. I matched with R. Our timing was off and basically can’t meet for 5 weeks with both of us traveling. We chatted for about a week (only about 3-4 longer messages from each us per day but the conversation was good imo). Around the one week mark she suggested a video call. I heard about some people doing this and recommending it from a dating podcasts, but I have never done it myself. I agreed and we had a video call for an hour about a week after she proposed it. We agreed to have a drink over the call. Good conversation, laughter, teasing. I was pleasantly surprised how well the video call went. I still talk with R (we are in our 3rd week since matching and had a second video call with her on Sunday). I am currently on vacation visiting family till Friday. I got 4 more matches (S, L, L2, and R2) around the second week of chatting with R. Little back and forth chatting with each. I mention my busy schedule (travel+time with my son). I propose a video call to each of them. S, L, and L2 agree. R2 wants to chat when I am back in town and free. I had a video call with L on Sunday, S on Monday, and L2 tonight. S lasted about 45 min (conversation didn’t flow and just wasn’t fun). L and L2 lasted around 90 min each and were great. S was in normal clothes. L was in her PJs when we connected (it was 9:00 pm and she is typically asleep by 10:00 pm, she told me beforehand she was wearing PJs and ready for bed). Coincidentally L2 and I went for a run right before our video call and we connected still wearing our workout clothes. That was a great conversation starter and she also got to meet my mother who popped into the room which made for some light hearted conversation. My weekend opened up and I now have a bike ride and coffee date with L on Sat and a paddle boarding date with L2 on Sun. Both were scheduled toward the end of our video call.

For me, 3 of 4 women I matched with were agreeable to the video call I proposed before a first date. The convenience of a video call can’t be matched. It seems 2 of the 3 women I had a video call with took advantage of the convenience as well (one wore PJs ready for bed and the other still wearing sweaty workout clothes). I am genuinely curious to hear peoples’ take on this. Would you have a video call with your match before having a first date? Why or why not?

to me it's now just seeming like a haven for f*t and honestly below mid girls who're cooked and won't get any attention in real life. i Iwk hate the standouts feature be girls my type usually end up there. and then it's really an unsaid promoter for promiscuity and frivolousness, not saying that it's wrong but im kinda bored of this life and i keep going to the app in the pointless hope for finding something real but all i get short shallow dates that get accelerated into bed sessions or ugly girls looking for attention and validation- AND WHY TF ARE THEY SO ENTITLED. yes i'll treat you right but you need to be a little chill and nonchalant about it. and how tf do these girls expect commitment after having one date w me- girl ydk shit about me and you wanna go exclusive? i'd rather take things slow, not accelerate to sex right the minute i meet her, do fun stuff together, have deep conversations, have neither of us lose our individuality and then take things to the next level-how do i change the pattern here?

Hey everyone, I’m 22F and new to the dating app scene lol. About a month ago, I matched with a guy (23M) and things moved from Hinge to text/IG pretty fast. From the jump, he was the one flirting significantly more, saying he was "very interested" and telling me how he couldn't wait to see me. Some days were casual, but the interest felt very high on his end as well as mine sometimes more so!
The problem is that he has now canceled or failed to communicate that he won’t be meeting me for the third time in almost a month. I’m usually the one initiating plans, he agrees, and then he just bails or doesn't even text to apologize after. He claims he is "super busy," and while I gave him the benefit of the doubt at first, it's mind-boggling that he can't send a simple text to not leave me hanging.
My friends are convinced he actually has a girlfriend because he shows interest in every way possible except for actually making a damn actual appearance. When I asked why he isn’t texting or texting back as much, he says he "never checks his phone" and is an "in-person, physical touch" type of guy... which makes no sense because he refuses to actually be in person!
Recently, we agreed to meet on a Monday. Because of the past flakes, I reached out that day to confirm. He left me on delivered for hours while simultaneously viewing my IG stories, posting his own, and even replying to a compliment I’d left him the day before. I even asked if he wanted to cancel, and still got no response.
I’m pretty confused because I’ve tried to remove myself from the equation before, but he always pulls me back with intense flirting. I know I let this go on for too long, but as a newbie, I have to ask like is this the norm? How do you deal with someone who acts like they’re into you but refuses to actually show up? He makes all these claims but why is there no initiative?

TL;DR: New to Hinge and confused. Guy is "very" interested and suuper flirty over text/IG, but has bailed or ghosted on plans 3 times in a month. He claims he's "too busy" and "doesn't check his phone," yet he's active on IG stories while leaving my "are we still meeting?" texts on delivered. Is this just typical dating app flakes, or is my intuition (and my friends) right that something else is going on? Also I have already begun to just cut it off but I would love some opinions regardless. Thank you.

A little while ago I matched with someone on Hinge and we set up a date for today at 1:00 pm. We hadn't talked since then, and I'm very new to dating so I'm really unsure of how to go about things. I was going to message her (if it matters, I'm male, she's female) my cell number before meeting so we didn't have to message through the app, but the chat is gone. That means she unmatched with me, right?

So, now what should I do? Am I supposed to assume she ghosted me and isn't going to show up? Should I still go to the agreed upon location anyway just in case she does show up?

Had 1 match that consisted of "hello, how are you. Did you work today?" pretty robotic but its a process in life. Went to to the store and came back to banned. The customer service ai introduced herself as "jenn". 😆 im genuinely curious as whats going on here. well "jenn understands my frustration". 😀 hell, i wanted to talk to jenn now!
anyway, money back into my apple account immediately. ive had zero problems w hinge i just thought i would use the best of my time w out having to resort to hanging out in bars like the old days. i kept screen shots of this process and i dont know whats going on w this specific co. but im super interested now.

Matched with this girl about two weeks ago, we’ve been on a few dates, last time she said she wants to see me next week, then she texted me the next day and said she had a fun time. in person everything is fun and smooth and she shows genuine interest. My concern is she texts me like once every two days and I’ve been the one reaching out to make the plans, she seems busy with her social life and work but I’m curious if her texting so little is a sign of low interest, it confuses me because in person she seems very interested and seems like we have some chemistry. Any thoughts? maybe I’m just overthinking

To make a long story short - I (37M) got back into dating a couple of months ago, after a couple years alone following a bad breakup and severe injury. A month ago I met two girls a couple days apart that I really hit it off with. We have been on roughly the same number of dates, although things have moved faster physically with one (only recently). There is a lot of intellectual, emotional and physical compatibility with both of these girls, which is making this very difficult.

I am having serious issues deciding between the two, and want to make that decision sooner than later, to avoid hurting them needlessly. I legitemately never thought that this kind of situation was possible, as it was always very clear to me who to pursue. I am having pretty severe panic over the thought of having to hurt one of them like this, because I can tell that they are falling for me. I am not a player-type that wants to date multiple girls at once, and am looking for a meaingful long term relationship.

Any tips on how to move forward would be much appreciated. How have you handled this in the past? How did it work out? How long is it acceptable to date both before going exclusive?Most importantly - how did you decide? The advice I have gotten from my personal network is ALL OVER THE PLACE - ranging from "it's OK to date nonexclusively for 2-3 months before deciding" to "you need to pick as soon as things start getting physical." I am trending towards the latter. Going to make a decision in the next week, depending on how things go over the weekend, although I'd like to gauge sexual compatibility with the other because that could tip the scales.

Ich bin seit einiger Zeit auf Dating-Apps aktiv und hatte dort auch einige Matches. Mittlerweile habe ich bestimmt weit über 10 Frauen getroffen, wobei es so gut wie immer nur bei einem Date geblieben ist.

Ich habe auch vor einiger Zeit schon mal einen Post dazu verfasst:
https://www.reddit.com/r/DatingDE/s/icEYbxf0us

Nun Brauch dringend eure Hilfe/Erfahrung, da die meisten in meinem Freundeskreis keine Dating Apps nutzen.

Über die Zeit habe ich gemerkt, dass „Parallel-Dating“ dabei relativ normal ist bzw. es irgendwie auch anders gar nicht geht. Ich like in letzter Zeit ungefähr 40 % der Profile, und dadurch kommen pro Woche etwa 4 bis 9 Matches zustande. Davon werden einige aussortiert, weil ich zum Beispiel geghostet werde, weil ich sie beim Schreiben seltsam finde oder weil ich durch ihr Instagram noch einen anderen Eindruck von ihnen bekomme, der mich nicht anspricht. Dann bleiben ein paar übrig, die ich meistens relativ direkt nach einem Date frage.

Nun bin ich aktuell in einer Situation, in der ich mich überhaupt nicht wohlfühle.

Ich date und schreibe momentan mit 4 Frauen, die mir wirklich sehr gefallen.

Mit einer hatte ich bisher vier Treffen. Das Ganze ist allerdings etwas kompliziert, weil es bereits einen Kontaktabbruch gab, der 2 Monate ging und von ihr ausging, aufgrund privater Probleme. Kürzlich hat sie den Kontakt wieder aufgenommen. Irgendwie glaube ich nicht, dass sie die Richtige ist, aber ich muss dennoch oft an sie denken und mag sie. Sie schreibt mir bereits Dinge wie, dass sie sich wünscht, dass ich zu ihr komme, weil sie mit mir kuscheln möchte usw. Wir haben uns bisher aber noch nicht geküsst oder so.

Ich bin damit relativ überfordert, weil ich parallel noch mit anderen Kontakt habe. Deshalb habe ich ihr geschrieben, dass ich das Ganze aktuell für ein paar Wochen pausieren möchte, da ich mit dem Dating-Thema zurzeit überfordert bin und sie auch selbst einige Baustellen in ihrem Leben hat, wodurch unser Dating sehr beeinträchtigt wurde. Wir haben aber über Snapchat, Instagram und TikTok weiterhin etwas Kontakt, und ich merke anhand dessen, was sie mir schickt, dass sie noch sehr interessiert an mir ist.

Dann ist da eine andere, mit der ich ein paar Tage geschrieben habe bzw. noch schreibe und die ich einmal getroffen habe. Sie hat mir relativ früh auch Snaps in Unterwäsche geschickt und mir nach dem Treffen geschrieben, dass sie sich gewünscht hätte, dass ich noch mit zu ihr hochgekommen wäre. Sie schreibt mir, dass sie seitdem wir schreiben ihr Hinge-Profil gelöscht hat und dass sie Schmetterlinge im Bauch hat und oft vor ihren Freunden von mir schwärmt.

Sie schreibt mir auch oft, dass sie horny ist und ob ich nicht vorbeikommen möchte. Selbstverständlich habe ich Lust. Das Ganze hat mir aber so ein schlechtes Gewissen gegeben, dass ich ihr nach dem Treffen mitgeteilt habe, dass ich sie auch mag und sie gerne weiter treffen möchte, mich aber nicht wohl damit fühle, das Ganze so zu überstürzen, da ich noch mit anderen schreibe und diese auch noch treffen möchte. Es würde sich daher nicht richtig anfühlen, sie jetzt zu küssen, geschweige denn Sex zu haben. Zumal das mein erstes Mal wäre und ich sie auch erst einmal besser kennenlernen möchte, da wir uns ja kaum kennen.

Sie findet es komisch, dass ich noch Kontakt mit anderen Frauen habe, versteht aber meine Situation und hofft einfach, dass wir uns wiedersehen. Wenn ich mal länger als eine Stunde nicht schreibe, fragt sie gleich, ob alles in Ordnung ist.

Dann sind da noch zwei Frauen, mit denen ich momentan schreibe. Ich habe bei beiden wirklich ein sehr gutes Gefühl, da wir viele Gemeinsamkeiten haben, und ich würde sie echt gerne persönlich kennenlernen. Wir haben auch bereits Dates vereinbart.

Ich will niemanden verletzen und jede mit Respekt behandeln. Ich finde Parallel-Dating bei den ersten 1 bis 2 Dates noch in Ordnung, da es ja nur ein Kennenlernen ist. Küssen oder sogar Sex wäre für mich beim Parallel-Dating aber ein No-Go. Spätestens da sollte man „exklusiv“ sein.

Was soll ich machen? Ich kenne sie ja alle kaum. Wie soll ich mich denn entscheiden? Ich will auch nicht „nix Halbes, nix Ganzes“ machen und am Ende alle „vergraulen“.

EDIT: seitdem ich diesen Post verfasst habe, sind zwei neue echt gute Matches entstanden…

So my boyfriend, few days ago told me that he received an OTP from hinge (2 times) for login on his Gmail account that no one except me or his friend or himself knows about (the email id). He basically said is this you? I wasnt.

Before I could say anything else, he said that he downloaded the app on his phone to check, and it shows that this email has no account only on hinge

But now I am in kind of a doubt, and when I cross questioned him also, he was like if I wasnt trying to hide anything and that Why would he even tell me that he got the OTP.. because i wouldnt know myself

So like, is it possible that I am overthinking or there could be some underlying thing? He has an iPhone and I usually check his purchase history

Please help

F age 24, M age 24

Been datinh for 3+ years

Tl;dr boyfriend being oversmart

I’m F(25) met a M(34) for a first date. It was pure electric, our morals, values & most importantly sense of humour were aligned. We both spent most of the date giggling. We agreed emotionally & physically we were attracted to each other. He appeared to be quite honest about his dating and history and was complimenting of me and my personality which didn’t seem to be in a love bombing way. I’m usually quite awkward and dislike physical affection but I felt so comfortable I was able to be my authentic self without masking (diagnosed ADHD). There was hand holding, linking arms, a kiss.

Since then we have been speaking back-and-forth, he lives quite far away. We did have a 2nd date planned, but due to our commitments we had to postpone.

Overtime he has got more inconsistent with his replies - although when he does reply, he shows warmth, affection, genuine responses and an interest in what we are discussing. He’s flirty, complimenting and checks in. He does have quite a time consuming job and a lot of training in between so I have found patience for his replies after all we have only had one date.

I feel like my heart is saying if he wanted a second date he would’ve rescheduled it but I can’t accept that what we both felt was not genuine. I do have a tendency to hyper-focus on people and become a bit consumed by the notion of what could be rather than the reality of it. although on the flipside, I’m accepting that he is likely dating other people and logistically it may not work out due to the distance. Do I try and detach?

For context I am a 20 male who was a frequent hinge user 5 months ago. I deleted the app for some rest and downloaded it again 4 days ago to have some algorithm reset. Earlier I used to get a match or like every day but since the past few days I have not recieved a single match. I was also under the impression that new users get a boost