u/Flat-Tennis2790

Hi! Thanks in advance for any perspective. I know I’m probably overanalyzing this, but this one genuinely threw me and I’d really appreciate some outside opinions, especially from men.

A guy sent me a Rose on Hinge and we talked for a couple of weeks because he was out of town. Pretty much immediately, he said he wanted to take me out when he got back, and we kept talking every few days until he returned. Once he was back, he proposed a day and we went out.

The date was honestly incredible. The banter and chemistry were immediate. It felt weirdly comfortable, like I had known him for a long time. We were constantly making each other laugh, riffing off each other, and our sense of humor and personalities seemed extremely compatible. We also had very similar lived experiences and kept finding things to relate to.

At one point he told me that he had actually seen me on a mutual friend’s social media before we matched and had tried to find me, and when he eventually saw me on Hinge, he knew he wanted to take me out. He was also very complimentary throughout the night, both about my appearance and my personality.

After the bar, we went to a park and kept talking. We kissed, and eventually I asked if he wanted to come back to my apartment. I was interested in sleeping with him, but I wasn’t expecting or requiring it. I felt comfortable with him and wanted to keep the night going.
He said he absolutely wanted to come back, but he also specifically said something along the lines of, “I just want you to know that’s not all this is for me.” I told him I appreciated him saying that and that we didn’t have to have sex, and he said he still wanted to.

We went back to my place, and he was genuinely curious about everything - my apartment, my roommates, the pictures on my walls, etc. It felt like he was interested in me, not just getting me into bed.

We ended up having sex, and it was extremely good and very intimate. We had multiple rounds back-to-back (he said he doesn’t recall ever being able to do that many), and afterward we spent the night cuddling, talking and laughing. Before we slept together, he’d told me it was the best Hinge date he’d ever been on, and I told him I felt the same. Later, while we were falling asleep, he said again that he’d had a really great time.

The next morning was also great. We were both completely sober and the conversation and chemistry felt just as natural. He had to leave for work, and while I was walking him downstairs, a package I’d ordered arrived. We opened it together, and a few hours later I’d hung it up, so I sent him a picture.
His response was basically just, “Wow, that looks really cool.” It wasn’t rude, but it was pretty dry. I didn’t continue the conversation. I had actually intended to text him something like “I had such a great time, thank you,” but after that response I decided not to.
The next day I followed him on Instagram. He followed me back.

A couple days later, I was out with friends and came across something we’d joked about on our date, so I sent him a picture of it. He didn’t respond for a day or two, but eventually he did — and he asked me multiple questions about it. So I thought, okay, maybe he’s just a slow texter. His texting frequency was actually fairly similar to how he’d communicated with me before we met.
I responded and asked him a question about something he’d told me was happening later that week. That was Sunday.

It’s now Wednesday, and he still hasn’t responded. It’s been a full week since our date.
I’m not really looking for someone to tell me “he’s definitely secretly obsessed with you” or anything. At this point, I understand that his behavior isn’t showing much active interest, and I’m trying to accept that.
What I genuinely can’t figure out is what happened between the experience we had and the behavior afterward.

Because I truly believe he had a great time. The chemistry felt extremely mutual, the conversation was effortless, he was very affectionate and complimentary, and the next morning felt just as good as the night before. I don’t think you can necessarily fake that kind of banter and comfort for an entire date, overnight, and the following morning.
So I’m struggling to reconcile “that was clearly an amazing experience for both of us” with “he hasn’t made any real effort to see me again.”

Is this just a case of someone having an amazing time, being genuinely attracted to someone, but ultimately deciding they don’t want to pursue it? Is there something I’m missing? Do some people just compartmentalize a great experience and move on very easily? Or does his behavior suggest something different?

I’m especially interested in hearing from guys who have experienced something similar — have you ever had an objectively amazing date/connection with someone and then decided not to pursue it afterward? If so, why?

I know none of us can know what’s in his head. I’m mostly trying to understand the range of possibilities here because the contrast between the date and what happened afterward has genuinely confused me.

Thanks in advance.

Hi! I’m a photographer looking to expand my portfolio, and I’m hoping to do so by photographing cool individuals/shows/brands/musicians/whatever! I want things with a certain level of artistic flare, so they’ll photograph well, but beyond that I don’t really have any criteria. I’m thinking burlesque shows and things like that. I recently took pictures of the Coney Island, mermaid parade, and loved how out of the box everyone there was would love to keep that streak going and continue to photograph really interesting people. Please let me know! Thank you.

I met a guy at a party a few months ago. We have mutual friends, so I had known of him for years. We talked all night, I gave him my number, and although he didn’t text me initially, he later followed me on social media. I saw him about a week later, mentioned he never texted me, and he reached out that night. We ended up going on a decent number of dates over three months, having sex a handful of times, and a couple sleepovers. We established that we were not seeing other people and neither of us did for the duration of those months and neither of us have since.

I really liked him, but it never felt like it was progressing toward anything. We texted daily, but I often felt like I was the one keeping the connection going. About a month ago, after we slept together, I saw Hinge on his phone. He had previously told me he deleted it (not because I asked him to), and when I brought it up, he said his friend, who is in a relationship, wanted to see who was on it. I didn’t really believe that, so I initiated a conversation about what we were.

He said he was emotionally unavailable, not ready for a relationship, but that he liked spending time with me. I told him I felt similarly: I had recently gotten out of a relationship, and while I was emotionally invested, I was okay keeping things casual as long as we communicated. I felt good after the conversation because I thought we were on the same page. I asked that if his feelings changed, he communicate that with me, and he agreed. He also deactivated his hinge profile saying it made him “feel bad anyway”.

Within a day or two, he became very distant. His texts changed, and when we saw each other with mutual friends, he made no effort to interact. A week later, I asked what was going on, and he sent a paragraph saying he wasn’t ready for a relationship and didn’t think we should continue to see each other “romantically.”
I was hurt and confused because we had just had a conversation about that. Even though I knew it probably wasn’t becoming a relationship, we had spent three months seeing each other exclusively (I know he wasn’t seeing anyone else) and talking daily. The way he ended things felt abrupt and like I was being discarded. His hinge profile was active again within about an hour of that text conversation (if it hadn’t been before).

A week later, I got on a dating app. A guy liked me and we talked for about a week and a half. I found his Instagram by searching his name (he has a unique name, so it wasn’t difficult; he didn’t give it to me), and realized he’s friends with the guy I was seeing.
The situation obviously isn’t ideal, but I didn’t think it was necessarily wrong for me to go out with him. Before finding out the connection, I planned to ask him for a drink. The guy I was seeing never mentioned him or brought him around, although he is close childhood friends with this guy’s roommates, who I’ve met multiple times.

I talked to my friend who is best friends with the guy I was seeing, and she thinks he would be upset and that it could affect our ability to be friends in the future, which I would like because we have many mutual friends. She said “they’re pretty good friends. I think he’s in the 10% of people that he’d care if you went out with”. She said she wouldn’t personally do it, and she also wouldn’t feel comfortable lying to him if he asked if she knew about it beforehand. She told me that because I was the first person he’d seen in over a year, she thinks that sex to him is kind of “sacred” - weird, he definitely never made me feel like that!!!

I’m also mindful that I could be putting this dating app guy in a weird position without his knowledge. I thought maybe if we were to go for a drink, I could say something along the lines of “hey I found out that you’re friends with this guy and I just want you to know that we were seeing each other for a few months” so he has the ability to make his own decision, but that doesn’t change the fact that it will almost definitely make it back to the guy I was seeing.
I don’t want to create drama or hurt anyone, but I hate feeling like I’m making my decisions around how he might react when I don’t feel like he considered my feelings in the same way at any point. I just don’t feel like he has any right to have any opinion on what I do or who I do it with given his conduct, but I also understand that there’s nuance here. Just sucks because when this guy and I started talking, it made me feel a lot better after I’d been in a real funk over the way things had ended between myself and the other one, and now it’s like I’m unable to pursue it without feeling like a terrible person.

I’m sorry - wtf was with that guy and why was he even invited to speak???? I remember seeing him in a video about the flood barely a month after it happened where he and his daughter were being interviewed about it for a YouTube series. I remember thinking it was strange that a parent would have their 10-11 year old child doing that mere weeks (if even) after surviving a severe trauma that saw her friends perish, but to each is own. To get up and give that “speech” in front of grieving families the other day, though, was appalling. That horrendous poem??? What??? Talking about how he’s been told how helpful he’s been and it’s made him feel good - ok buddy, do you want a gold star? And then talking about how he’s been so impacted by the flood that he questioned his decision to wear a green blazer and bracelet and how difficult that’s been for him. Dude. You’re speaking in front of parents whose babies were swept down a river to their deaths less than a year ago. Saying he speaks to Chloe (who he never met) often, while defending the family that let her die. Saying that Edward is a hero for saving his daughter - well, Fletcher, the reason you’re sitting there is because he failed to save 27 other daughters. He just struck me as so egotistical and out of touch. Maybe that’s just me, but I saw that many parents of H27 left the room during his speech so I have a feeling it’s not. Hope he’s embarrassed and ashamed.