u/Swansongtimebomb

Hi friends,

For context I (25F) am dating a great guy (27M). It’s been going well so far and we’ve been getting to know each other and having fun dates these past few months. We are not official BF/GF but both of us enjoy spending time together getting to know each other. Also important to note we live in different parts of town so we are not exactly able to see each other daily.

I see this turning into a relationship and he’s proven to me that he wants to take our connection seriously as well. However I am unsure how to go about balancing our connection with the other aspects of our lives. I want to make sure we have the time to learn more about each other and for our busy lives.

What are some ways you all have been able to balance a relationship with a full time job, family obligations, friends, etc. I am just curious as we both want to make this work!

Hi all! As the title suggests, I, 25F have had a multitude of negative and abusive relationship experiences. There is a lot of trauma I carry as I have been mentally, physically, verbally, and sexually abused. I have been trying to move past it but healing is difficult. A lot of these traumatic experiences come from my high school/college relationships. I have had far and few experiences that were healthy.

Anyway, for context, I met a wonderful guy. We have been actively going on dates for the past two months or so. He has not shown me any red flags or warning signs and it’s been healthy. And I recognize that most of the damage that was done to me was done within weeks of me dating somebody. Luckily, he hasn’t given me any reason to want to end things.

However, I am so tense and anxious. I think my past trauma has a bigger impact on me than I thought. Sometimes I feel like a burden and like I’m broken and that I don’t deserve a healthy relationship or love. I see people my age getting married and finding their soulmates while I realize I was abused a lot in the past.

I would love to know how I can not overthink and ruin this budding relationship. I really like this guy and I have a history and repeated pattern of self sabotage and avoidant behavior. However, this guy makes me feel comfortable and like I can be myself/vulnerable but I’m still terrified of scaring him away.

What does one do in this situation? Is it possible for me to heal and find love like everybody else my age?

Hi friends!

I know I (24F) am quite young to be writing this but I could genuinely use an outsider perspective right now. For context a lot of my friends are in serious relationships, engaged, or married or don’t share the same experiences as me because they forgo dating all together.

I am dating because I eventually want to find the one, or my person. I’ve always been romance-minded, I’ve had crushes since the age of 5 so it’s been almost 20 years of heartbreak up in this thing (LOL).

Anyway, there’s been a lot of obstacles and trauma on my journey: being sexualized, only being seen for my body or what I can offer, assault, verbal abuse, cyberbullying, stalking, pretty much anything short of being murdered or kidnapped. I don’t want to get too deep into it but I am in therapy for these and acknowledge this is where most of my pain comes from. I also have not experienced romantic love despite being in a few short-term relationships.

Anyway, I was wondering if anybody who has been traumatized or felt negatively about their overall dating experience has ever been able to heal it or find the person they love? Some days I feel like I’m too broken down and accepting that I’ll be alone. I don’t want to be alone. I want to experience love. I know that I’m capable of it because I have wonderful qualities and I have a lot of people in my life who love me, just not romantically?

I would love to hear some positive examples, about healing and finding your person. Because I want to believe it but sometimes I get too deep into my head.

One Saturday night, I (23F at the time) didn’t have plans but I really wanted to leave the house and go out. For context I had just started a new job at a highly regarded company so I was excited to celebrate and have fun on the weekend.

I had been on Hinge and messaging a guy, I’ll call him James, but I genuinely don’t remember his name. He looked cute and seemed normal and he asked for my number which I gave him. Usually I object to giving out personal information like that and I wish I did tbh LOL. We text a little and asks if I’m doing anything tonight (as in the Saturday night that had me bored). I said no and he asked me out.

He asked me to go to some pier in his town, which is about 45 minutes to an hour away from mine. I didn’t mind driving as I have a car and I enjoy a nice drive sometimes. He gave me an address of where to park since parking around the water is always tricky.

I park my car and realize that I was parked in front of his house. No big deal but I make sure we’re headed to the pier. We walked about 10 minutes to get there.

We walk around this area that I’ve never been to before. I feel his hand reach into the back pocket of my jeans as I’m telling him about my new job and how excited I was about it. I was violently uncomfortable as this was a first date and I’m not usually a very touchy feely person.

I walk pretty fast but he grabs me by my belt loops. I literally feel like I’m getting dog walked and it’s the craziest feeling to be evoked from a stranger. Anyway, we finally get ice cream and find a place to sit down. We sit on a bench overlooking the water and there’s at least 3 other couples ferally making out with each other. I point that out and usually people would laugh but he’s just like whatever.

We sit down and share an ice cream. Eventually he just goes in for the kill (kiss) which was unexpected. I just close my eyes and I imagine I’m literally anywhere else. But he was cute so I wasn’t all that upset.

When we finish with that, he asks to take me somewhere more private and I agree. We go on the sand and he kisses me and starts to feel me up all of a sudden. Mind you, I barely consented to the kisses. I was just too shocked at the moment at the sheer audacity. I wouldn’t say I was looking for anything serious at the time but he put that he was on his Hinge profile so this was insane behavior.

I finally tell him it’s my bed time and that I need to go home. He actually respects that and we walk home. On the way home I found out he’s a) unemployed b) never went to college c) doesn’t have a car and lives with his parents. There was a point that I wasn’t employed and I lived with his parents but he acted like he was mature and put together when he really wasn’t.

Of course he tries to get me to come to his house because he believes the date went well. I told him I really needed to go and give him a hug. The moment he went back inside I blocked his number bc never again. Guy thinks he can violate me 7 different times just because he’s moderately attractive 💀.

But now I am super careful about who I go out with and who I share my information with.