I'm 44 today which is WILD to me that number is so high and I feel 29 😆 . I always tell people I am the libraest Libra that ever lived so take that how you will. Happy Birthday fellow ⚖️ ♎️ and bring justice wherever you walk!
We're both women with lots in common, but as a Libra I have a couple of Gemini friends but I definitely caught a glimpse of the two faces and definitely got a sense she was gossiping about me. It sucks because I felt like she had a knack for getting me to let my guard down but then later making me regret it.
My libra perspective is like cmon man why do you have to be so wishy washy? Just be real. Why is that so hard? I got so many apologies, but the disrespect was clocked and hard to ignore and undo. We Libras just deserve so much better but we rarely get it.
I know. I know. But this is how much you love yourself and desire to be loved. Just lean into that.
I kept asking myself why LO and noone else. I believe I attach him to my first feelings of self love. When loving myself was easier. When seeing myself through his eyes was apparent and unabashed. Who wouldn't want to relive that? Especially when life can suck balls sometimes. It's just too much for some people to handle. That's all.
I rolled my eyes at "self love" for years but figured out that when I'm proud of myself or excited about something it's the same feeling I get when I imagine my LO thinking about me. And so what if he isn't. I'm still great regardless.
Today, I was driving and listening to music and for not the first time (at all), I noticed how limerent the lyrics were (as most songs are about limerence, not love (not sorry)...
Anyway, I just had this startling kind of twofold revelation ...
One, whether people want to admit to it or not...they have experienced limerence at least once in their life. And two, there is nothing wrong with it. Like, hear me out. You're hurting because you are not your LO's LO. They might really like you. They might think you're great, but you aren't their LO. I know that suuuuuuucks but like does it? Idk
I think I realized this when I dated someone who said they crushed on me for years. I was like, really? I had no idea. Okay, let's date. Then I dated them, and the experience was miserable.
They were really mean to me. I gave them exactly what they wanted, and they were like avoidant themselves even making me think I was more into them than they were in me and then I was eventually repulsed by their behavior feeling like they resented me and were like "getting me back" for not noticing their limerence sooner.
It got so weir that I started to hate the thought of being around/near them. I'm speaking as someone who is limerent and has strong feelings for somebody that just won't die regardless of their situation or mine. And I just keep to myself and do my thing and live my life, and I don't go out of my way to hurt my LO or ruin his life.
Any thoughts on this?
Ok, so as I've mentioned before, I'm old. I remember the advent of FB being weird for me as it reintroduced me to a lot of people I thought I'd never see ever again. At least not on purpose. But I had been living out of state while in college and meeting new people.
I did move back and got married (the first time) when FB was in its heyday and noticed that like everyone I went to high school with all being "friends" with each other. My memory of like 7 years before was that all these people *hated* each other and yet couldn't wait to get into nostalgic conversations with each other on a daily basis. It was weird for me as I had people adding me who I knew were not nice people and had added to the weirdness between me and my LO, who also added me.
He added me but still kept his distance. Which made me go, "Hmm." It always made me dislike FB as I felt like adding someone as a "friend" who you don't even consider your friend just to make your numbers go up seems arrogant (I know most people don't think twice about that). But I was a bit more strategic.
I really only added people back I felt like I had a positive connection with. And then the DMs started. People reintroducing themselves. Some apologizing for how they treated me...it was very weird thing. Some insisting we could still be friends despite all the weirdness that had occurred. And that now I was the one making it weird.
I was mad at myself, but I started looking through my LOs pictures. I knew he was married. He had gotten married about two years before this and I decided him keeping his distance made sense in that context. Also, I saw photos of him with him and his first kid, which I'm not gonna lie, was a bit devastating for me. But I got over it, as ya do. As I said I had an SO and we were trying......unsuccessfully.
I mentioned other people sending me DMs, and up until this point, I felt like that wasn't very good internet etiquette, but FB, I feel like kind of changed all of that. It was obvious that internet anonymity was out the window. So deciding that's just what people do now I DM'd my LO.
A couple of things brought this on. When the pictures of him and his child appeared, it had fully sparked my limerence again. But that was hand in hand with the fact that his wife acted very weird on FB, like she was snarky, abrasive, and jealous, and she would say... kind of strange things on his wall....for everyone to see that I felt were meant to humiliate him. Maybe he deserved it?
They didn't appear happy. I'm not going to say that they weren't. I'm just going to say that judging by appearances, they were not. But couples go through phases and maybe that's just their thing, and that's fine. Lol. At this time, as a newleywed, struggling to get pregnant, it made me feel all kinds of stuff.
But wait, there's more. I saw him interacting with people on FB in such bizarre fashion people that I knew he despised kind of drawing him back into this high school dynamic and being really kind of stupid about it. This group of people that I knew that were all friends of my LO in high school who all treated him like crap were trying to be friendly with him again like they were trying to be friendly with me. And they would rope me into the conversations, which made me uncomfortable because...LO is LO, and it's obvious there's unresolved stuff.
But these "successful" "grown up" people who had kids and lives to lead were spending every day on FB trying to start these nostalgic conversations acting like they didn't know it was weird. Eventually, I let my guard down because someone mentioned something about an event I remembered being at, even though the picture that was posted didn't have me in it. I said it was ironic because it was very reflective of my experience in high school, and my LO liked my comment. One of the assholes we both knew was like, "nah pics or it didn't happen," that fun phrase. But my LO was like "C'mon man that's rude." I was dying.
He never talked to me directly. He just observed me from the outside. So I finally threw every intelligent thought process I had about the situation aside and sent him a message. I asked him probably in a complete bout of stupidity if he was ever going to talk to me ever again. Because that wasn't a weird way to phrase it at all. He answered right away and kinda played it off like he was getting around to it eventually. We talked for months after that. Our conversations were above board and friendly but I stopped because I was falling for him again and I felt so guilty.
But then about 5 years later he had kid #2 and I was still struggling with fertility. My mental health was in the toilet again, and I was genuinely unhappy in my marriage now. He could have handled it better, our conversation started out pretty passive again and then became overtly sexual overnight on his end. He kept acting like sexting with me and sending me naked pics of himself was something friends did. I kept trying to reign in our conversations to something more mature ( we were in our mid 30s at this point).
Finally, he conceded and apologized. I sent him selfies even when he begged for more and I wondered if he would ever leave his wife. He was miserable there was no mistaking that this time and I did and said things that felt inevitable that I was not proud of. I did leave my ex, it felt like the honest thing to do and I didn't expect anything on the other end to happen, and I was right.
Looking back he was always LO, I had always had a crush on him, and we never really dated. But we would run into each other at dances, and there was one summer that we had a little tryst, but that was about it. I spent years trying to get over him before FB existed, and I was doing a pretty good job.
I'm remarried now and I have a kid and I don't really miss him or those interactions , but I feel like that limerent confusion will never leave me. And the feeling like if he had just a little more courage, this would be a very different story.
Back in 2012, I remember her telling anyone who would listen that she hated Skyrim, because the horses in it could die. She owned the game and played for about a month until she said she couldn't anymore. I thought it was funny at the time, we were drinking buddies and I wasn't really playing the game.
I got into it a lot more about ten years later. But when I started playing more, I was like, that's what bothered you? Out of all the things in this game that could turn someone off to it...that's what did it? She was also mad that the NPCs were more upset about chickens than they were about horses dying. 😆 I just thought I'd see how you all felt...
I needed to write this book. At first, it started as an exercise in writing in the psychological romance genre. I based the two main characters on my deepest experience with limerence, and you can imagine how writing about all that went for me.
I kept stopping and starting up the book again (I literally wrote and published 6 other books in the interim.)
I didn't even know what limerence was until like last year. I published an article about it. I thought I intellectualized my way out of the feelings, but I recall reaching out and having lengthy conversations with the LO in question. I convinced myself I was doing research, that I needed a muse. The illusion ran deep.
I ended a marriage and remarried in that time. Anyway it's done and I just want this story out of me. If anything is left, I'm just going to pour it into other books until it's gone.
Edit: I also wanted to add that the book does explore omnisciently the idea of limerence and what causes it. I even gave the LO in the story some mental health issues that feed into the limerence.
I feel like this movie might not be the cure, but it might be a tonic. It helped me a bit, anyway.
It's a bit violent and gratuitous since the Resident Evil people made it, but I think it gets to the heart of things a bit underneath all the thriller/horror tropes
Someone I respect who wasn't an ahole about it said this to me and I am ready. I now believe with my whole ass that I was limerent for this man because I wanted to be him.
Yes I love him, sure, but like it's not just love it's all that other shit underneath, you know? Like that I couldn't be with him because we were of different sensibilities and worlds...but I can't not be myself guys.
I've tried loving myself (meh) but that only gets you so far imo. I'm ready to just have his energy. If I had his energy, I wouldn't need him. I'm done chasing it because it's here already in my chest and now he can see me or not. Yes I'm terrified but I have to do this or I'll never get over it.
So 10 years ago I went NC with my LO. We hadn't spoken for like 4 years before that. Much of it had to do with distance and other relationships, and lack of interest from me tbh, but before we went NC we talked every day (via text/messenger) for a year.
During that time I was working one of those floor sales jobs where I was one of those chicks who bugs the shit out of you while you're browsing with a headset, you know the type. Anyway, I'm very type B, so I had a hard time with this and I had a manager who basically bullied me to be more obnoxious with the customers and she also made fun of my makeup and what I wore. She had put my confidence in the crapper. She acted like this was part of her job and got away with it. Especially since corporate was very much obsessed with how we dressed and what we wore, as it helped us push the product.
Anyway, I started doing this thing when I got ready for work , which was to take a picture of myself and then send it to my LO and really just honestly asked his opinion, nothing sleazy. His response was always positive, (lol) and I found myself becoming more confident at work.
My manager stopped bullying me and eventually transfered elsewhere and I kept trying new things with my outfits and hair. One day , I was struggling to get ready in a short amount of time and I admitted to him that I had a hard time taking a selfie and then texted in passing , "I can't ever seem to take a good one to save my life." And he said "They're all good!"
Idk that really sent me over. Like that level of confidence felt so rare and made me feel like I could bulldoze anyone who bullied me and I really needed that I was just at this bewildering low point and my LO was like ...this is where I shine. LOL like wtf is that? Anyway I look at pics from then and I'm like damn I looked good how did I not see that. He was just stating the obvious and anything a friend might have told me but from him it hit different.
Something I think about often in regards to my initial experience with limerence was when I experienced people giving me "tough love" calling me delusional or trying to "snap me out of it" it actually did more harm than good. It just made my obsessive behavior worse.
Like, I know now that what I was going through was part of my internal makeup and the lack of support structure around me made it possible for me to really live inside of it and lose myself. My LO was a bit reckless in that he kept waiting for the "right time" to reciprocate but it often never came unless we had a private moment which most of the time was not witnessed by others. As a result I was gaslit a lot and told it was just in my head (but like why would I make it up?)
Eventually my LO admitted to having feelings for me but by then the damage was done to my reputation and confidence. I feel like if the people closest to me gave me the benefit of the doubt and supported me the experience would have been hugely different. I think you can't "fix or "stop" limerence you just have to let it run its course otherwise you run the risk of never closing the loop, if thar makes sense?