u/PapayaKakapo

Yeah you read it right . I just found out I was the other woman after 1 year of dating. He was perfect and thought it was a match made in heaven, I was treated like a queen,
but that covert piece of shit of a narcissist is actually living a double life with a woman he been with for 8 years.
3 months ago I caught him lying and I thought he was cheating on me, so I cut him off with no closure no nothing .
He came back yesterday telling me the truth and talking about me being the love of his life and that he been working on this problem to be with me and the woman “knows about me” , which I don’t believe at all.
I feel disgusting. Just the thought that another woman is out there thinking she’s going to marry this guy soon.
I found out who she was , I am willing to reach out to her to tell her the truth .. should I do that? Should I ruin his life?

Heyyy
I’m looking for honest advice because I’m genuinely unsure what to do.

I was the dumper. We were in a long-distance relationship for about a year. The relationship had a lot of beautiful moments lot of love and future plans and genuine feelings, but there was also a lot of confusion.
I often felt a gap between his words and his actions, and over time I felt like I never truly knew him or understood where I stood.

The breakup happened after a situation where I felt hurt and betrayed. I addressed it, but I felt like the conversation became defensive and I reached a point where I didn’t want to keep explaining myself anymore. I became numb
I left with no closure no nothing and we went into no contact.

Almost 3 months later, he reached out unexpectedly on another platform (after being blocked elsewhere). His message started with a simple greeting and then became very emotional. He said things like he “meant what he said,” that I was “not just a memory” to him, that there were things he wanted to tell me, and that he didn’t deserve someone like me. I know it’s a hoover tbh

The thing is, even though the message was emotional, I felt like it was still quite vague. It contained a lot of feelings but not much clarity about what he actually wanted or what he was trying to achieve by reaching out.

During no contact, I went through a phase where I was constantly trying to understand what happened and looking for answers. Eventually, I accepted that I might never have all of them, and honestly the distance helped me find peace.

Now I don’t feel angry or desperate for answers. I actually feel quite detached. But I’m wondering if replying would be the mature thing to do and give closure, or if it would just reopen something I worked hard to move past.

Would you reply in my situation? If yes, what mindset would you have going into it?

I broke up with my covert narcissist ex , even though the relationship was almost perfect and healthy , he betrayed me once and I simply left with no closure no arguing because he refused accountability.

Anyways , after almost 3 months of no contact I finally started to move on and grief him and the future we wanted together, he came back today.

Here is what he sent :

>!Hi,!<

>!I know I’ve messed up, but it doesn’t mean what I’ve said to you wasn’t genuine. I meant what I said. Except the part when I’m upset, I could’ve worded myself better. I’ve put you in an unfair position.!<

>!You’ve done something to me that I yet to understand, why you’re on my mind everyday even now. it’s bitter, sweet and agonising all at once. I don’t deserve you because you’re too pure for me.!<

>!I can understand why you don’t want to talk to me anymore, you’ll probably block me here as well after this message. I just wish it didn’t turn out like this, because you’re more than just a memory to me.!<

>!You and I prayed for the same thing: clarity, but we were shown different things and we definitely saw different things. I can’t say with certainty that I understand God’s guidance but I’m reluctantly letting fate lead the way. There’s so much I want to tell you but I think I ruined my chance to share.!<

>!I pray that you’re safe and well, I miss you dearly. I’m really focused on myself now and things are looking well, I’d pray to see you again but that will be selfish. One day. Take care 520.!<

How does this comeback looks like??? Hoovering right?
There’s no way I’ll get back with him. But should I respond to end it? Or just leave it like that?

Hey, I need advices. I broke up with my partner of 1 year, 3 months ago.
For weeks I had a gut feeling that something was not right even though the relationship was passionate and healthy.
I found out he lied about something and dismissed it, and completely tried to manipulate the narrative..

We are LDR , so I immediately left with no closure no discussion, no drama and no paragraph.. I blocked him completely and removed access..
I know I did the right thing because during no contact even though I was deeply hurt I could see the relationship with so much more clarity…
Anyways , I left for my self respect even though we had so much planned for the future..
But now it’s been 3 months, I am grieving him, I miss him and I know I would never reach out again and I don’t regret my choice.
For the first 2 weeks of no contact I was okay and relieved but now I feel like I’m spiralling and trying to fill in the gaps he left in my brain.
I initiated it , I chose to leave, so why am I not moving on?
How can I stop living in the relationship when it’s over?