u/Particular_Care6055

Ever since I got an injury a few years ago & my insurance saw that I made a smidge of progress in physical therapy and made the decision for me that I no longer needed it, despite the fact I was still reporting debilitating pain but it was still enough for my score on their PT questionnaire to improve, I've been very intentional about how I fill out insurance questionnaires now.

After a year of trying countless meds, I am able to FINALLY TELL A NOTICEABLE IMPROVEMENT in my depression with Spravato. Like, almost immediately. But I've been filling out the PHQ9s the exact same as I always have, because I worry my insurance will see that I've "improved" and decide for me that I no longer need it.

But now that I've been continuing treatment for a while with "apparently" no progress, I'm starting to worry they'll decide it doesn't work for me and end my coverage anyway.

Any long-term Spravato users want to chime in on how they "quantified" their progress in a way that kept insurance happy?

I've been wanting to try Kava for pain & anxiety. My research has shown that the liver concerns are overblown, and that Kava is safe as long as the proper part of the plant is used, but if the incorrect part is used it can be hepatotoxic. How do you verify that a product was prepared correctly?

Sorry if this has been answered elsewhere, my search didn't come up with anything. Thanks!

I've been slowly realizing just how fucked I am. Just how daunting and terrifyingly long it will take to heal enough to actually improve my quality of life. And that's if I can even achieve it, and that's if I can survive it in the first place.

I feel like I was literally just born today, and now I have to learn all about people & the world & reality itself all over again. Except, this time, there's already 20 years of a false, inaccurate childhood raising, a false and horrifyingly inaccurate initiation ritual for a false reality, all already hard-coded into my brain. And I have to be an adult and keep myself together enough to do adult things on top of that.

It's going to take me 20 more meticulous, painful and terrifying years to finally become a full-fledged human. And by then, over half my life will already be over since I'm already almost 30 years old. And then, I start wondering.. Why? Eventually I won't be alive to give a fuck whether I was miserable for 100 years or the happiest person in the world for 100 years. Why not cut out the bullshit and take the shortcut?

Who the fuck would drag themselves across barbed wire for years just to eat the world's most delicious candy bar and then die??? And that candy bar isn't even guaranteed!!!

I really don't think it's worth it. I really wish I could just kill myself already. It would be so much easier than this shit. But I can't even do that! The same anxiety that has ruined my life won't let me.

I'm so trapped by my own damn brain. Why did I have to be a consciousness in this brain & body? Why couldn't I have been some random person on the other side of the world 2,000 years ago???? Fuck me

I don't get how no one else seems to realize the amount of privilege you need to have in order to be autistic.

I was talking with my therapist about how I never related to the relief everyone else talks about feeling when they are late-diagnosed, all it was is proof that I'm biologically stuck this way and will have to suffer for it the rest of my life, which was my biggest fear growing up.

And I was telling him how anxious I am all the time because it feels like my life is hanging on a thread because I don't have enough privilege to have the same margin of error everyone else takes for granted. In fact, with my social isolation and no-contact with my abusive family (no one to fall back on like everyone else seems to take for granted) and the $500 I have in my bank account, I quite literally can't afford ANY margin of error what-so-ever.

I don't understand how everyone else can talk like they're rich and retired. "You gotta be patient with yourself, there's nothing wrong with you, you're simply operating on a different system than everyone else."

"Overwhelmed from working? Easy! Switch to a part-time role!" Who the fuck can afford ANYTHING working part-time in 2026? It's like they think my landlord will actually give a fuck when I tell him "Sorry, I can't afford rent anymore bc I'm operating on a different system!"

"Someone's mistreating you? Tell them to fuck off!" Which will get me both fired AND evicted...
"Tell your boss you need accommodations" So that they can become even MORE toxic and find a reason to fire me? No thanks.

inb4 "get a better job" THAT ALSO REQUIRES PRIVILEGE! I live in a small town with little job opportunities, even less for someone who has both mental AND physical disabilities like me. Affording to move is also a privilege I don't have right now.

I can't even afford to sign up for help for my disabilities, because I've been forced to work "perfectly fine" for my entire life, and you aren't eligible if you haven't lost work. How do people afford to lose work?? What other option did I have? Was I supposed to let myself become homeless just so I might be able to get help???

My therapist started going on about how I have too high expectations for myself. Who the fuck goes up to a guy desperately trying to survive all alone on Mars after his ship crashed "Hey man, you have too high expectations! Tone it down a little" I HAVE TONED IT DOWN!!! You think I want to live this way? How does one tone their expectations down past "basic survival"??? The only way I could lower my expectations further would be to become rich, retire permanently and hire a maid...

Everyone might as well be telling a Jew in a concentration camp in 1941 "There's nothing wrong with you! You're just a Jew! Love yourself!" Great, thanks for the memo, you think if I tell the Nazis "There's nothing wrong with me, I'm just a Jew!" They might go "oh! Okay then" and let me out scot-free??!!! idk what the fuck people are smoking, but I wish they'd share their drugs with me..

I'm getting sick of trying to get help and going into detail about the things I'm latched onto and how they cause me to suffer and how I cant figure out for the life of me how to let them go, only to be met with "but you're only human. Humans are social creatures"

🙄 Yes, and that is exactly why i will spend the rest of my life miserable while my "beloved humanity" eats me alive. I'm seriously starting to consider getting a lobotomy at this point, or maybe castration?

No one can help me figure out how to let go of the things I was raised to latch onto that I will never have, because everyone considers that fundamentally unhealthy. You call THIS healthy?!!! I would give anything to be able to crack open my skull and rip it all out.

I can't even kill myself because my stupid idiotic brain is so attached to all the Happy Hopeful Dreamy Things(TM) that will never happen to me.