u/PassionChemical2220

I'm starting to find men as friends exhausting too. As I dig deeper into all the unpaid emotional labor women perform, I realize how much male friends extract your mental labor too. Like I started following my intuition in life. If I leave a situation feeling more tired and exhausted than I was to start with, then I won't go back to that situation to protect my mental health unless obviously its a job I get paid for.

Now I'm finding myself drained after talking or even just texting a guy. They complain about their job, health so much for hours, rarely offer me solutions or support to my life, it seems like I'm being used to fill their loneliness void as a buffer. I'm sick of playing therapist or emotional regulator.

Any others here feel the same?

I'm sorry I've been wavering on whether to post this because I don't want to come off as mean. I hope you can understand my perspective. But basically what I am really really scared of is getting a sperm donation from a guy with for example NPD (narcissistic personality disorder) or ASPD (antisocial).

After years in therapy (CBT) because of domestic abuse from someone with a cluster B disorder, my therapist told me they can be genetic. He said I got lucky that I never got pregnant by him because in his 30 year long psych career he's witnessed the hell of one parent dealing with inheritable disorders. Honestly I don't have the strength in me to support a child and it would open up a bunch of heavy traumas and trigger my CPTSD.

So my question is, do clinics screen for inheritable mental disorders?

Thank you in advance, please be kind I don't mean to be discriminatory.

And it says a lot about the resulting abuse people suffer at the hands of untreated pwBPD.

Me: Listen to all his trauma dump and play unpaid therapist, blow jobs (ew) and smell man smell (sweat and odor).

Edit: also having to compromise on my hobby time and tbh him being so needy and attention seeking because he couldn't be alone

Sorry this is a mean post. Every woman I know has gained weight, cortisol face, looks haggard, bloated, tired, exhausted, poor posture and can't even smile. They haven't treated themselves in a long time either.

Now I think to myself, that is not a sign their man is loving them properly. They all look like they spent every day working 18 hours as an ICU nurse for 10 years. Just so much labor and extraction men do.

I look at that and as vain as I sound, I don't envy it. I want to feel and look beautiful. I will never let any man suck the youth out of me.

My therapist told me that to avoid burnout in the future, I need to consider emotional energy as like a currency. He said limit my empathy towards other people's problems to max 2 times a day and that I can't repeat thoughts about their issue after that day is over unless I am actively helping them physically.

It apparently conserves all the unpaid emotional labor people pleasers do. Like a limit tally to keep me in check.

I recal the part that actually pissed me off the most was how bossy they are. He would walk into the room and try and dictate what people should do, how they should live their lives and if they were doing things right or wrong. Looking back he actually had a face you would want to slap (not that I condone violence), the smugness and arrogance he had whilst his own life was in literal pits. Hypocrisy is high with them.

You calculate the cost of your unpaid emotional, spiritual and physical labor, cost of childrearing, loss of income and pension from childraising. You realize that even being fully provided for by a man on a decent income can not even come close in comepnsation, unless he pays you a salary for all your work (which over a lifetime amounts to millions of dollars). So you go on strike until you are properly compensated.

Just good business, direct your efforts elsewhere, usually to invest in ourself where we will see good returns on the quality of our life.

Sorry if this breaks mod rules by becoming feminist tirade.

The more I think about how loads of women are choosing to remain single and unmarried or leave relationships, the more you can really see the mask fall of and men crash out.

Men really thought that they could gaslight us women that going 5050 on bills was fair and equal. Now women are waking up about all the unpaid labor we do and enjoy an easier life alone like us girlies here. We rather pay 100 percent of the bills than do 5050 and get our peace broken. So their manipulation tactic failed. No longer can they get access to our energy and bodies in cohabitation whilst making us believe they support equality.

Now they are losing access to women and are crashing out about how they are going to pass on their biological gravy sauce. Natural selection is actually going to play a big part in what men actually get chosen to pass on their so called legacy.

The institution of marriage (which was created to ensure inheritance lines maintained intact) is crashing. They are realizing just how powerful we are since we hold the control over creating life and what man gets to continue his line. Women are opting for sperm donation and adoption with full control. With sperm donation we always guarantee our lineage and get to pick from banks. Men never get this level of paternity reassurance and it pisses this them off.

Tldr: At the end of the day, if we wind back thousands of years, a lot of men just passed away without passing on their genes. That was natural. Marriage is an artificial way of making sure men could pass on their genes whilst pressurizing women that their only purpose was marriage or they were useless or outcast. Now we take back our power and it's beautiful ❤️

Remember ladies if you ever get attacked for being single, they only attack where the power is.

5050, split bill culture is why I clocked out of dating. And honestly? I kind of cringe at women who accept this shit, especially when they are giving up their careers to give birth to and raise kids. I've seen women suffer from painful epidurals and then expected to cook and clean and work a job a few weeks later. That is just shooting yourself in the foot lady, more women NEED to advocate for themselves and stop letting these dumbass lazy men get away with just working whilst we offer so much more as creators of life. Why the fuck should we work a full time job, whilst pregnant, whilst in immense pain and going through a major life change and pay HALF of everything?

No, I'd rather pay for all the rent and keep my peace and sanity than go 5050 with a messy smelly manchild who eats 80 percent of the food and wants sex all the time despite pregnant or healing from pregnancy. They can't seem to understand this logic and how much better being alone is.

I kinda think to myself when a woman is having a child whilst doing 5050, so you're giving a baby to your roommate?

And you know what's happening now, there's a super big rise in women choosing to adopt or raise a kid alone becuase it is SO much less labor than carrying a man with her. Men can cry about it.

Says it all. Looking for a women only gym in my area, public post. Of course it was brigaded by men making sarcastic comments and invalidating the need.

This is exactly why I noped out of dating. Imagine dating or marrying a man, or letting men have access to your body who clearly does not respect safe spaces and boundaries. There's just too many men who don't understand why women want to be left the fuck alone away from their gaze.

Minute of silence for women unable to divorce their pwBPD husband in patriarchal areas.

I can't imagine being trapped like this with a batshit insane husband and being gaslit by the culture that the woman has to bear with it, or that its normal, in circumstances which divorce difficult to impossible.

So yeah, just a moment of silence.

(Reposted to obey mod rules)

Sorry second post today. But one of the unspoken small pleasures about being single is having CLEAN LOVELY FRESH bedsheets to sleep in that haven't been stained by mansweat, skidmarks, dirty socks and bad breath and crumpled up such that the 4 ends are not even secure anymore.

I remember being invalidated by 2 guys that washing bedsheets once a week was excessive. They washed theirs once every 1.5 to 2 months. I found that disgusting. They gaslight me that I'm wasting water and electricity washing it. Im sat there wondering how the fuck can they sleep at night sniffing the accumulation of 7 nights worth of dead skin cells and sweat??! I live in a hot place so it's even worse.These are guys that don't even shower before bed so all the day dirt gets in the bed, and they even sleep in it with outdoor clothes that have been in public places.

Now heres the problem. If you have a cleaning standard thats HIGHER than the man, you will always end up with more labor because he can not be bothered to meet your standards and will dirty up the place so much that you get cortisol triggered dealing with the mess.

So yeah, I'll stick with my beautiful clean sheets that smell like flowers and clouds. It makes me feel safe and snuggly.

Like I just can't fathom sharing a bed with a man for the rest of my life, I value my sleep and clean bed WAYYY too much.

I know this sub is for single ladies, but thought I'd share. Was having coffee with her and she mentioned she became irate at how men expect kids and babies to fly out of nowhere. So she just set it straight on her profile that she's happy to have kids if the man can afford a nanny. Lol she got a lot of pushback but she's laughing.

Edit: she did it because her mother suffered a lot doing it all and doesn't want the same life. She doesn't care if she remains single because of it and was being sarcastic with it lol. She's saving up to adopt and would rather raise a kid alone than with a man that isn't helpful or provides.

In a kind of protective way for yourself? I spent a lot of money on pilates, gym, skincare, therapy, studied my traumas, protected my peace, invest all my free time to my hobbies, curate my environment, decorated my place perfectly to me etc. My life is perfect right now and I just KNOW if i invite a man into it I will just have to compromise my peace and schedule.

I just kinda refuse to let a man steal my energy away from all of that. Few men will invest in you, many men see a woman that looks great, healthy and want to snipe her for himself and drain her to make himself feel better.

I DONT miss those days of staying out late, getting 4 hours sleep, being at his place which reeks of manchild aroma and unwashed ambition and sweat, dealing with his negative energy. Being told 5050 is normal, UTIs, gaslighting, push pull energy...

For example, using up all my nice skincare and makeup, for him to touch my face and smear it with bacteria and shit. Or mess my hair because he wants to make out on his terms and time, or having my sleep disturbed cuz he wants sex, using up my car fuel to pay 5050 on a shitty meal and mediocre conversation. Ugh.

(Edit I know there are other gender identities and orientations on this sub, sorry I can't curate a post that is more neutral, I only have experience with men!)

The problem is a lot of the pro single life girlies on social media are posting (expensive?) solo holidays and adventures. That's great, no shade and it really shows how holidays are so free and enjoyable when you are not carrying a useless husband who wont even plan outings or wrangling kids at a beach he won't help with. However holidays abroad isn't always feasible for many who have to work all week and maybe get 3 weeks a year of leave and have mortgages to pay.

My peaceful day is sitting on the floor of my room playing violin and then decorating my house. Then I'll take a walk in my sundress and take some whimsical pictures and spend 2 hours editing the colors on my phone. Then I'll take a long bath its amazing. I'm thinking of painting my ceiling next with patterns I found online too!

Male friend, dating, sometimes trauma dumping coworkers. And it nearly always goes unappreciated. They are so extractive by nature no wonder women glow down in marriage.

I'm not even going to elaborate. This is a universal law.

Also let's just all agree that dating in 2026 is pretty much like looking both ways before crossing a road and getting hit by a fucking A380 plane