u/PassionChemical2220

I'm noticing more single women talking about how they had so much energy to themselves when they had a period of celibacy or women who just never had intimacy with a man. There's this theory of energy exchange/emotional contagion that if you have sex with a man he is siphoning your energy and transferring his negative energies onto you. Sure this sounds like spiritual exaggeration but I do believe it has some energetic basis.

I noticed online when women mention the benefits of celibacy the men lose their shit in comments section, because they were socialized to believe, especially in religious circles, that a woman's purity is to serve a man's ego. I was raised religious, and with the religious trad catholic men for example, it's almost as if "YES women need to stay a virgin/celibate", but when a lady does it for her own peace of mind, clarity, health and quality of life and chooses to never get married, they go up in arms "BUT NOT LIKE THAT!". How dare she benefit from celibacy not to give her body in the end to a man! She's selfish and just living for herself rather than pleasing her husband!

The religious men expect women avoiding marriage to be sleeping around all the time and trash us as whores, like that's how we see freedom? It's a projection because that is exactly what men do. They can't fathom that women want to remain celibate for HERSELF only and her peace. It really causes cognitive dissonance to them. I find it lowkey amusing. Glad I deconstructed from religion.

A little bit of a rant, but something I noticed.

Sorry for the second post today... Making use of my vacation to consider my life choices

So I really want to become a mother and I looked into IUI and r/singlemothersbychoice sub and it all sounds great but in clinic needs multiple rounds and costs ramp up pretty fast in my area. Also because its dominant Catholic here its just so hard to travel to a clinic and avoid pro religion peeps.

Lowkey, I kind of just want to bang a guy when I'm ovulating who agrees to be a sperm donor but doesnt want to be a father, have a legal agreement and avoid all the clinic costs of IUI. Like there's so many guys who (sorry for my language) just nut and abandon their kid, which is horrible for some women, but I wouldn't mind it happening to me because I have the savings and family to support the baby and DONT want to deal with co-parenting hell or extra labor of a man in my life. I feel I would have more energy to be a better mother single than as married.

Does anyone here have any advice for going about it this way ethically and consentually?

Obviously I can't go on random dating apps and ask men😂 I've seen facebook groups of this nature but it seems sketchy.

I'm posting because I don't have many ladies who would sip matcha and tolerate this rambling of my disgusting experience in real life lol.

The second to last guy I dated - thought was decent (turned out to be a lovebombing narc but it is what it is). Went to his place. I kid you not, it was something out of resident evil, and he seemed to have NO SHAME about this. This I swear was a final boss of a woman's dating experience:

Mold on pillow and bed

Food in his bed growing mold that he somehow slept in

Trashcan NEXT to his bed smelling of rotten food

Clothes scattered everywhere collecting dust

He didn't have any washing machine, so presumably he was too lazy to wash his clothes at public services

I soon found out he wore the same shirt for weeks to the point they were getting stiff and crusty

His own phone screen was full of grease that it lost sensitivity to touch

He mixed cleaned clothes with dirty ones in a random pile

His hair was so greasy it was just sticky and wouldn't move

He opened his backpack and it was with mold as well from old food rotting at the bottom

No headboard, mattress yellowed because the sheets were not even done properly

In a way I am thankful I saw this because it really pushed me to the decision to be single instead of tolerating these men.

Looking back, I can't believe how much of a pick me I was, trying to figure out the hoops of how I can get a guy to propose/marry me. I was once on that sub digging the magic formula that would make a guy propose, which was very desperate low self esteem energy. Now I realized how much of a bullet I dodged with the married life. And I don't recognize the version of me who was crying over why men don't propose.

Well tables have turned, less women want to marry now and men are the beggars. Good riddance.

(Please don't brigade that sub, this is just a reflection post)

Until a few years ago when all the tiktok/IG videos blew up about women glowing up post divorce and focusing on themselves I genuinely thought I had something intrinsically wrong or different with me for not feeling "naturally" drawn to dating men. I asked myself, am I a lesbian? that didn't stick. I genuinely grew up from high school watching other girls get excited about dating men and I just shuddered like girl, he wipes his boogers on his shirt and talks trash?? I didn't get the hubhub.

So years went by and I thought okay, maybe they had raging teenage hormones whatever. Then age 22-26, women were still addicted to dating men and the idea of marriage. I couldn't feel an ounce of motivation to bother chatting to them or trying to prove why I was attractive to them. It always felt like a natural waste of my time and such a boring chore.

Like my life philosophy has been to follow my instinct of what regulates my nervous system and improves the quality of my life, and it certainly wasn't dating, especially hearing the awful experiences women get thrown into emotionally and physically.

It only took 2 years ago when I stopped gaslighting myself and felt validated by women like on his sub and beyond that I am NOT ALONE in this feeling. I think I ended up chalking up to being raised well with a great childhood and being treated well by my family. I couldn't imagine reducing the quality of my life by being with guys who seek to extract my body and labor for thier benefit.

So yay, I don't have a personality issue, I'm not a schizoid. It's literally that dating guys is dangerous, repulsive and too high maintenance.

Okay so I'll probably delete this because it's personal but I really want to vent for now. I remained celibate until I was 26 because I just wasn't attracted to guys sexually beyond hugging and focused on my career. And honestly the whole idea of sex feels dirty and so HIGH MAINTENANCE.

You need to spend all this money on nice lingerie, you need to plan contraception that has awful side effects, you need to shower before so you smell good for your man and spend lord knows how much time drying your hair and styling it, and shower AGAIN afterwards because of the nasty cum on your skin and sweat, and spend hour AGAIN drying and styling your hair because its a tangled wreck. Then you gotta change the bedsheets to fresh ones which he won't help with, then you gotta keep track of your period to make sure you're not pregnant, and then you gotta nag your partner to trim his nasty nails and clean himself so you don't get cuts from fingering or UTIs. Then you gotta deal with the sleep exhaustion because he probably bonered you at 2AM and you got work the next day. And all those nasty blowjobs they expect where your eyes are literally crying and you can't breathe.

Like I'm exhausted by typing this. I can't be fucked with all this effort for sex and I'm happy with my vibrator. Its quicker, actually gives an orgasm and doesn't require all this cleaning and health maintenance.

I'm starting to find men as friends exhausting too. As I dig deeper into all the unpaid emotional labor women perform, I realize how much male friends extract your mental labor too. Like I started following my intuition in life. If I leave a situation feeling more tired and exhausted than I was to start with, then I won't go back to that situation to protect my mental health unless obviously its a job I get paid for.

Now I'm finding myself drained after talking or even just texting a guy. They complain about their job, health so much for hours, rarely offer me solutions or support to my life, it seems like I'm being used to fill their loneliness void as a buffer. I'm sick of playing therapist or emotional regulator.

Any others here feel the same?

I'm sorry I've been wavering on whether to post this because I don't want to come off as mean. I hope you can understand my perspective. But basically what I am really really scared of is getting a sperm donation from a guy with for example NPD (narcissistic personality disorder) or ASPD (antisocial).

After years in therapy (CBT) because of domestic abuse from someone with a cluster B disorder, my therapist told me they can be genetic. He said I got lucky that I never got pregnant by him because in his 30 year long psych career he's witnessed the hell of one parent dealing with inheritable disorders. Honestly I don't have the strength in me to support a child and it would open up a bunch of heavy traumas and trigger my CPTSD.

So my question is, do clinics screen for inheritable mental disorders?

Thank you in advance, please be kind I don't mean to be discriminatory.

And it says a lot about the resulting abuse people suffer at the hands of untreated pwBPD.

Me: Listen to all his trauma dump and play unpaid therapist, blow jobs (ew) and smell man smell (sweat and odor).

Edit: also having to compromise on my hobby time and tbh him being so needy and attention seeking because he couldn't be alone

Sorry this is a mean post. Every woman I know has gained weight, cortisol face, looks haggard, bloated, tired, exhausted, poor posture and can't even smile. They haven't treated themselves in a long time either.

Now I think to myself, that is not a sign their man is loving them properly. They all look like they spent every day working 18 hours as an ICU nurse for 10 years. Just so much labor and extraction men do.

I look at that and as vain as I sound, I don't envy it. I want to feel and look beautiful. I will never let any man suck the youth out of me.

My therapist told me that to avoid burnout in the future, I need to consider emotional energy as like a currency. He said limit my empathy towards other people's problems to max 2 times a day and that I can't repeat thoughts about their issue after that day is over unless I am actively helping them physically.

It apparently conserves all the unpaid emotional labor people pleasers do. Like a limit tally to keep me in check.

I recal the part that actually pissed me off the most was how bossy they are. He would walk into the room and try and dictate what people should do, how they should live their lives and if they were doing things right or wrong. Looking back he actually had a face you would want to slap (not that I condone violence), the smugness and arrogance he had whilst his own life was in literal pits. Hypocrisy is high with them.

You calculate the cost of your unpaid emotional, spiritual and physical labor, cost of childrearing, loss of income and pension from childraising. You realize that even being fully provided for by a man on a decent income can not even come close in comepnsation, unless he pays you a salary for all your work (which over a lifetime amounts to millions of dollars). So you go on strike until you are properly compensated.

Just good business, direct your efforts elsewhere, usually to invest in ourself where we will see good returns on the quality of our life.

Sorry if this breaks mod rules by becoming feminist tirade.

The more I think about how loads of women are choosing to remain single and unmarried or leave relationships, the more you can really see the mask fall of and men crash out.

Men really thought that they could gaslight us women that going 5050 on bills was fair and equal. Now women are waking up about all the unpaid labor we do and enjoy an easier life alone like us girlies here. We rather pay 100 percent of the bills than do 5050 and get our peace broken. So their manipulation tactic failed. No longer can they get access to our energy and bodies in cohabitation whilst making us believe they support equality.

Now they are losing access to women and are crashing out about how they are going to pass on their biological gravy sauce. Natural selection is actually going to play a big part in what men actually get chosen to pass on their so called legacy.

The institution of marriage (which was created to ensure inheritance lines maintained intact) is crashing. They are realizing just how powerful we are since we hold the control over creating life and what man gets to continue his line. Women are opting for sperm donation and adoption with full control. With sperm donation we always guarantee our lineage and get to pick from banks. Men never get this level of paternity reassurance and it pisses this them off.

Tldr: At the end of the day, if we wind back thousands of years, a lot of men just passed away without passing on their genes. That was natural. Marriage is an artificial way of making sure men could pass on their genes whilst pressurizing women that their only purpose was marriage or they were useless or outcast. Now we take back our power and it's beautiful ❤️

Remember ladies if you ever get attacked for being single, they only attack where the power is.

5050, split bill culture is why I clocked out of dating. And honestly? I kind of cringe at women who accept this shit, especially when they are giving up their careers to give birth to and raise kids. I've seen women suffer from painful epidurals and then expected to cook and clean and work a job a few weeks later. That is just shooting yourself in the foot lady, more women NEED to advocate for themselves and stop letting these dumbass lazy men get away with just working whilst we offer so much more as creators of life. Why the fuck should we work a full time job, whilst pregnant, whilst in immense pain and going through a major life change and pay HALF of everything?

No, I'd rather pay for all the rent and keep my peace and sanity than go 5050 with a messy smelly manchild who eats 80 percent of the food and wants sex all the time despite pregnant or healing from pregnancy. They can't seem to understand this logic and how much better being alone is.

I kinda think to myself when a woman is having a child whilst doing 5050, so you're giving a baby to your roommate?

And you know what's happening now, there's a super big rise in women choosing to adopt or raise a kid alone becuase it is SO much less labor than carrying a man with her. Men can cry about it.

Says it all. Looking for a women only gym in my area, public post. Of course it was brigaded by men making sarcastic comments and invalidating the need.

This is exactly why I noped out of dating. Imagine dating or marrying a man, or letting men have access to your body who clearly does not respect safe spaces and boundaries. There's just too many men who don't understand why women want to be left the fuck alone away from their gaze.

Minute of silence for women unable to divorce their pwBPD husband in patriarchal areas.

I can't imagine being trapped like this with a batshit insane husband and being gaslit by the culture that the woman has to bear with it, or that its normal, in circumstances which divorce difficult to impossible.

So yeah, just a moment of silence.

(Reposted to obey mod rules)