r/SingleWomenByChoice

We’re raised from birth to want this. It’s in the movies, it’s in religious texts, it’s everywhere. Marrying a man is framed as the correct choice, the thing you’re supposed to dream about: the perfect romantic partner who sweeps you off your feet, who’s emotionally attuned, who gets you. Then women get married and slowly realize the romance was a performance. It was never real. It’s an act men put on to get access to sex and free labor, and once the ring’s on, the act ends.

The man from the movies suddenly can’t see the mess in front of him. He regresses into someone who needs to be told what to do, task by task. The “natural leader” turns out to just be weaponizing incompetence. The sweet, romantic guy starts acting like he’s entitled to your body, and you’re no longer allowed to say no to sex without it becoming an issue.

It’s the same thing with motherhood. Ask a mom how it’s going and you get “it’s hard but I wouldn’t trade it for the world” or “I love my kids more than anything.” What you don’t hear is “if I knew then what I know now, I wouldn’t have done it.” They can’t say that. If enough mothers admitted the truth, fewer women would choose to have kids, and that would mean the ones who already did made the wrong call. So they lie and make it look like it was worth it, like it’s everything they wanted, because if they didn’t, they’d have to sit with the fact that they gave up their life for something they didn’t fully choose, while everyone else got to opt out.

Married women need other women to want this too. They need envy. Because if nobody envies them, it means they’re having sex they don’t want several times a week for no real reason. It means they’re coming home from work to clean up after a grown man and wash his skid marked underwear, also for no reason. So when single women ask what marriage is like, married women lie, the same way they lie about motherhood, so they’re not the only ones doing it. So it doesn’t feel like they signed up for unpaid labor for nothing.

I was scrolling reddit as one does and I saw a married group and the question was "knowing what you know now would you marry your partner in another life"

Tell me why almost all of them I saw said no....I almost commented saying thank God I wanna be single forever 🤣

I just got such a big laugh from it.

I tell you sometimes I would love to have that a great relationship but then God shows me stuff like that and I say nope I'd rather be single! 🤣

Why do people stay married? I don't get it if you don't like who you are with THAT much just leave...get a divorce!

I'm curious if there are any Queer or Lesbian women here and what was their final straw?

I'm a late bloomer Lesbian and have been single for the past year.

I have no desire to date until I finish my healing journey but I am not put off the experience of dating women but I do absolutely love being single and only having to consider myself.

Well, I am starting my single journey. I'm actually quite excited and have already noticed so many benefits.

All my relationships honestly sucked. I was constantly compromising, being over affectionate, and always trying to cater to the other person.

Even if these relationships were hypothetically good instead, I still feel like I am tired of compromising. Tired of not having alone time. Tired of putting my all into a relationship. Tired of always being the clingy and lovey dovey one.

I forgot how peaceful it is to not have to micromanage someone else's emotions. Getting to choose what show I want to watch, or what music I want to play. Not having to beg for someone's time and attention.

I've started giving myself love, time, and attention. I feel so much better giving myself love because at least I know it's authentic, unlike some of the love I've received.

Celebrating three blissful years of quiet evenings without someone’s dusty and literally crusty son getting on my damn nerves and doing whatever the fuck I want.

It was some time in September—had a whole lot going on, like preparing to go to court to sue for injuries from an accident, so I don’t remember the exact date. That just means I celebrate all month 💅

Give me your ideas, ladies!

I fell into it lol. I have always judged women who stayed with trashy men and i recently noticed i have the exactly same pattern of feeling the need to care for a man (in general, im not in a relationship) and keep him from any harm, hell, fuck harm, keeping him away from any bad feelings. I care for them more than i would for kids when it comes to emotions. And even tho i'm aware of this, its still so fucking hard to stop, like how do i get this strenght and confidence and love for myself? Feels so pathetic.

Im somewhere on a journey on figuring out what i want and i just recently discovered that staying single by choice is indeed an option, lol. It still feels scary tho and im so scared of myself, of not keeping my boudaries and suffering cuz of it

I get irritated when a man touches stuff in public, buttons, surfaces and then proceeds to touch my hair and face. Like please don't! And when I set that boundary they get angry.

And have you seen the way men live solo? I've seen men sleeping on moldy sheets, moldy pillow, dust bunnies in their clothes, they don't brush their teeth, they don't spend more than 3 minutes in the shower, their car is rancid and stinks, they literally put dirty shoes on the bed or couch, they wear outdoor clothes that have been on the subway INDOORS on the bed. Stuff like personal hygiene, their peepee hasn't been cleaned, they have smegma etc. then they leave plates in the sink for a week, you open their laptop and their keys have sticky grease on them I can go on...

Like hygiene alone is enough for me to nope out before we even get to their personality and emotional intelligence. Yuck.

Credit to: “@fashionablydivorced” on TikTok

Just kind of ranting here.

For some reason, watching this video and reading the comments shook me to my core. For a while now, I’ve known that marriage is essentially sexual slavery for most women in heterosexual relationships with men, but the comments legitimately made me so sad. Why is this so “normalized”? I’ve seen other TikToks where women make jokes about having to have sex with their husbands as their “last chore on their to-do list” for the day. The other day, a woman posted a #relatable 🤪 TikTok, and it was her making a joke about how her husband wakes her up OUT OF HER SLEEP to have sex??? And ALL of the comments were just women making jokes about how relatable it was??? HELLO?? I couldn’t believe what I was reading in the comments.

Like I said, I’ve known marriage was sexual slavery for a while now, because when I was younger, my mother essentially told me that it was super common and even expected for women to have sex with their husbands, even when they don’t want to! It made me look at my father so differently. 😔 It also makes me look at all married women differently as well. Whenever I look at a married woman, all I can think is that she’s likely, at some point, being pressured into having sex with her husband, and this is normal? Apparently everyone knows this, and this is just how marriage is!! I just can’t believe this. Why do mothers encourage daughters to get married when they apparently know this is the case? Like some sort of scheme?

Another thing that disturbs me is that so many men are having “sex” with their wives when they both know the other party doesn’t want to do it! “Duty sex,” as they call it. How can you live with yourself knowing your wife is only participating in the act because she’s afraid of you? The fact that she’s not having sex with you because she truly desires you, but because she’s otherwise been pressured into it?! I know this is a tangent/rant, but I just can’t believe so many women live like this!! Ugh. I will never ever get married.

Hi everybody! Just wanted to check in here to see how folks handle vacations when the majority of the participants have partners and kids. I am a single woman, no kids, and recently participated in a weeklong vacation which was a sort of reunion for our college friend group, who are now spread all over the country. The majority of participants had partners/kids. I had hesitations about going but decided to go because I hadn’t seen some of these people in years and we used to be very close in college. The trip was what you would expect - very focused on the kids with kid-friendly activities, kids would intermittently squabble and cry (as kids do!), etc. I knew what I was getting myself into, so I’m not complaining exactly, but it was not a super fun vacation for me and I’m debating whether I should go to next year’s “reunion.” Has anyone else had similar experiences and how do you handle these situations? I wish it was an option to do an adults-only trip but many of the husbands are unwilling/unable to care for the kids while the wives go on vacation (that’s another issue, don’t get me started haha).

I am not talking about the usual "I'm deleting Hinge for my mental health" fatigue. I mean the moment after that, when the actual impulse to look for someone just quietly flatlined. And instead of feeling lonely or bummed, it just felt like massive relief.

For me, it kind of happened in pieces. I booked a solo winter camping trip centered around Muay Thai training. No plus one, no hoping I'd meet someone there, just going because I wanted to. I found myself looking forward to a totally empty Saturday morning with the exact same excitement people get before a great date.

That was when it clicked. Dating just felt like a hobby I used to be into, but completely outgrew and have no desire to pick back up.

Was there a specific moment for you where it flipped from "I'm okay with being single for now" to "I genuinely never want to do this again"?

Imagine being a grown woman and asking your bf/husband if you're allowed to get something from the grocery store. At least he said yes I guess? 🥴

There are endless reasons I'm grateful to be single, because I could never.

An anonymous survey of 3000 men revealed that they know when they are engaging in r@pe & coersion.

95.1% is most men, not some mysterious minority that women happen to "attract". The bar has always been in hell.

1. Folding laundry in less than 5mins
2. Being able to change clothes without having to hide in the closet or anywhere in the house
3. Being ugly in peace at home (or anywhere in the world 😀😀)

Update: thank you all for taking the time to share all these amazing responses. Am not in position to respond to you all but thanks a lot for sharing the little joys of a single life. I hope these responses uplift us when feeling low and always remind us that we are enough and whole! Wish you all a wonderful week!

One pattern I've noticed among the women who are obsessed with men is that they often lack a purpose or genuine passions. As a consequence, they try to find that purpose in romantic relationships with men.

On average, I have observed less male-centeredness among women who are dedicated to a craft/hobby. Like artists, musicians, or fitness enthusiasts.

As an artist, I can say that there is nothing more rewarding and validating than seeing my ideas come to life on my canvas! Validation from a man could never compare.

Make it a priority to get to know yourself and explore. You might just be surprised at the capabilities that reveal themselves to you, and maybe even lead you towards a deeper calling!

Recently, my one of former male classmates’ baby mama had passed away this year in a car accident. I thought usually the child would go the father if something was to happened to the mother. Unfortunately, not! Although, the father is abled body and well-functioning 30 years old adult. The child went living with her grandmother(aka mother’s mom) and she has guardianship of her grandchild.
Meanwhile, the father is posting hanging at parties and drinking. Once in the blue moon, he tried to act like he’s a hardworking single dad handling everything on his own.
Everyday, I’m glad to be childless and single by choice. I will hate to know my child cannot be left with her own father.
This is heads up to women who choosing to have kids. Please, make sure you have a village of women willing to take care of your babies.

The reason I mentioned " I think" is because I'm not 100 percent certain about it, but I am about 99%. I tend to find men very boring and unfunny. In 1-on-1 conversations, they act as if the whole world revolves around them, and then confess out of nowhere. They're ignorant, and most of them expect their wives to pop out as many kids as they desire, just to continue their "legacy" as if their sperm is made out of liquid gold (plus I don't even want kids).

I've had bad experiences with men, and I'm simply not interested in them as human beings, but I do know I'm still attracted to, yk..., their genitalia, but that's about it, and that's not even a joke. I'm also not one to use people for their bodies, and I know I could technically just mess around without any label, but I also don't think I'm capable of doing that. Not because I get attached, but I don't wanna catch some sort of std.

Another point: most of the women I'm surrounded by are extremely male-centred, and I kinda fear ending up all by myself. I would be okay never dating a man because they're disgusting, but most women I know, especially in my culture, just put so much emphasis on marrying, and all my girl friends only talk about wanting to date men (which I can't stand).

How do you deal with this? Did being single by choice leave you lonely, or the complete opposite?

Oh my gosh… this thread showed up in my feed just now and the title caught my attention: “Things are easier with my husband on vacation.” Basically wives talking about how life is less stressful when their husband isn’t in town.

https://www.reddit.com/r/married/s/yBXy0rujWh

It reinforces so much of our conversations in this sub, and definitely stirs up feelings from when I was married. 🫪

I’m tired, y’all, just from reading some of these…

I have been in the gym consistently for a few years now, and in that time have become almost repulsed by observing men and their behaviors. First of all, probably 90% of them don't wipe down their machines. They will leave sweaty ball imprints for the next person.

Most of them are straight up ego lifting with terrible form and ROM. Every day I see at least a few just sloppily throwing around the heaviest weights they can lift thinking they're so cool. Yesterday I watched a man who was probably around 65 years old just stare at himself flexing his pecs in the mirror. Later I was walking behind him and he was just slowly strutting around checking himself out in every mirror he passed.

There's a guy I see regularly who just walks around likes he's hot stuff and doesn't actually do anything, just lingers on equipment and pretends to stretch. I've seen a handful of men wear sunglasses in the gym and while it could possibly be a medical thing, I've never once seen a woman wearing them. I also don't see women ego lifting. Maybe they're doing things incorrectly but they're at least trying. Women are also not obnoxiously screaming and loudly grunting. These men are so desperate for attention.

I can tell by the way a guy carries himself that he's full of himself. I don't even need to interact with them. Of course there are seemingly normal men who aren't clearly on an ego trip, but the majority of them are ridiculous. While there are plenty of objectively good-looking and fit men at the gym, I want nothing to do with them. Even the way they park their stupid lifted trucks wreaks of entitlement.

Of course you will find a lot of vanity in a setting like the gym, but these men are next level and I'm over it. 🫠