r/SingleWomenByChoice

Anybody else feels the supposed feminist subs on Reddit (yes, including the feminism sub itself) have been hijacked by men?

There are multiple posts every week on whether or not remove body hair, as if that’s women’s biggest problem right bow 🙄 But I’ve noticed that posts criticizing men’s behavior either get removed or get jumped by a bunch of accounts with “not all men”, “my husband definitely isn’t like that” or “there are also wonderful men out there” comments.

It’s sad but also makes me feel lucky to have found this sub. It feels like the only safe space for women on the internet. I really hope any future mods for thia sub (I know there was a call), get thoroughly screened and verified.

Hi girls! I am happily single and have been celibate for 14 months.

I’ve always had issues finding casual sex and think it’s ultimately too dangerous with not a lot of benefit. I own toys and know how to pleasure myself but i still do miss the sexual energy of another person.

I guess my question is- can someone here relate? If so, how are you dealing with the lack of sexual intimacy and the urge to date again just to fulfill that aspect?

For context, I’m divorced. My friends keep telling me to get back out there and how it’s so much fun having a provider man. I don’t get it though, you work just as much as he does (more hours sometimes) and I know for sure you make more than him LOL why do some married women do this? why lie when you too are clearly contributing to the household? It’s so hard for them to believe I can be divorced and happy.

To their credit, they gave me a lot of support which I divorced the menace I married, it just seems so weird that I’m always being told to go out and find a pRovIdEr.

I once had a talk with an (ex) male friend after my breakup. During that chat, I told him I was childfree, and he responded by saying "what's the point of wanting a marriage if you don't want kids"?

My response to him at the time was more from a legal perspective. I discussed hospital visitation rights, medical decision-making authority, inheritance rights, and veteran survivor benefits etc. Basically everything that gay couples fight for.

It only occurred to me now that most men wanted marriage for very different reasons. I approach marriage thinking of "how we can take care of each other when we need it". But he approaches it thinking "free unlimited sex and making babies".

Anyway, we're no longer friends because he made me uncomfortable more than once. He's one of those guys who broke up with his gf because she wouldn't have sex with him. I severed ties with his friend group too, because they had proven to me that birds of a feather flock together.

Funnily, now I totally agree with that ex-friend for very different reasons. Why the heck do I need to get married? If I am financially independent, there is literally no need to put myself through the ordeal by marrying a man and dealing with the legal issues (+time, money, mental health) if that marriage falls apart.

After finally escaping years of lost life in relationships with men, I no longer view relationships as something to aspire to. Every man I’ve ever dated was not who he presented himself as, so during the good times, they were basically just playing me for a fool.

As a result, I feel sorry when I see women in relationships. I wonder what they are dealing with behind closed doors, what parts of themselves they are sacrificing, and what they are believing that they will later find out was never true.

I'm curious to hear from other single women about this because it's something I've been struggling to reconcile.

When I look at sex from a woman's perspective, I sometimes find it difficult not to see a lot of sexual acts as inherently degrading to women, or at least much more physically and socially humiliating for us than for men. Things like blowjobs, certain sexual positions, and the general expectation that women should perform sexually for men's pleasure.

I understand that people can genuinely enjoy these things, and I'm not saying every woman who enjoys them is being coerced or secretly miserable. But I still struggle with the broader dynamic: men are often the ones receiving pleasure, while women are expected to put themselves in vulnerable, uncomfortable, or sometimes humiliating positions to satisfy them. And socially, women tend to bear more of the consequences of sex, from slut-shaming to pregnancy risks.

Sometimes I wonder whether my perspective has been shaped by misogyny and the way society portrays women, or whether I'm noticing a genuine imbalance that people are reluctant to discuss because sex is supposed to be empowering and enjoyable for everyone.

For single women who aren't actively having sex or who have spent time thinking critically about these dynamics, do you ever struggle with this? Does the idea of having sex with a man sometimes feel degrading to you, even when you imagine it happening consensually with someone you like? Or are you able to separate the physical acts from the power dynamics and social baggage surrounding them?

I'm genuinely interested in hearing different perspectives, especially from women who have wrestled with these thoughts themselves.

Last year I dumped a partner for the last time. it was an exhausting relationship. I was constantly being asked to give up my goals and dreams to pacify her all while watching her cross boundaries with people in her life. I was extremely clear when I met her that I wasn’t looking for a relationship and was only interested in being friends.

I decided to give her a chance because she swore up and down that she loved me. About a year and a half in I came to the same conclusion I came to many years ago: relationships are not worth it.

Every relationship I’ve been in led to me losing money, time, dignity and rest. I ended up sacrificing my needs just to be put last or not even considered.

I find all these pro-single women commentary so interesting because there is an assumption that only men can be problematic.

I think anyone can be problematic in a relationship when one partner is expected to carry all or most of the financial, emotional or physical load.

I knew 20 years ago that I should have stayed single. But 20 years ago, I was too dumb to realize all I would lose getting into a relationship. Now I’m crystal clear. Never again.

Eta: dignity, lost that every time.

Don't you just love it when you have fun night out, drinking with your gals, talking about anything and laughing your hearts out ? I do, I love the happy hormones releasing into my brain.

We were talking about a new guy one of us started dating. He definitely is a looker so we complimented him. She is happy, we are happy. As we are still talking about how good they look together, a boyfriend of another friends comes to us. He listens to our convo and then has the biggest crashout.

Suddenly he is yelling at all of us, calling us names and slur. The bar gets quiet, everybody is watching. Now he is threatening us. Great. What does his gf do ? Trying to calm him down with measly "Babe, this isn't you 🥺."

He is only getting more and more agitated. He is foaming at his mouth and spitting at me as he is yelling.

Since he is not leaving, I do. I get up and pack my things, other girls do too. The girl with the rabid boyfriend asks us why are we leaving. We tell her that none of us want to be berated by her boyfriend. She finaly tells him to fuck off and he leaves. But we are also leaving, nobody is realy in good mood after being threatened by grown me that he is going to punch us.

In car she tells us it's our fault. We apparently provoked him because he is self-counscious about his looks.

Excuse me ?!?!?!

It's not my job to accomodate his low self esteem. He came to US in the middle of OUR convo. If he didn't like it he could have just fucked off.

She is now playing the victim. We are apparely too sensitive for wanting to leave because he is always like that and we should get used to it.

If you want to suffer please do continue but don't involve innocent bystanders into it.

I'm noticing more single women talking about how they had so much energy to themselves when they had a period of celibacy or women who just never had intimacy with a man. There's this theory of energy exchange/emotional contagion that if you have sex with a man he is siphoning your energy and transferring his negative energies onto you. Sure this sounds like spiritual exaggeration but I do believe it has some energetic basis.

I noticed online when women mention the benefits of celibacy the men lose their shit in comments section, because they were socialized to believe, especially in religious circles, that a woman's purity is to serve a man's ego. I was raised religious, and with the religious trad catholic men for example, it's almost as if "YES women need to stay a virgin/celibate", but when a lady does it for her own peace of mind, clarity, health and quality of life and chooses to never get married, they go up in arms "BUT NOT LIKE THAT!". How dare she benefit from celibacy not to give her body in the end to a man! She's selfish and just living for herself rather than pleasing her husband!

The religious men expect women avoiding marriage to be sleeping around all the time and trash us as whores, like that's how we see freedom? It's a projection because that is exactly what men do. They can't fathom that women want to remain celibate for HERSELF only and her peace. It really causes cognitive dissonance to them. I find it lowkey amusing. Glad I deconstructed from religion.

A little bit of a rant, but something I noticed.

I won't get it into personal details. Suffice to say that my line of work has enabled me to see the REALITY of men and relationships. I have sworn men off for the rest of my life. This is a hill I will die on. I try to warn other women about the realities of men and they won't listen. They call me bitter, jaded, cynical... The worst are married women. They love to believe they are married to an exceptional man who will never even watch korn, let alone cheat on them. Even in the face of evidence, they will deny because they love fairy tales. It's exhausting.

The amount of married men who hit on me is shocking.

I will give you a couple of examples. My cousin was happily married to a man, and they had a family female friend. The husband always criticized this female friend and said he couldn't stand her. You know what happened? He was having an affair with the woman he so vehemently criticized and he impregnated her, all the while my cousin was convinced her husband was faithful. I tried to make her reason because I had seen things she had missed and she got angry at me.

I have so many examples.

A former friend who is also happily married got several STDs and she could not fathom how that was possible and now she'd rather believe she caught them at the gym locker room than face reality.

Another former close friend had a live-in nanny who was 22. They are a rich family. The husband expressed contempt about this nanny. I told her to be careful. Turns out I was right. He was having an affair with her. She is in denial.

i thought that's really funny and accurate. i can only imagine.

most tarot questions are women asking about men, and most answers are probably that these men are either players, selfish, cheaters, wanna use you, have sketchy intentions, there's third party, they are avoidant, they are non comittal. i don't blame the reader(idk their gender) for being irritated at this point LOL imagine doing your 1000 reading ab some man, and he's just the same shit like any other man you read on. I'm cracking up. doesn't it show how being into men, makes women mentally spiral into obsession? while these men r just chilling getting all the benefits, youre killing yourself mentally until you go psychotic.

Honestly, more of a funny post. I love when my mom and dad come back home from church and my mom will be talking about this one guy they saw/met at church that they THINK is single. I love how they don't even ask him and they just assume. My mom will just go on and on about how attractive he was and how I should go next time. Typically, if they got his full name, I can just find him on social media and see that he is either partnered up and/or a red flag walking lol. I just remain quiet, like a toddler is talking to me, and respond with "wow" "yeah" "so cool". I think my mom gets annoyed at times because I'm not interested and then sometimes I prove her wrong by showing her his socials. Like yeah this guy who you thought was so cool likes sagging his pants as a fashion statement 💀

I have been a single woman by choice for more than three years now, after three toxic relationships, the final one the very worst with constant physical, mental, financial, verbal and emotional abuse. It took me so long to plan and get out of it safely.
I have been slowly healing and just focusing on my health and well-being. It is a very slow and gradual process with so many bumps along the way but it is heaps better than being with a man.
I'm delighted that I found this group on reddit as it's wonderful to connect with fellow single women by choice.
Beautiful women can you please share stories of how some of you overcame abusive relationships and most importantly how you are coping with the healing and if there are any steps I can take to heal better?
My other question is, even though I'm extremely independent, live by myself and manage everything by myself, there are times when I am at my most vulnerable especially when I am physically sick, I feel it would've been better to have someone who could look after me at my worst. Has anyone felt the same? How do you deal with this? How do you take care of yourself when you're really sick? I do have a few friends but most of them are in relationships or married with kids and kind of busy in their own lives.