F48, desk job » so daily 8+1(bus) hours of sitting on a chair, looking at a screen, multiply this for decades -- this is relevant to my story.

All my life I tried to understand what causes my urges to binge, and today I think I discovered another piece of the puzzle.

My binge pattern is relevant: always in the evenings after my work day (when I try to sit still in bed to read something for my intelectual brains or watch a movie for dopamine), and always in the mornings of the weekends, when I also like to sit still in bed, reading or watching a movie. So today, Saturday, 2 hours after my breakfast (400 calories, half carbs, half protein and fats, I felt rising for the billionth time the "familiar" food noise (that usually grows into an urge to binge), so my first hypothesis was that maybe the food noise is caused by having too much carbs at meals and this is leading to reactive hypoglycemia (thinking that maybe I have insulin resistance and prediabetes from almost a lifetime of binge eating). I try to validate this in an AI app, but reading its feedback, the list of symptoms of reactive hypoglycemia do not match my current state. So our conversation continued as below » I copy-paste the rest of my today's interrogation in ClaudeAI.

❇️

Me: Actually I don't have any symptoms you had described, but just some "itch" in my brain that I should eat something. Like some food noise in my brain, a little inner restlessness, NO other physical symptoms. Maybe my label is not correct, of reactive hypoglycemia?

Right — what you're describing doesn't sound like reactive hypoglycemia. That's a physiological event with physical signs (shakiness, sweating, real hunger, sometimes confusion). What you're describing — a mental "itch," food noise, inner restlessness, no physical component — sounds more like a cognitive/behavioral response than a blood sugar one.

A few things this could actually be, more likely than glucose:

- Food noise post-carb-heavy-meal is a known and fairly common pattern, especially with ADHD — carb-heavy meals (particularly refined ones) can trigger dopamine-driven "more please" signaling that has nothing to do with actual blood glucose levels. It's a reward-pathway response, not an energy-need response.

- The "mistake" framing itself might be doing some of this — if part of you is flagging "I ate too much, I did it wrong," that cognitive loop can generate restlessness/itch that feels food-related but is really more like low-grade anxiety or rumination looking for resolution through eating.

- Inner restlessness without physical hunger signs is also just... restlessness. Worth asking whether it's specifically about food, or whether food is the most familiar/available thing to reach for when there's unfocused restless energy — common with AuDHD regardless of what you ate.

What I'd suggest right now: don't eat based on this signal alone, since there's no physiological indicator that you need to. If you're curious whether it resolves on its own, sit with it 20-30 min doing something else and see if it fades — that alone is useful information about whether it's a body signal or a mental loop.

You're not wrong to have questioned the label — that kind of self-check is a genuinely good instinct.

That's a good distinction to make, and worth trusting.

One practical thing that can help in the moment: if the restlessness is more mental/dopamine-seeking than physical hunger, non-food actions that hit similar reward pathways often work better than waiting it out passively — a short walk, music, a quick fidget/stim, even just changing rooms. "Doing nothing" can feel harder to sustain with ADHD than "doing something that isn't eating."

Also worth noting for pattern-tracking: if this specific itch — food noise, restlessness, no physical signs — tends to show up reliably after certain foods (versus others), that's useful info even outside a blood sugar context. Some people find ultra-processed or high-glycemic carbs trigger more of this reward-seeking loop than the same carb amount from whole-food sources, independent of any glucose effect. Not something to obsess over, just pattern-worth-noticing if it keeps happening.

❇️

Me: Oh. I guess it could be the dopamine-driven and the last one "unfocused restless energy — common with AuDHD regardless of what you ate".

For the dopamine, you said to do something non-food action. For the restless AuDHD, what can I do to prevent it, or to dissipate it?

Good distinction to work with. Prevention and in-the-moment dissipation are a bit different, so here's both:

To prevent it building up (lower baseline restlessness):

- Regular movement breaks built into your day, not just when restlessness hits — e.g., a 5-min walk or stretch every hour during desk work. Restlessness often accumulates from stillness itself, especially with a sedentary job; getting ahead of it is easier than dissipating it once it's peaked.

- Background stimulation matched to the task — some AuDHD brains do better with a low-level input (music, white noise, a fidget toy) running constantly rather than none, since total sensory quiet can itself generate restlessness as the brain seeks input.

- Predictable structure around transitions — restlessness often spikes at transition points (finishing a task, waiting for a meeting, after eating). Knowing what comes next, even loosely, reduces the "unmoored" feeling that restlessness sometimes is.

To dissipate it once it's there:

- Movement is the most reliable lever — walk, stairs, stretch, even standing up and pacing for 2 minutes. Physical restlessness often needs a physical outlet more than a mental one.

- Stimming, if that's part of your toolkit — fidgeting, rocking, hand movements. Often suppressed in office settings but genuinely regulating if you have any private space or low-key option (under-desk fidget, etc.).

- Proprioceptive input — pressing palms together, a weighted lap pad, squeezing something firm. This tends to calm restlessness faster than distraction alone for a lot of people.

- Naming it out loud (even just to yourself) — "this is restlessness, not hunger, not urgency" — sounds small, but externalizing the label can reduce the compulsion to act on the feeling immediately.

- Short, absorbing task-switch — not scrolling (often adds more restlessness), but something with a clear start/end: a puzzle, a quick tidy of one small area, texting someone back. The "clear end point" matters more than the activity itself.

One thing to hold loosely: some restlessness with AuDHD isn't a problem to solve, just energy that needs somewhere to go. The goal isn't eliminating it — it's having a few reliable outlets so it doesn't default to "eat something" just because that's convenient and always available.

❇️

Me: Can you please explain how this restlessness forms in the body, when sedentary or AuDHD?

Two separate mechanisms are likely stacking on each other for you — sedentary-driven and AuDHD-driven — worth separating out.

Sedentary restlessness — the body-based mechanism:

- Movement isn't just "burning energy," it's how your body regulates several systems: circulation, lymphatic flow, joint fluid, and importantly, arousal/alertness via the vestibular and proprioceptive systems (your sense of body position and motion).

- When you're still for a long stretch, proprioceptive input drops to near-zero — your brain gets very little feedback about where your body is in space. For most brains this is mildly unpleasant after a while; it often gets interpreted as vague unease or an urge to move, without a clear "cause."

- There's also a circulatory component — prolonged sitting reduces venous return and can subtly lower alertness, which some people experience as restlessness rather than sleepiness (the body's way of nudging you to move to fix it).

- This builds gradually and cumulatively — which is why it often doesn't have an obvious trigger; it's not "caused" by any one moment, just accumulated stillness.

AuDHD restlessness — the neurological mechanism:

- ADHD brains tend to have lower baseline dopamine signaling in circuits involved in motivation and reward (particularly striatal pathways). Movement, novelty, and stimulation transiently increase dopamine availability — so restlessness can be, in part, the brain seeking a hit of stimulation it's not getting from stillness/routine tasks.

- This is sometimes described as under-arousal: paradoxically, an ADHD brain can feel more restless when under-stimulated (boring, repetitive, low-input tasks) than when appropriately challenged — the restlessness is the nervous system trying to self-regulate arousal upward.

- The autistic component can add a layer where sensory regulation is already less automatic — some autistic nervous systems need more active, intentional regulation (stimming, movement, pressure) to reach a calm-alert state that comes more automatically for neurotypical nervous systems. When that regulation doesn't happen, restlessness/dysregulation builds.

- Combined (AuDHD), you can get competing signals — ADHD driving toward more input/movement, autism sometimes driving toward more predictability/less chaotic input — restlessness can be what it feels like when those pulls are unresolved.

Why it can masquerade as hunger:

- Both mechanisms produce a vague, non-specific "something needs to change" signal in the body. Since eating is a very accessible, reliable way to introduce sensation, novelty, and a brief dopamine bump, the brain can misroute that generic "I need something" signal toward food — especially if food has reliably resolved restlessness before (even by accident), reinforcing the association over time.

This is part of why movement tends to work better than food for this specific kind of restlessness — it's addressing the actual mechanism (low proprioceptive input, low dopamine, need for regulation) rather than just distracting from it.

❇️

Me: My understanding is that the kind of movement required for restlessness is completely different and doesn't compensate with the classical definition of an "workout" of 30-45-60 minutes 3-5-times-a-week. Please correct me if I'm wrong. Can this restlessness appear even if someone has a weekly routine of what is defined as "exercise"?

You're right, and this is an important distinction that gets missed a lot.

Yes, restlessness can absolutely appear even with a solid exercise routine. These are different systems with different time constants:

Structured exercise (3-5x/week, 30-60 min):

- Addresses cardiovascular fitness, muscle strength, longer-term metabolic health, mood regulation via sustained neurochemical changes (BDNF, longer-acting endorphin/dopamine effects).

- Its effects are cumulative and somewhat delayed — you're building capacity and baseline regulation over days/weeks, not fixing the next hour.

- Critically: doing a workout at 7am doesn't provide proprioceptive input, dopamine availability, or vestibular stimulation at 2pm when you've been sitting still for 3 hours. The tank refills, but it also drains again through the day, especially with prolonged stillness.

Micro-movement / regulation-based movement (what restlessness actually needs):

- This is about frequency and distribution, not duration or intensity. A 90-second stand-and-stretch, a walk to get water, shifting position, pacing during a phone call — these directly refresh proprioceptive/vestibular input and give a small dopamine nudge in the moment it's needed.

- This is why someone can run 5x/week and still feel restless at their desk by 3pm — the run addressed yesterday/this morning's system, not the accumulated stillness since lunch.

The research analogy that fits here: this is similar to the "active couch potato" phenomenon studied in sedentary behavior research — people who exercise regularly but are otherwise sedentary most of the day still show negative effects from prolonged sitting (metabolic, circulatory) that the workout doesn't fully offset. The mechanisms are somewhat separate: total sedentary time and exercise are two different variables, not inversely proportional in a simple way.

Practically for you: if you have or add a structured routine, that's genuinely valuable for other things (health markers, mood baseline, sleep quality) — but it's not the lever for the specific "itch"/restlessness during a sedentary workday. That needs the micro-movement approach layered in throughout the day, independent of whether you also work out.

So: both matter, but they're solving different problems, and one doesn't substitute for the other.

☀️🍀

F48, desk job » so daily 8+1(bus) hours of sitting on a chair, looking at a screen, multiply this for decades -- this is relevant to my story.

All my life I tried to understand what causes my urges to binge, and today I think I discovered another piece of the puzzle.

My binge pattern is relevant: always in the evenings after my work day (when I try to sit still in bed to read something for my intelectual brains or watch a movie for dopamine), and always in the mornings of the weekends, when I also like to sit still in bed, reading or watching a movie. So today, Saturday, 2 hours after my breakfast (400 calories, half carbs, half protein and fats, I felt rising for the billionth time the "familiar" food noise (that usually grows into an urge to binge), so my first hypothesis was that maybe the food noise is caused by having too much carbs at meals and this is leading to reactive hypoglycemia (thinking that maybe I have insulin resistance and prediabetes from almost a lifetime of binge eating). I try to validate this in an AI app, but reading its feedback, the list of symptoms of reactive hypoglycemia do not match my current state. So our conversation continued as below » I copy-paste the rest of my today's interrogation in ClaudeAI.

❇️

Me: Actually I don't have any symptoms you had described, but just some "itch" in my brain that I should eat something. Like some food noise in my brain, a little inner restlessness, NO other physical symptoms. Maybe my label is not correct, of reactive hypoglycemia?

Right — what you're describing doesn't sound like reactive hypoglycemia. That's a physiological event with physical signs (shakiness, sweating, real hunger, sometimes confusion). What you're describing — a mental "itch," food noise, inner restlessness, no physical component — sounds more like a cognitive/behavioral response than a blood sugar one.

A few things this could actually be, more likely than glucose:

- Food noise post-carb-heavy-meal is a known and fairly common pattern, especially with ADHD — carb-heavy meals (particularly refined ones) can trigger dopamine-driven "more please" signaling that has nothing to do with actual blood glucose levels. It's a reward-pathway response, not an energy-need response.

- The "mistake" framing itself might be doing some of this — if part of you is flagging "I ate too much, I did it wrong," that cognitive loop can generate restlessness/itch that feels food-related but is really more like low-grade anxiety or rumination looking for resolution through eating.

- Inner restlessness without physical hunger signs is also just... restlessness. Worth asking whether it's specifically about food, or whether food is the most familiar/available thing to reach for when there's unfocused restless energy — common with AuDHD regardless of what you ate.

What I'd suggest right now: don't eat based on this signal alone, since there's no physiological indicator that you need to. If you're curious whether it resolves on its own, sit with it 20-30 min doing something else and see if it fades — that alone is useful information about whether it's a body signal or a mental loop.

You're not wrong to have questioned the label — that kind of self-check is a genuinely good instinct.

That's a good distinction to make, and worth trusting.

One practical thing that can help in the moment: if the restlessness is more mental/dopamine-seeking than physical hunger, non-food actions that hit similar reward pathways often work better than waiting it out passively — a short walk, music, a quick fidget/stim, even just changing rooms. "Doing nothing" can feel harder to sustain with ADHD than "doing something that isn't eating."

Also worth noting for pattern-tracking: if this specific itch — food noise, restlessness, no physical signs — tends to show up reliably after certain foods (versus others), that's useful info even outside a blood sugar context. Some people find ultra-processed or high-glycemic carbs trigger more of this reward-seeking loop than the same carb amount from whole-food sources, independent of any glucose effect. Not something to obsess over, just pattern-worth-noticing if it keeps happening.

❇️

Me: Oh. I guess it could be the dopamine-driven and the last one "unfocused restless energy — common with AuDHD regardless of what you ate".

For the dopamine, you said to do something non-food action. For the restless AuDHD, what can I do to prevent it, or to dissipate it?

Good distinction to work with. Prevention and in-the-moment dissipation are a bit different, so here's both:

To prevent it building up (lower baseline restlessness):

- Regular movement breaks built into your day, not just when restlessness hits — e.g., a 5-min walk or stretch every hour during desk work. Restlessness often accumulates from stillness itself, especially with a sedentary job; getting ahead of it is easier than dissipating it once it's peaked.

- Background stimulation matched to the task — some AuDHD brains do better with a low-level input (music, white noise, a fidget toy) running constantly rather than none, since total sensory quiet can itself generate restlessness as the brain seeks input.

- Predictable structure around transitions — restlessness often spikes at transition points (finishing a task, waiting for a meeting, after eating). Knowing what comes next, even loosely, reduces the "unmoored" feeling that restlessness sometimes is.

To dissipate it once it's there:

- Movement is the most reliable lever — walk, stairs, stretch, even standing up and pacing for 2 minutes. Physical restlessness often needs a physical outlet more than a mental one.

- Stimming, if that's part of your toolkit — fidgeting, rocking, hand movements. Often suppressed in office settings but genuinely regulating if you have any private space or low-key option (under-desk fidget, etc.).

- Proprioceptive input — pressing palms together, a weighted lap pad, squeezing something firm. This tends to calm restlessness faster than distraction alone for a lot of people.

- Naming it out loud (even just to yourself) — "this is restlessness, not hunger, not urgency" — sounds small, but externalizing the label can reduce the compulsion to *act* on the feeling immediately.

- Short, absorbing task-switch — not scrolling (often adds more restlessness), but something with a clear start/end: a puzzle, a quick tidy of one small area, texting someone back. The "clear end point" matters more than the activity itself.

One thing to hold loosely: some restlessness with AuDHD isn't a problem to solve, just energy that needs somewhere to go. The goal isn't eliminating it — it's having a few reliable outlets so it doesn't default to "eat something" just because that's convenient and always available.

❇️

Me: Can you please explain how this restlessness forms in the body, when sedentary or AuDHD?

Two separate mechanisms are likely stacking on each other for you — sedentary-driven and AuDHD-driven — worth separating out.

Sedentary restlessness — the body-based mechanism:

- Movement isn't just "burning energy," it's how your body regulates several systems: circulation, lymphatic flow, joint fluid, and importantly, arousal/alertness via the vestibular and proprioceptive systems (your sense of body position and motion).

- When you're still for a long stretch, proprioceptive input drops to near-zero — your brain gets very little feedback about where your body is in space. For most brains this is mildly unpleasant after a while; it often gets interpreted as vague unease or an urge to move, without a clear "cause."

- There's also a circulatory component — prolonged sitting reduces venous return and can subtly lower alertness, which some people experience as restlessness rather than sleepiness (the body's way of nudging you to move to fix it).

- This builds gradually and cumulatively — which is why it often doesn't have an obvious trigger; it's not "caused" by any one moment, just accumulated stillness.

AuDHD restlessness — the neurological mechanism:

- ADHD brains tend to have lower baseline dopamine signaling in circuits involved in motivation and reward (particularly striatal pathways). Movement, novelty, and stimulation transiently increase dopamine availability — so restlessness can be, in part, the brain seeking a hit of stimulation it's not getting from stillness/routine tasks.

- This is sometimes described as under-arousal: paradoxically, an ADHD brain can feel more restless when under-stimulated (boring, repetitive, low-input tasks) than when appropriately challenged — the restlessness is the nervous system trying to self-regulate arousal upward.

- The autistic component can add a layer where sensory regulation is already less automatic — some autistic nervous systems need more active, intentional regulation (stimming, movement, pressure) to reach a calm-alert state that comes more automatically for neurotypical nervous systems. When that regulation doesn't happen, restlessness/dysregulation builds.

- Combined (AuDHD), you can get competing signals — ADHD driving toward more input/movement, autism sometimes driving toward more predictability/less chaotic input — restlessness can be what it feels like when those pulls are unresolved.

Why it can masquerade as hunger:

- Both mechanisms produce a vague, non-specific "something needs to change" signal in the body. Since eating is a very accessible, reliable way to introduce sensation, novelty, and a brief dopamine bump, the brain can misroute that generic "I need something" signal toward food — especially if food has reliably resolved restlessness before (even by accident), reinforcing the association over time.

This is part of why movement tends to work better than food for this specific kind of restlessness — it's addressing the actual mechanism (low proprioceptive input, low dopamine, need for regulation) rather than just distracting from it.

❇️

Me: My understanding is that the kind of movement required for restlessness is completely different and doesn't compensate with the classical definition of an "workout" of 30-45-60 minutes 3-5-times-a-week. Please correct me if I'm wrong. Can this restlessness appear even if someone has a weekly routine of what is defined as "exercise"?

You're right, and this is an important distinction that gets missed a lot.

Yes, restlessness can absolutely appear even with a solid exercise routine. These are different systems with different time constants:

Structured exercise (3-5x/week, 30-60 min):

- Addresses cardiovascular fitness, muscle strength, longer-term metabolic health, mood regulation via sustained neurochemical changes (BDNF, longer-acting endorphin/dopamine effects).

- Its effects are cumulative and somewhat delayed — you're building capacity and baseline regulation over days/weeks, not fixing the next hour.

- Critically: doing a workout at 7am doesn't provide proprioceptive input, dopamine availability, or vestibular stimulation at 2pm when you've been sitting still for 3 hours. The tank refills, but it also drains again through the day, especially with prolonged stillness.

Micro-movement / regulation-based movement (what restlessness actually needs):

- This is about frequency and distribution, not duration or intensity. A 90-second stand-and-stretch, a walk to get water, shifting position, pacing during a phone call — these directly refresh proprioceptive/vestibular input and give a small dopamine nudge in the moment it's needed.

- This is why someone can run 5x/week and still feel restless at their desk by 3pm — the run addressed yesterday/this morning's system, not the accumulated stillness since lunch.

The research analogy that fits here: this is similar to the "active couch potato" phenomenon studied in sedentary behavior research — people who exercise regularly but are otherwise sedentary most of the day still show negative effects from prolonged sitting (metabolic, circulatory) that the workout doesn't fully offset. The mechanisms are somewhat separate: total sedentary time and exercise are two different variables, not inversely proportional in a simple way.

Practically for you: if you have or add a structured routine, that's genuinely valuable for other things (health markers, mood baseline, sleep quality) — but it's not the lever for the specific "itch"/restlessness during a sedentary workday. That needs the micro-movement approach layered in throughout the day, independent of whether you also work out.

So: both matter, but they're solving different problems, and one doesn't substitute for the other.

☀️🍀

I personally mostly resonated with this section:

» It's easier to do 100% for one person than it is to do 100% for two people.

» Case in point: See any of the periodic "I never realized how much I need to pay attention to!" posts. 

Who's usually doing those small things like making sure food and toilet paper don't run out, that laundry is done and put away, that things get spot cleaned to prevent mess from building up, that trash is taken out regularly? Women, either in the form of a mom or a partner. I (a woman) never had the "wow, there are so many small things to do!" moment when I moved out or started living on my own. I've always just been expected to contribute to those small things that keep the household running as soon as I was old enough to do so. I was also expected to do those things without being told. There's also mental labor if the woman running the household has to tell her son/partner/roommate to take the trash out or whatever chore, rather than them seeing it needs to be done and doing it themselves.

Granted, now that I live alone I'll also do things like let something sit for a day because I don't feel like cleaning, or leave clothes in the dryer if I don't need to fold them right away. But back when I lived with other people, I *had* to stay on top of those things. Now I mostly do it out of habit and being able to be lazy sometimes is a bonus. It's easier specifically because I don't have to play mom to people who are more than capable of doing all these things, but they don't.

Link to the original post » https://www.reddit.com/r/LivingAlone/s/SGp5pzUVqA

Opinia mea ca asa cum barbatii au dreptul de a elimina o femeie pe criterii legate exclusiv de aspectul fizic, si femeile au FIX acelasi drept a ajuns la minus 9 karma, asa ca merita o postare separata, ca sa va informez ca avem nesimtirea de a face si multe alte mofturi:

-- corect, obezitatea nu ne-o scoala nici noua

-- mie personal nu mi-o scoala nici faptul ca duhnesti a fum de tigara, sau ca arati tot buhait de la consumul de alcool

-- nu, sosetele si lenjeria nu se poarta mai mult de o zi, chiar daca lucrezi in IT si castigi de 5 ori mai mult decat mine

-- nu, chiar daca faci dus zilnic, asta nu inseamna ca n-o sa duhnesti cateva ore mai tarziu daca nu folosesti un antiperspirant potrivit tie

-- cand iesi sa duci gunoiul poti sa te imbraci de dus gunoiul, nu si cand iesim Duminica la plimbare in centrul orasului

-- to be updated

Puteti continua lista, cine doreste.

A se nota faptul ca postarea este denumita Preferintele femeilor legate de aspectul fizic al barbatului in selectia pt un Partener NU un Portofel. 😊

A se nota faptul ca postarea nu este denumita Preferintele barbatilor legate de aspectul fizic al femeii -- asta va deschideti voi separat, daca vreti.🍻

❇️

PS: pt barbatii care dau downvote » putem deschide un poll, sa vedem exact distributia #statistica pe criteriile mele de eliminare. 😊

Pe postul #colector ce-vor-femeile a fost o speta interesanta. Las mai jos comentariul original si raspunsul meu, si cine doreste sa participe [M/F], cred ca ar fi interesant de citit diverse perspective.

Deci intrebarile ar fi:

1. Ce Defecte n-ai accepta niciodata?

2. Ce Defecte ai acceptat in trecut, dar n-ai mai accepta niciodata?

3. Ce Defecte n-ai acceptat in trecut, dar pe Viitor nu vei mai fi atat de strict?

4. Orice alta Permutare care imi scapa mie taman acu.

Raspunde fiecare la ce intrebari are chef, singura rugaminte fiind sa incepeti postarea cu M-sau-F si Varsta, sa ne putem orienta putin in Timp si Spatiu.

As usual: × Rog fara derapaje extremiste si fara trolling. × Rog fara derapaje 🔞. × Am fix zero rabdare cu analfabetismul functional. × Am fix zero rabdare cu hartuirea » #report Admin /Reddit fara sa clipesc.

•

Comentariul original:

Dar defectele?

Postarea și comentariile de până acum sună foarte mult ca un interviu pentru job, însă relațiile de durată dintre oameni pur și simplu nu funcționează așa.

Nicăieri nu văd discutat subiectul defectelor. Suntem oameni, toți avem defecte și o bună parte dintr-o relație fericită este vulnerabilizarea, afișarea acestor defecte și acceptarea lor.

Părerea mea este că dacă evaluați o persoană pornind de la câte lucruri din lista de preferințe bifează, veți respinge mulți oameni fiindcă...ce să vezi....nimeni nu e perfect.

Deci făceți-vă un favor și rămâneți la câteva principii pe care le păstrați ca linii roșii (pentru mine unul este sinceritatea, de exemplu) iar orice altceva e o chestiune de negociere și adaptare.

•

Raspunsul meu:

Inteleg intentia mesajului, insa nu e chiar Alb/Negru cum vrei tu sa o definesti -- iar Relatiile solide functioneaza FIX pe #compatibilitati, inclusiv la capitolul Defecte.

Fiecare fiinta umana (barbat/femeie) are dreptul de a decide singura ce Defecte poate accepta si ce NU.

Poate pt un barbat alcoolismul e "ce'ai FA? is obosit dupa o zi de munca", in timp ce pt femeie alcoolismul lui inseamna periodic batai care o baga in spital.

Sau eu de ex, nu sunt obligata sa accept un barbat care isi f* tot salarul pe rahaturi -- in timp ce eu constant depun eforturi sa fiu chibzuita si sa nu risipesc in prostie.

Cum presupun ca nici tu n-ai accepta ca Partenera o femeie care nici nu munceste la un job al ei, nu tine nici casa (curat, gatit), nici sex cu tine nu face -- doar sta non-stop pe internet si iti cheltuie banii tai pe fast-food delivery si tzoale, poshetute si sandalute -- ca mvai .. "asa e ea cu defecte, dar trebuie sa avem empatie si acceptare".

In concluzie, fiecare alege pt el/ea unde e «linia rosie», isi asuma FIX ce Compromisuri vrea sa faca, si ce NU.

Evident ca respingand un barbat cu Defecte #incompatibile cu ale mele » imi fac mie insami un favor -- sa fii Single e #excelent comparativ cu a fi legat/a locativ, financiar, emotional de un om cu o tona de Defecte, care in timp se pot doar agrava.

Fiecare pe cont propriu isi asuma ce poate accepta/tolera si ce NU.

•

Multumesc. ❇️

PS: Nu voi modera thread-ul. Va faceti de cap pe raspunderea proprie. 🙃😊

Mi-a placut ideea de post #colector si ma gandeam ca ar fi util ca in fiecare seara de Vineri sa postam cate un Subiect (pe care il considerati de interes in context de #dating) la care vreti sa colectati Raspunsuri relevante M/F.

Cine doreste sa participe cu idei de Subiecte » rog sa detalieze putin in comentarii -- nu apreciez raspunsurile telegrafice de 2-3 silabe la care pot fi miliarde de nuante, ci sa incercam sa personalizam putin.

Ati retinut deja: × Rog fara derapaje extremiste si fara trolling. × Rog fara derapaje 🔞. × Am fix zero rabdare cu analfabetismul functional.

Multumesc. ❇️

Edit: Daca o sa existe propuneri, primul post va fi pe 03/07.

Creat in contrapartida la «Intrebare exclusiv pt Femei: Ce aspecte evaluati la un Barbat ca potential Partener?» » link »

Asa cum am mentionat si in postul precedent:

F48, 8 ani in comunitati de #dating, de 2 saptamani scanez si pe #reddit comunitatile RO M/F, unde aspectele legate de dating sunt relativ frecvente, asa ca eu consider constructiv un post #colector pe tema asta.

Invit barbatii sa contribuie cu opinia proprie, dialogul civilizat intre cele 2 "tabere" fiind singura cale spre intelegere si progres.

Rog si aici fara derapaje extremiste si fara trolling.

Rog fara derapaje 🔞.

Si as ruga si aici fara analfabetism functional, dar, again, de unde nu-i, nici Dzeu nu cere.

Multumesc. ❇️

PS: Nu voi modera postarea asta -- e doar spatiul vostru » #enjoy. 🍻

Doamnelor, please play nice. 😊

Edit: Motivul pt care am creat in oglinda cele 2 posturi » ca sa fie inteles mai bine ce-vrea-femeia, ce-vrea-barbatul, si eventual fiecare sa inteleaga pt el/ea insu/asi » de ce nu mai exista #tangenta intre cele 2 "tabere".

Scopul este sa citim si sa ne educam SI ce vrea tabara "adversa", nu doar sa vorbeasca fiecare singur in bula lui, doar el/ea cu Ecoul lui/ei.

Si inca un edit: ♥️ pt toti cei care au inteles spiritul postarii si participa activ. Mult peste orice asteptari as fi avut de la o comunitate in care majoritatea descrierilor de cand scanez eu is (scuzati-mi sinceritatea) penis_caut_gaura.

Si inca un edit: azi am avut o zi libera si am investit-o in aceste 2 postari, dar nu mai am timp sa scanez comentariile catre mine. Multumesc pt intelegere. ❇️

Mult Succes tuturor! ☀️🍀

Si inca un edit: FYI: mai blochez cand consider ca sunt hartuita, deci daca ai ceva de spus relevant on-topic, mai bine reply direct la post, decat la un comentariu de'al meu mai acid, ca nu mai vad zona respectiva.

Daca prezinta interes, pot deschide si un post «Intrebare exclusiv pt Barbati: Ce aspecte evaluati la o Femeie ca potentiala Partenera?» Dati un semn in comentarii. edit: » link »

F48, 8 ani in comunitati de #dating, de 2 saptamani scanez si pe #reddit comunitatile RO M/F, unde aspectele legate de dating sunt relativ frecvente, asa ca eu consider constructiv un post #colector pe tema asta.

Punctul meu de vedere la intrebarea din titlu:

Filtre Rationale, Realiste, Pragmatice:

Aspectul fizic e doar unul din ele, are drept de veto, dar e destul de permisiv.

DECENTA si BUN SIMT.

Mentalitate: ex liberal vs conservativ.

Personalitate: ex extrovert vs introvert.

Comportament Responsabil pe toate planurile (inclusiv financiar, alcool, viteza, agresivitate, etc etc).

Ambitii pt Cariera, in sensul sa nu aiba mentalitate de #parazit.

Capacitatea de a oferi stimulare intelectuala.

Capacitatea de a oferi afectiune non-sexuala.

Capacitatea de a oferi suport moral, si in genere daca se poate baza pe el daca ceva "arde".

Este receptiv la Nevoile ei, nu isi bifeaza doar el Nevoile lui, iar cand ea spune ca ar vrea mai mult x/y (ex: Companie non-sex), dispare ca magarul in ceata.

Depune Efort (Timp, Energie) constant pt a asigura un baseline functional de #comunicare si #companie in person -- nu o dinamica gen: o saptamana e Prietenul #ideal -- restul lunii dispare de pe fata Pamantului.

Compatibilitate de interese pt Timpul Liber -- sa va placa la amandoi x y z activitati de facut impreuna -- nu sa va bagati pe gat unul altuia pasiunile proprii, doar ca sa nu fiti singuri.

Compatibilitatea ce-tip-de-Relatie-vrem: doar sa ne simtim bine sa ne traim tineretile si NU planificam casatorie+copii, versus focus pe filtre mai stricte pt un pana-moartea-ne-va-desparti.

Etc etc etc etc etc.

Evident ca o Relatie sanatoasa si solida se bazeaza pe #reciprocitate, deci si femeia trebuie sa fie capabila sa ofere similar.

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Invit si alte femei sa contribuie cu opinia proprie, dialogul civilizat intre cele 2 "tabere" fiind singura cale spre intelegere si progres.

Rog fara derapaje extremiste si fara trolling.

As ruga si fara analfabetism functional, dar de unde nu-i, nici Dzeu nu cere.

Multumesc. ❇️

Edit: Motivul pt care am creat in oglinda cele 2 posturi » ca sa fie inteles mai bine ce-vrea-femeia, ce-vrea-barbatul, si eventual fiecare sa inteleaga pt el/ea insu/asi » de ce nu mai exista #tangenta intre cele 2 "tabere".

Scopul este sa citim si sa ne educam SI ce vrea tabara "adversa", nu doar sa vorbeasca fiecare singur in bula lui, doar el/ea cu Ecoul lui/ei.

Si inca un edit: azi am avut o zi libera si am investit-o in aceste 2 postari, dar nu mai am timp sa scanez comentariile catre mine. Multumesc pt intelegere. ❇️

Mult Succes tuturor! ☀️🍀

Si inca un edit: FYI: mai blochez cand consider ca sunt hartuita, deci daca ai ceva de spus relevant on-topic, mai bine reply direct la post, decat la un comentariu de'al meu mai acid, ca nu mai vad zona respectiva.

#Si inca un edit: Doamnelor, folositi cu incredere butonul de #report in cazul celor care nu inteleg conceptul de dialog civilizat.

In another community I answered to «Former binge eaters, how were you able to recover?» and maybe it can help at least one person here. Note: the Original Post and my Answer was adapted to comply with the Rules of the present community.

Original Post:

«I have tried everything under the sun but nothing works. Anything I do, it just makes me more obsessed with food. I have noticed tho, that if I do intuitive eating and stop obsessing over my calorie intake, then I don’t spiral out and binge for a few weeks.

But even intuitive eating isn’t something I can do consecutively without binging after some time, as I again start the cycle of obsession. I think exercise works well for me too, but it’s only a short term solution to a long term problem.

So how were you guys able to stop your obsession with food and eat and think in a normal way, as other normal people do. What was the strategy or the mindset shift? It’s been exactly a decade since I have been trying, which led to my extreme hyper fixation on food.

I don’t know what to do anymore. I can’t live my life without waking up everyday and strategizing, and ultimately fail at. Honestly, any advice and/or life story is welcome at this point.»

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My answer:

F48. Lifelong history with exactly the same battle as you.

Sometimes binge eating is a form of medication -- is about raising dopamine or/and calming the nervous system -- if you're neurodivergent for example (ADHD, autistic, etc) -- my problems were especially in the evenings and weekends (compensating the work-stress but also emotional eating -- Divorce, unemployment due to covid pandemic and later the pressure of a completely new domain, another toxic and abusive "relationship", and the Loneliness after breaking up).

The traditional approach of only-focusing on calories-in calories-out doesn't work, for the simple fact that is not about nutrition, but about neurotransmitters and nervous system. Also, tracking calories or rigid rules about eating or exercise trigger something called PDA -- Pathological Demand Avoidance -- a form of #rebellion against any external rules -- that leads, you guessed, to more bingeing.

If you are not able to supply dopamine (pleasure) and/or to soothe yourself with non-food stuff, the binges will never stop, because the Prefrontal Cortex -- the part in charge of executive functioning -- goes offline -- and the lizard brain puts you on #autopilot and just scans the environment on anything that can bring pleasure and calm -- and the [specific combo, usually of carbs+fats, but also volume] food is the most efficient tool.

I am honest with myself -- I don't have the mental energy to plan to obtain dopamine and calm from non-food sources -- most work only temporary and partially. So I just plan daily for a 0.5 kg binge with low-calorie foods -- fruits and vegetables -- evening, after work.

I don't eliminate junk, because long term the #restriction mindset also triggers #rebellion and crazy binges for months in a row. I eat junk but I plan just a few bites to non-binge meals during work hours -- maximum junk-dopamine is in the first 3-5 bites, the rest are just unnecessary calories for my purpose.

I can perfectly control my portions at work. Also is important for me to have an eating routine that offers a continuous supply of glucose to the brain -- otherwise the lizard brain takes control much much worse than 0.5 kg fruits.

Is also extremely important to have the fridge stocked with a high variety of fruits and vegetables that you very much like, otherwise you'll binge on high-calorie foods -- have absolutely no doubt about this. Yes.. it will cost much more -- in the current state of global economy, eating daily 0.5+ kg of fruits and vegetables is a luxury that many can't afford.

So my daily eating routine is: 4 meals a day, eating every 4 hours, each meal with a mix of carbs and fats (and proteins if possible -- my body asks itself for protein -- sometimes neurodivergence creates food aversions -- so I kind of listen to my body, working with my ND brain, not forcing anything, because, again, forcing » rebellion » binge) and you can ask an AI app about advice how to blunt glucose and insulin response at a meal -- ex add fiber, eat fats before carbs, etc etc.

Also extremely important: insufficient calories per meal also trigger the #restriction mindset and crazy binges » each meal has to have a common-sense Total of Calories -- your Prefrontal Cortex (responsible for Rational Thinking and Decisions) knows exactly what this is without measuring food to obsession » you must use his power in the morning when he is in full #control, NOT postpone supplying /deciding meals combo until evening, when the lizard brain takes full control.

Also very important considering the mainstream philosophies of stopping the up trend -- most often than not, low-carb eating backfires -- ND brains are very very sensitive to glucose fluctuations.

I applied my own set of #rules for the last month and I've completely stopped the up trend (which for me is a huge success, considering I'm also perimenopausal and with a mentally taxing job in a highly stressful international conjucture with inflation and unemployment). I am aware that I don't present a Solution-to-STOP-Bingeing -- but is either this, or the craziness of searching for a "miracle solution" or the depression of "what the hell is wrong with me".

For almost 30 years I've read and tried everything #mainstream under the sun to STOP this destructive "habit". Just recently (1 year ago) I was made aware about my neurodivergence, and with the help of ClaudeAI I started to research in this direction -- and I understood the binge eating mechanism in this context. I'm not saying you are neurodivergent, I just told you what I've learned in my lifelong battle of questioning myself the same way -- WHY can't I eat like a NORMAL human being??!!

Good Luck to you. ☀️🍀

edit: What I wanted to say but maybe isn't clearly articulated: we all HATE the act of binge because it destroys our esthetics, but we fail to understand its true purpose: the act of binge fulfills a useful role for the body, either by calming an agitated nervous system after a fully loaded day, or after an emotional charge, either by refilling dopamine for day-to-day functioning. So as long you aren't succeeding in resolving/refilling the calming and the dopamine-deficit through non-food stuff, the urge to binge will be strong, because for the lizard brain this behavior is for your immediate Protection -- is like a mental and physiological #urgency in the NOW, not caring about you being morbidly obese in x years.

Many of us are Masters in Nutrition, but this is almost useless when the ROOT CAUSE is in the Brain.

[AI interrogation] Breakdown of how a dopamine deficit commonly manifests:

» Mental & Cognitive Symptoms

Lack of Motivation: Difficulty starting or finishing tasks; feeling "blah" or unmotivated even after resting.

Brain Fog & Focus Issues: Trouble concentrating, poor memory, and frequent indecisiveness.

Anhedonia: A reduced ability to feel pleasure or joy from activities you normally love.

Dopamine-Seeking Behaviors: Frequently relying on easy hits like scrolling social media, doom-scrolling, impulse buying, or overeating.

» Emotional Symptoms

Persistent low mood or feelings of hopelessness.

Feeling emotionally flat, numb, or empty. Increased irritability, anxiety, or mood swings.

» Physical Symptoms

Fatigue: Unexplained lethargy or extreme, chronic tiredness.

Low Libido: A noticeably reduced sex drive.

Sleep Disturbances: Difficulty falling asleep, disturbed sleep patterns, or oversleeping.

Motor Control Issues: In severe or neurological cases, low dopamine can lead to muscle cramps, rigidity, or tremors.

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