u/ReticentBeauty

1. Folding laundry in less than 5mins
2. Being able to change clothes without having to hide in the closet or anywhere in the house
3. Being ugly in peace at home (or anywhere in the world 😀😀)

Update: thank you all for taking the time to share all these amazing responses. Am not in position to respond to you all but thanks a lot for sharing the little joys of a single life. I hope these responses uplift us when feeling low and always remind us that we are enough and whole! Wish you all a wonderful week!

I recently got caught off guard by a colleague at work. I mistook being-overly-eager-to-help for a Green flag and now my workplace feel alien.

I crossed paths with a colleague who is overly-eager-to-help (pretty much with all staff) that you will causally talk about gym and he is already calling his friend to enrol you all at discounted price, you mention travel and he is offering to pick or drop you at the airport, you mention a kids activity and he is already calling his wife to take your kids for a ballet class for free.

But one thing I had noticed prior is how he slacks with his tasks and most times get re-assigned to other people and he would always get away with it.

Now to my scenario, him and I had a chance to get trained on a procedure last year but he didn’t show (he was present work but told everyone he just didn’t feel like spending time in the lab).

When it was time for me to work on my part of the task, superiors suggested he join me so that he gets a chance at the training he missed, he didn’t show for same reason. When his time came this year, he expected me to do all of his part because “he never got trained” was his reason.

When I tried to candidly as possible to tell him I can’t take this task because my hands are full and he had chances to get trained and he didn’t show. He went off the rail to my face and lots text messages about he helped me with this and that.

And went further behind my back about all his “acts of kindness” in the past…grossly exerggerating all “he did for me” and painted a whole picture how ungrateful unhelpful rude I am.

I didnt get help from both of our superiors despite having messages he sent (Both of our supervisors joined the org same time with him and are his friends. Except they climbed the ladder to superiors and he was left behind), seems they always downplay his conduct.

The best I can do is just to look out for myself because I was caught off guard and had never thought that overly-eager-to-help is a red flag.

So am asking what other supposedly Green flag traits are actually red flags in the work place, friendships, relationships?

Edit: I did offer to train him and I did so but the issue was that he expected me to do the job and not just train him since he had offered me all the help in the past. Also to note, out of all he offered me and others, I for one only accepted one…a contact of a taxi driver that I took and used when I couldn’t access online taxi orders.

For all my working life, I have always commuted to work and now am at a point it would be more valuable for me to work from home. I live alone in a quiet place and have a decent work station at home.
But I don’t seem to do well working from home. I feel demotivated. working less, snacking a lot and mental/emotional health doesn’t seem up to per like when I commute to work in person daily.

Interestingly, it’s not necessarily the interaction at office but I share office with fellow PhD student so not much interaction..everyone comes into office, says hi hi, put on their noise cancelling head phones and work for hours on end…including my self. Except that I usually take a walk at lunch time and I love to dress up, and have somewhere to go. And that seems to give me structure to my day, control over my eating habits. I didn’t even realise how much the dressing up to leave the house mattered so much to my mental emotional health.

I have tried to maintain the lunch time walks while working from home but there no walking paths or shade where I live. I try to dress put together for working from home but it doesn’t feel as good as that when stepping out of the house. And I don’t seem to control snacking which I would usually totally avoid when in office physically (I put on so much weight when I snack or have breakfast-lunch daily so I usually stick to OMAD which is hard to stick to while home).

So am wondering what things/habits/routines etc work for those who successfully transition to working from home while still maintaining healthy habits, mental and emotional state?
Note: I comfortably stay home and indoor whole weekends without any problem. The challenge just seems with doing the same on weekdays.

Update: am really touched by all your kind comments, responses, advice, quotes and positivity! Thank you all so much for taking the time to response to my post and for generously sharing your perspective and experience on this!

I am comfortable and more often than not like the “girl” that stares back at me in the Mirror.

She finally found her style and clothes that fit her body type. she is finally at a reasonable weight after rigours effort even if she may not reach her ideal weight due to chronic illness. she can’t do without prescription glasses for her vision but she is found some fun frames that suit her face

Her hair is neat and in a style that suits her face, and a good skin…thanks to genetics for this. she is well put together over all and I find myself blowing her a kiss whenever am leaving the house…

But something fundamentally shifts when it comes to photos! The outfit suddenly doesn’t sit right like it did in the mirror, the facial expression is weird, the glowing skin isn’t what it is, the hair isn’t as great as it seemed…in group pics I end up looking least “kind to the eyes”. I have tried camera settings, filters (which make then make me feel even worse about myself), lighting, angles, phone with better camera specs and all those things “photogenic” people do…

I just want to be able to have a few photos to keep great memories, but the way I look in photos just can’t let me keep a photo of me or one that includes me. Outings with friends has become a mental gymnastics for me because they want to take a selfie to remember the meet-up/event etc but then that photo doesn’t get posted because somehow I ruined it!

Are some people just not “photogenic” at all? There are times I get random compliments from strangers and I tell myself alright let’s take a photo for keeps then boom I begin to question if the compliments were even true! So am left wondering….How I do I get to fall in love with the girl in the photos? How come I can’t be proud or Atleast comfortable with her like the way I am with her version in the mirrors?

I always have this picture in my head of a LDR/ship continents away where we can text a little-daily just to check on each other, then have maybe a video or phone call on the weekend and get to visit each other maybe 1-2 a year.

That way we can still both live our separate lives, enjoy living alone etc while also having a r/ship with great communication that doesn’t take over all our lives completely.

Have tried this before twice but the longest only lasted for over 3 months and another ended in just a months time. Both ended because the guys said LDR is too difficult for them to navigate yet these were both guys who enjoy living alone and I thought it would work.

For those living alone and also single but have a bit of interest to get into a relationship, do you think a long distance r/ship dynamics would actually work best for you?

And those of who are in Long distance relationships, how is the dynamics like? How often do you communicate and meet? Do you enjoy the experience? Does it give you the freedom and companionship that suits your living alone lifestyle?

Let’s share a little positivity today. What’s a nice thing your supervisor/reviewer/doctoral committee or even a faculty member ever said to you/about you that has really stuck with you?

I had my first doctoral committee sitting earlier this week and a member of the committee said she attended one of my teaching sessions to M.Sc. students (I was filling in for my supervisor) and a few presentations at departmental meetings and said “I think xxxx has a natural talent for teaching. She is eloquent and gives these really great presentations and excellent slides……” and the other Profs didn’t dispute her or give any contradictory body language or comments but rather nodded and or smiled.

My brain is still frozen and I haven’t been able to focus while sitting still to write for the rest of the week so I buried myself in lab work…..because this was unexpectedly a generous compliment and I haven’t had something this nice said about me all my life.

Edit: not sure I have used the right fliar though 😁

Women who have attained financial freedom/security after shouldering heavy family responsibility but somehow managed to turn their financial situation to somewhat a concrete/secure one, how is that life like? What is the one or two anecdotal things/habits/breakthroughs/attitudes/series of events/persons got you there?

Am looking for inspiration, real life experiences, advice and tips too. I worked hard right through my twenties till now (33f) and lived as frugal as possible but with parent’s illness and passing away, university tuition and upkeep for siblings etc. At 33 all I have is a beat up second-hand car (I have had for 4 years now but thankfully full paid car and does not give me mechanical issues nor consumes too much fuel) and a rainy day savings I would live on for roughly 5-6months. I rent a relatively decent apartment (though not in the most secure neighbourhood I would have loved to considering I live alone).

I have started to actively take steps to choose myself and my goals, thus being able to put up rainy day savings. However, the progress financially is really slow and with the worsening economic situation, am so worried I waited too long to choose myself. Atleast I managed to put myself through masters during this time while providing for my siblings etc and now completing my second bit of grad school. But with funding cuts affecting my field of profession and immigration woes where I wld earn better with my qualifications, am not sure if the 1st and 2nd grad school pursuits will be worth it.

Those who have been in similar situations, what practical steps did you take to get out of your head and turn things around for yourself? And how does it feel like now? Is their relief on the other side of all the hard work and grind after getting of the shackles of “family tax”?

Update: I just want to thank you all for the advice, suggestions and different perspectives on this. Most of all, the support to stand my ground and not waiver due to resulting social pressure from the false stories about what happened. My take away from your comments are: to stand on my truth regarding what happened, re-evaluate my friendship circle, not to try be a saviour to house everyone I know that’s coming to town, and to keep upholding my boundaries for my own safety and sanity! Thank you all

I live alone and I love it though I don’t mind hosting friends and family for a few days to about a week. I live in a small touristic town with a number of expats so cost of hotels and airbnbs are rocket hight that am open to having friends/family stay over when they have stuff to do my town.

Now a friend recently asked to stay over for a night since he had a client meeting early morning and couldn’t afford a hotel. So when he came over, I made dinner and I let him know in the morning he can make himself breakfast as long as he clean after himself otherwise I will be in the my small gym room and I would appreciate some privacy. Now this is a rule all my friends and everyone staying over knows.

I can’t exercise/workout while being watched. I was bullied by trainers and other gym goers in three different gyms a few years back. I lift heavy, eat clean and keep active but being diabetic (Type 1) and a lot of hormone fluctuations, it’s nearly impossible to get lean or muscular (am uk size 12- 14.) However gym trainers thought I eat badly that’s why am still “chubby” despite lifting hard. The insulting comments about my weight versus how much I train got worse that I decided to invest in a home gym. To this day I still hate being watched while working out.

So back to my friend spending the night…in the morning I wake up and head to gym room. Am lifting…dancing…and overall having a great time! knowing well this friend is either still sleeping or making himself breakfast. Only to feel am being watched so I unplug my headphones and turn, just to find this guy has opened the door I had shut and was watching me.

I felt very offended at my space utterly invaded!. I tried to tell him so! but he kept saying some sarcastic comments like

“is it a crime to watch you looking that sexy and baddass?”

“You always look soft and chubby, no one would know you are strong”

“Chill mahn, don’t be too sensitive. you are literally hoarding space that could host a family of 6” etc

I couldn’t help it but to get his bag to the door and kick him out. Now he is destroying my reputation to our mutual friends and I have no idea how to clear my “name”! Part of me just wants to say “Phaq it”and lose whoever wants to side with him!

PS: sorry about the typos, have tried to edit to correct the typos but am literally still scatter-brained processing this whole event. Because now apparently this even got to a workmate and I just been pulled aside by 2 of my workmates telling me word going round is that “I kicked out a visitor, how am selfish self centered who loves isolating myself and doesn’t care seeing a friend on streets than tolerate him for a few nights”.