u/Hairy_Plum9278

I fell into it lol. I have always judged women who stayed with trashy men and i recently noticed i have the exactly same pattern of feeling the need to care for a man (in general, im not in a relationship) and keep him from any harm, hell, fuck harm, keeping him away from any bad feelings. I care for them more than i would for kids when it comes to emotions. And even tho i'm aware of this, its still so fucking hard to stop, like how do i get this strenght and confidence and love for myself? Feels so pathetic.

Im somewhere on a journey on figuring out what i want and i just recently discovered that staying single by choice is indeed an option, lol. It still feels scary tho and im so scared of myself, of not keeping my boudaries and suffering cuz of it

As I'm slowly entering the REAL ADULT LIFE and planning my future I'm starting to realise how patriarchy in capitalist societies limits womens options.

Starting with the classic one, marriage. I dont want to fall into 'gender wars', however, I will be honest, i find it so hard to trust men, with all the stories around me of them cheating and being violent - in worst cases, to just seeing "happy marriages" where a man clearly sees himself as superior to the woman, mansplaining, acting like a manchild, expecting her to be the maid, the [man's] mother, the emotional labourer. And being much less commited, trying to win as much benefit with as little effort as possible.

I'm in an age when most of my friends are getting married and when i think about it, I can see it only as something that will downgrade my life quality, and i dont mean financially by any means, but emotionally and socially.

I struggle with it because i always did wish to get married. I dont want to live alone my whole life, I want to start a family. But now when the realization hit me it doesnt feel like this nice romantic vision i used to have and i have no idea how to figure this out.

Just a lil vent

There is this guy who talked to my father like a year ago, and then broke up before we even got engaged, and now he's back talking about marriage again while acting hot and cold and sighhhh im losing faith in men so much, tho probably now im just hurt by this ones actions. But yes, this makes me want to never marry cause i cant imagine trusting anyone ever again. And all the other anxiety around marriage, finding the right person etc...Also, just losing all this hope i put in that one person to realise he is just a childish idk what.

What really makes me worried is that my mood is so dependent on him and i so dont want that. I have hobbies and passions, and when i was in no contact with this guy i was doing great. Now he made me miserable again, or rather i did by giving him any sort of attention. Here i am, all sad and anxious, feeling like i dont want ingage with my hobbies at all.

He broke up after a year of ldr in the most cringe and awful way possible. After 3 weeks of no contact he came back.

Like before, he started talking about future, saying he will move to my city and all this shit. I said i can give him a second chance but without guarantee. I really hoped he will change, even tho i know it wasnt even enough time for him to have any reflection.

After a week of texting he asked for a phone call, i agreed. He was talking about engagement, asking if we can get back together, even when i said before that i dont want that unless he proves he changed his avoidant actions. Next day we were texting a bit and he said i'm right and that he will start thinking about us in a more sane way.

For the next four days he didnt text at all. I want to believe he is really sorting things out and will be back when hes ready, but i dont want to be attached to that thought. So i will assume he left again. it feels crazy thinking he asked to get engaged couple of days ago

A little more than a year ago i [F22] started dating this guy [M22] with ldr. It was very intense as first, he was pushy, moody, controlling and just not very mature. After some time he became slightly more chill and i eventually fell for him. He seemed very serious and commited and thats what got me. After some time it turned out he is just all talk, i wanted to believe he is trying and i kept excusing his behaviour that hurt me over and over again. One of the big problems was him neglecting me, not planning things for us, not spending time, prioritizing literally everything else in his life. We got a big fight after my bday because i said im sad he didnt do anything for that occassion. He got mad and said he feels we are not good together. However, he didnt want to break up and after couple of days he became sweet again, talking about future, marriage and all that (he was talking about it from the start). After that fight, our relationship became much better, i felt he cared about me like never before.

After a month of this almost perfect relationship with future planning, he broke up with me, saying he is tired of long distance and he doesnt see it being possible to close the gap. He said it will be better if we never talk again to move on. It hurt me a lot, he also did it one day before my really important finals, thru a text. I almost moved on but he came back after 3 weeks.

He texted me and right away asked if i will take him back if he moves to my city. It was so weird because he didnt even talk about the break up, didnt apologize or anything. I asked him what about the break up + told him all the things i wanted to, meaning the ways in which he hurt me. He read everything and acknowledged, apologized, explained a bit and in general this convo was rather satisfying to me. I told him that i dont trust him anymore and that i dont date now (only to marry but still not real dating, i mean without touching etc) and he said he will change and he hopes to become someone i wish to live with. I just said that he has a lot of work to do and idk if it will work but im leaving the door open.

My idea was that i will continue being focused on myself and ill just watch if he actually changes his ways, and if no, i just wont accept it. I wanted to see where it goes, against my friends advices to block him.

Second day after this convo he texted me and said he is lost and he is sorry for everything he did, he said he feels guilty that he let me love him when he treated me so bad anddd he said that he wants to be with me but he doesnt know how to make it happen with the distance and that he has no support and doesnt know what to do etc etc. I answered smth not much engaging because it felt manipulative a bit, tho i felt bad for him at the same time cuz i thought it might be genuinely real. We are infact in a difficult situaion with this long distance. However i fail to understand why does he care specifically about me so much. Ofc id like to think im special to him and we are both special together but it just feels so weird he wants this relationship if it costs him so much stress and all. Why didnt he just find someone in his country? At least thats how i view it even tho i was always commited and loved him deeply, if it didnt work out, i assumed i will just be single and later find someone more compatible. What do you guys think about it?

The next day, my friend called me and said that there is some guy who is interested in marrying me. And it made me feel awful because i have no idea what to do now. I dont know him and im not attracted or interested in him but ppl around me say i could always give it a shot and at least get to know him and see.

Part of me is ig still attached to my ex and im just so lost, logically i know everyone will tell me i should just ignore him because objectively he isnt a good partner, and thats what i used to think but i still have a little hope he will really change and i dont know if i went completely insane for that. On the other hand i feel just so overwhelmed because im not sure if i like any of them, i honestly was enjoying being single.

My main question is: is it really possible for my ex to change, does he actually care and just is in a difficult situation? Is it worth having any hope in that? I will honestly take any advice and pov on my situation because im just lost and emotionally tired rn

So he dumped me 3 weeks ago and now he texted asking if we can talk. He broke up thru a text saying we are not compatible and we are long distance and hes tired and doesnt want to be in a relationship etc. We were in a relationship for a year.

After he broke up i felt unimaginable pain (obv) but lowk lowk i was relieved, and as time passes (tho 3 weeks still fresh) i was more and more sure i dont want him for many reasons and that in fact we really are not that compatible. But when i was still in this relationship i was so commited and loyal. Now he texted and it feels so weird idk what to do. I dont want to talk and i dont want to ghost. I want it to end well (as in reconcilation) but at the same time no, i dont want him at all and i should let it go but now its even harder if i have the option of getting back (unless thats not the reason he texted lmao)

Just yesterday i joined this subreddit and bro texted me today asking if we can talk. Im so confused. Tbh i dont wanna answer but at the same time i curious what does he want and it feels so unbelievable hes back (cuz hes the dumper)

What do i do

Why there have to be those days when i just again cant believe he left and cant comprehend the fact he's not my bf anymore and doesnt love me anymore. How i wish i could erase every memory of him from my head. I wish it never happened

Even if i dont think about him i automatically become sad in the evenings and i feel terrified of going to sleep. I hate it.

He hurt me so much and I dont want to talk to him ever again but the fact that he broke so many big promises, the fact he said he loved me and now he just doesnt, now he will have a new girl and he will tell her same things he told me. I know very well it doesnt define my worth and that bro was just an unstable kid but, god, it still hurts so bad. I just want to move on and erase him from my head completely

He wasnt a good bf anyway. I just want to move on and focus on my life, but random thoughts of him haunt me all the time, it feels similar to grieving after someones death. I feel i just need to give it time and it will pass but ughh i want him out of my head so bad.

I wish i could erase the feeling

Why when we first started dating bf was giving me thoughtful gifts and later he stopped??? For months i never got anything from him even if i asked for any smallest thing

At first after break up all i felt was grief and shock. I could easily say it was one of the worst feelings in my life. However, i was coping by reading and posting on reddit, by constantly thinking, yapping and analyzing the relationship and all that was making it.. easier to deal with? And also kept me feeling close to him because hey, hes still in my thoughts, some days ago he was still mine.

Now i feel much better i feel im slowly getting back to my life, enjoying things and realizing he was never much present anyway. Right after the break up this realisation hit and i felt a bit of a relief.

But now, It feels.. worse. Now when i feel sane, not so overwhelmed by feelings and heavy emotions it hits second time that hes just not here anymore and hes further and further with every day and every moment, both of us forgetting eo more and more, caring less and less (unless hes supressing it now and will feel it later lmao). It feels off to now actually move on. Even tho im glad the relationship ended and i dont feel much attached but the nostalgia now is making me genuinely sad. Like im not heartbroken anymore and i still cant share my day with him? My bad feelings are gone but so is he and always will be gone, no matter what i do, no matter what i feel or think.

I dont want to talk to him because it will never be the same again even if i had a chance but i just miss him.

Do yall ever leave healthy LTR cuz of boredom and feeling of not fitting well together?

Im still fresh after the break up (im the dumpee) trying to process the thing but from the start it feels weird because its a mix of mourning and relief...

Analyzing our relationship i remember that from the start i wasnt sure if i want it, i had another very unserious crush at the moment and my to be boyfriend was trying so hard to get us together that i eventually fell for it. We were in a relationship for a year and in the moment i decided i do want to be with him i was all in. Attached, very serious about it, and very loyal. Relationship hurt me a lot, time and time again and again but i was staying, well, attached, commited and loyal.

At some moment i felt very not appreciated by him, i felt like a beggar and i eventually believed im too needy and all that stuff, and i even changed my behaviours for the sake of keeping the relationship. I felt it was going better and then he broke up on a random thursday without any before signs in sight.

Now what makes me feel so weird -- during break up he said he didnt want to talk because he knows i will argue and be harsh on myself (?), he said he knows i changed a lot for him but we dont fit, asked me to not think about him and to keep my mind busy (lol) and in the end he blocked me.

Tbh i just want to vent that now im realising what this relationship has been from the start and i feel like im the version of myself again that i lost in this loyalty thing, and i feel so annoyed by his ego thinking ill be idk grieving more than he does!!:D its kinda "but youre the one who is calling" type of feeling for me rn. Id love to hear some feedback and your pov reddit

Im 40h after my first ever break up with someone i thought id marry. Feels like part of my is ripped out. So many questions running thru my head now. Does he miss me, will he ever contact me again, did it mean anything for him, why did he hurt me so bad with so many things during our relationship, how could his feelings change...? I know its just a passing feeling but i cant imagine how will i live now without him, even tho he wasnt much present in my life anyway. Can i get any support, your perspective etc pls?:(