u/PeanutMaster5300

I am a Muslim from Kazakhstan, born and raised in the West. I consider myself fairly religious and I'm married to a Pakistani Muslim man.

However I was raised by parents who discussed religion, not just Islam, very openly and were very open to questions and critique. I was raised to believe Islam and the Quran are up for interpretation and I don't follow any Hadith or tend to listen to scholars. I have opinions and there are things that I openly disagree with within our religion.

However, I don't consider myself fully westernised and since becoming active on reddit only this year I found some acceptance within muslim communities here, mostly among women. I'm not white enough for the whites and not muslim enough for the muslims.

But I wonder is what I see on reddit genuinely a good representation of the thoughts in our communities? Some of the posts I'm seeing are so extreme, I have made a few myself, asking simple questions wanting the perspective of non western people thinking there'd be more understanding of the nuances of being raised within Islam. But instead my comments and most replies to any comments I make are filled with attacks on my whole character, how I'm going to hell, or normalising sin by simply living in a way that doesn't align with their views. Theres a lot of that 'holier than though' attitudes coming through as if the people commenting have never sinned in their life. Everyone sins, and everyone has a different level of what they consider a sin they would never commit. There's millions of tik toks out there joking about this exactly, how a muslim will commit every sin imaginable but will look at you like you're satan himself for offering them bacon. They're jokes yeah but that's how many muslims around me live. Being a strict muslim is not realistic imo, south asians are often the exception. My husband grew up in the west but within a much stricter religious home, and this is what I see amongst many Pakistanis.

I don't see an issue with that, you can be religious but I don't understand the hate for muslims who choose not to be, or who decide to question. This was a source of a lot of our arguments within our marriage at the beginning due to the fact that I thought my husbands lack of comprehending his own religion, his lack of questioning anything just showed he was willing to blindly follow something he doesn't understand or even knows if he agrees with it or not.

Like I said before, I believe all religions are up for interpretation and therefore I don't stick to all the rules that are seen amongst many muslims as black and white, but having this opinion apparently isn't allowed, because there's nothing 'personal' about Islam according to them.

I'd love to see the perspective of muslims here who see themselves as having a moderate haram/halal ratio, what do you think about this. But also from non muslim perspective, I know most of you aren't active in muslim subs but have you noticed this?

Assalamu alaikum, My husband and I (Both 25) got married very recently and I'm dealing with a huge culture shock. We were both born and raised in a Western country however, I am from Central Asia while he's South Asian.

My ancestry is mainly Tatar, I'm very white passing, I have dark hair and skin that tans very dark but living in Northern Europe I'm pale most of the year, and I have light eyes. My father was even blond as a child. I don't wear the hijab so I had never truly experienced real racism growing up except maybe while speaking in our native tongue in public with my parents, or if someone knew my full name/surname.

My husband however, is very clearly 'foreign' and looks very much like his race and although he says he never experiences racism I have noticed things that are bothering me a lot.

The first few instances probably weren't meant badly but they came from other Muslim men which I didn't think about too much until it kept happening very often. I'm usually treated as a temporary 'white' girlfriend, or my husband is told he's lucky he 'bagged' a white girl. Or I am told to be careful because he will leave me and marry someone right for him. We married the right way, our parents met and discussed everything, we were engaged for a year and both sides were very happy with our arrangement. But in public I can see the looks, especially from other Muslims.

The worst encounters however have been by young people in public. I know I shouldn't let what children are saying get to me but I find what these teens are doing so insulting on my husbands behalf. It's more malicious where we are both called out. I'm asked what I'm doing with him, or he's asked how he managed to date me, or that 'his kind' are stealing our women or teen girls will respond with disgust to him and only speak with me interrogating me why I'm with him. He is very adamant that these comments don't get to him. But I can see he gets insulted and he is very protective of me as these encounters are usually quite scary. This is mainly because I had been surrounded by teenagers when I was leaving a mosque once, while alone, and they kept interrogating me about different things aggressively like why I converted, if it was for a man etc. (I'm a born Muslim), so I'm quite wary around groups of teenagers.

I would love some advice about how everyone has been dealing with similar issues and how not to let these comments get to you. Like I said before marriage I've never experienced this to such an extent.

EDIT: I want to clarify. i'm looking for advice how to support my husband more though I feel like im affected by these encounters more than he is, I do think he's hiding his real feelings of offence to seem stronger for me. I would like to be less affected and stand up for him. He is my best friend and we love each other very much thats why the insults directed at him hurt me so much. I had chosen him and hate how others seem to perceive our relationship.

Hi, I've had this issue since creating the account. I'm still new to reddit so I thought at the beginning it was a new account issue. It's been a few months now and I still cant accept chats and get the error of "unable to join room". Any solutions?

Hi all,

I wanted to ask where is the best place in and around Dublin (maybe max 2hrs outside the county) for walkouts for horse riding. The ones I've looked into have all riders on a lead rein and they don't cater for trotting or cantering. I was wondering if anyone knows of any companies with a bit more freedom or allowances for more experienced riders.

Thank you.

I've cut my mum off a few months ago and I've never felt such a weight lifted off my shoulders. My anxiety essentially disappeared and even my partner has said I sound happier. I feel happier, lighter and all the positives.

The issue is that I can feel myself starting the same cycle. I obviously had a very complicated relationship with my mum. As a child I was "mature for my age" but it was because i had to raise myself as I was ignored. As a teen I was my mums "best friend" and therapist while taking on emotional baggage that should not have been put on a child. When I set boundaries as an adult I became the evil, ungrateful daughter so I would distance myself. But then things would be ok for a some time and I would feel like I can depend on my mum again only do be disappointed for the millionth time.

A few months ago I cut her off completely, no contact. I've never done that before. She hasn't tried to reach out and coming to this decision was hard but given how I felt after and how I was feeling for a long time I know it was the right choice. Over the last few weeks though I have been thinking of reaching out. The thing is I know I don't miss HER, i miss the potential of what she could be as a mother. I miss the mother I've never had and I know this. But sometimes I wonder is having a crappy mother not better than having no mother at all?