u/Pedagoga

This happened a month ago and I still struggle to get it our of my mind. In an unrelated app, I woke up one morning and I thought my husband was chatting on his phone. I asked him and he said he was on reddit, and handed me his phone without hesitation for me to be sure. We have always been very open with passwords on any device. I went to his work messages and found something that didn't feel right and hurt me deeply. It's nothing sexual, nothing like pet names or heart emojis, but his interaction with a female co-worker feels off. In a way that is not completely bad but at the same time makes me feel disrespected. In 2017 I witnessed a conversation between my husband and his best friend in which my husband tells him about this girl that has learned everything very fast and he sounds genuinely surprised and pleased by this.

In an old conversation, she makes a comment that she changed her hair color, they only see themselves in zoom meetings, she lives in a different continent. In regards of her hair, my husband replies "it looks nice (smile emoji)". In another conversation, my husband tells her she is "awesome". In another interaction, she asked him how his family is doing, he replies with details on how the kids are doing, but there is no mention of me. This co-worker moved departments, and where the chat denoted she left that group, my husband sent a message that reads "Finally decided to ditch us? <super sad face emoji>". They talked about her reasons for leaving, he tells her how proud he is of her for advancing so quickly in the company, my husband says "I will miss our conversations", she replies "I will miss our conversations too" to which my husband gives a sweaty smile emoji.

He wishes her happy birthday every year, happy early birthday, happy belated birthday (their birthdays are posted in their group calendar). This is very much it, there is no sexual references, nothing that could clearly denote something else. But why does it hurt me so much? I can't stop going through those conversations in my head. We had a fight about it, and he says he treats everybody like that when they are close co-workers and that I am overreacting. Do you think I am overreacting to this?

This happened a month ago and I still struggle to get it our of my mind. In an unrelated app, I woke up one morning and I thought my husband was chatting on his phone. I asked him and he said he was on reddit, and handed me his phone without hesitation for me to be sure. We have always been very open with passwords on any device. I went to his work messages and found something that didn't feel right and hurt me deeply. It's nothing sexual, nothing like pet names or heart emojis, but his interaction with a female co-worker feels off. In a way that is not completely bad but at the same time makes me feel disrespected. In 2017 I witnessed a conversation between my husband and his best friend in which my husband tells him about this girl that has learned everything very fast and he sounds genuinely surprised and pleased by this.

In an old conversation, she makes a comment that she changed her hair color, they only see themselves in zoom meetings, she lives in a different continent. In regards of her hair, my husband replies "it looks nice (smile emoji)". In another conversation, my husband tells her she is "awesome"; specifically about this, it's important to mention that he has made comments to me about how easy to be a housewife is, that there are no due dates and basically I play with my plants and watch TV, he said.

In another interaction, she asked him how his family is doing, he replies with details on how the kids are doing, but there is no mention of me. This co-worker moved departments, and where the chat denoted she left that group, my husband sent a message that reads "Finally decided to ditch us? <super sad face emoji>". They talked about her reasons for leaving, he tells her how proud he is of her for advancing so quickly in the company, my husband says "I will miss our conversations", she replies "I will miss our conversations too" to which my husband gives a sweaty smile emoji.

He wishes her happy birthday every year, happy early birthday, happy belated birthday (their birthdays are posted in their group calendar). This is very much it, there is no sexual references, nothing that could clearly denote something else. But why does it hurt me so much? I can't stop going through those conversations in my head. We had a fight about it, and he says he treats everybody like that when they are close co-workers and that I am overreacting. Do you think I am overreacting to this?