u/Peetus1

So me and this girl have been dating for a little over a week and have been seeing each other for 2 months now.

Tonight we were hanging out in my room, it was 12am and we were kind of winding down. I was tired and she was wide awake and kept saying she was bored.

At first I was offering things to entertain her like going on a late night drive, playing some games on my console, rubbing her back, a bunch of different things and she kept not being interested in any of those.

It kind of irked me, and I planned on just letting it go, but she’s really good at picking up on when my mood changes. She asked what was wrong and said don’t lie so of course I just decided to tell her and all she had to say was “you’re irked that I was bored, I don’t really know what you want me to say” and that was it.

Really all I wanted was for her to say something even remotely reassuring and I would’ve been totally fine and happy after that.

I guess my worry here is that this could be a sign that she’s a bit dismissive? I’m not even sure if I was justified in being upset in the first place, maybe being as tired as I was I was just a bit more irritable, but I feel as though it’s not difficult to just clear that up.

About a year ago, I had a sexual experience where I went soft right before intercourse, and it really got in my head. Ever since then, I’ve been avoiding sexual intimacy, even when I’ve had plenty of opportunities. Physically, I know I’m completely healthy—I wake up with strong morning erections, I lift regularly, take care of myself, and do everything right. Deep down, I know this is mental, but it still affects me.

About a month ago, I met this girl, and she’s honestly great. In the beginning, I was really nervous because of everything in my head, so I avoided sex with her too. After about a week, we finally did have sex, and it went really well. I had taken sildenafil beforehand, and even though I was still a bit anxious, it ended up being a long, really good, and intimate experience. There was even a time later when I didn’t take anything and things still worked fine.

That said, I still find myself avoiding sex because it makes me anxious. There was one time with her where I went soft again, and it felt awful, but she was incredibly understanding and supportive, especially since she knows about my past sexual trauma with my ex that caused this in the first place. Now I’m out of sildenafil, and I’ve gone back to avoiding sex altogether. The last few times we’ve hung out, we’ve only teased each other, and I can’t help but feel like I’m starting to mess things up—even though she seems completely okay with everything.

We’ve only had sex 5 times plus some oral inbetween the month we’ve known each other and I feel like I’m not doing enough. Idk I guess I’m looking for some reassurance or anything that will help here. I just downloaded Ro and ordered some more sildenafil just for some peace of mind.