u/Personal-Reward-5690

Hi guys

How do you get men to be more casual with you so like, hookups, fwbs, hanging out, just talking and kissing sometimes, etc? I keep getting commitment when I just want fun.

Men who I’m not close to AT ALL start to treat me like they’re trying to “impress” me, they’re too chivalrous, they talk about their family, they hint at relationships and so on. My ex bf asked me to be his gf within a week of us interacting tho I think he’d seen me around before. And he started thinking abt marriage literally four months into the relationship. I also keep getting i love yous or random scenarios turning into men putting way too much pressure on themselves and by association on me.

Thing is I also do NOT encourage this, i don’t pour an unreal amt of time or effort into them, nor do i say anything so deep, nor do I do anything long term oriented for them (in my opinion). AND i am also 20, these men are also 20-24 so it’s clearly not a rush to settle down

Any idea why this happens??
How do I make it stop and make people more normal with me? I literally see everyone in my college have fun casual relationships and hookups and what not.

I don’t want to use the apps. Any person I’ve met I’ve met organically. But any tips will be greatly appreciated. I just want to enjoy my youth 😭🙏

Like in general. I am very sensitive and intense and emotional and so on. But no one perceives me that way. People barely believe me when I TELL them I’m very shy or scared or something. I think i am externally calm but my mind races a lot. I’ve realised lately that if i feel a little bit of a negative emotion or even a positive one I spend hours decoding why and what and solutions and so on.

How do i just be sad? Or happy or stupid or desperate or whatever it is without thinking?

And I’m already a very busy person (working full time AND summer school online full time in the opposite time zone). So I know all my negative feelings aren’t because I’m sitting idle. One of my biggest sources of anxiety is feeling like I’ll never find romantic love that truly sees me despite having romantic options and all. I tried getting busier to make this feeling go away but it doesn’t. And I know I’m already attractive looking. So o don’t think it’s a problem I can solve, i think it’s just not my time yet. How do i sit in that feeling without tryjng to solve it? - especially when my life is so full otherwise?

It’s just at the point where instead of feeling my feelings i sit and overthink them to the point of exhaustion. and this happens when i am busy as well. In fact since I’m already so busy, having this habit makes me feel like I’m never well rested at all. I feel like I’m trying to keep my sensitive heart safe but like, it might be easier to just feel hurt than do all this.

Any tips?