u/Physical-Signature12

How do you handle being accused of being the common denominator, despite doing your absolute BEST to improve yourself? And also being sure you're not the common denominator, and that you're not a totally shit person for having shit acquaintances and loads of drama?

When you have trauma, you attract other people with trauma. When you start recovering, you can see how absolutely bonkers your relationships have been. You cut off the toxic ones, it takes years. It's confusing and leaves you feeling like you're still brokem. That's left me with just my husband, and up until yesterday, one friend (who I've now been told is trashy and toxic, and I'm a doormat apparently).

I made a long post in the AIO sub about a friends' behaviour and got ripped to shreds, called a doormat, people not believing me.

I don't shout and anymore because I've regulated my nervous system, I e learned how to hold anger in my body and feel it, not be consumed by it, I no longer get triggered into a rage. I've always been a doormat though, and it's something I'm working on. But it's a difficult thing to substantiate to be able to work on in therapy.

I now have no friends. Even after 3 years of EMDR and IFS, feeling the best I ever have done, I'm still the "common denominator" cutting off toxic people and attracting drama. I have NO FRIENDS. Brilliant

Last year I went out for a couple of drinks with my friend after work which she wanted to turn into a whole night out, she kept asking "just one more!!" and we went from pub to pub. I couldn't be bothered, it was a work night but I hadn't seen her in ages. I told her I was only going to have a couple and skip drinks in some bars, to meet her in the middle.

On the third pub she admitted to me that she had been choosing the bars we were visiting because she was following two men who had both blocked her on social media. She told me she had fallen out with them (which resulted in the blocking) because she found out that they'd shared a video of her having sex with one of them, that she didn't know had been taken. She told me she'd had sex with both of these men.

I was totally miffed and conflicted about the situation, she was dragging me into drama and I wanted to support her but this was the completely wrong way to go about it, told her I was going home, and on the way out of the bar she physically dragged me into a conversation with the two men. It started off very conversational between the three of them, but I was staying quiet, I didn't want to be there. Then my friend brought up the topic of the video and the men were completely disgusting about it, making gross jokes and not taking it seriously, I lost my cool and walked out, walked myself home and left my friend.

Fast forward to now, yesterday we went to see a band in a different city, just me, my friend and my husband, we had an apartment booked for accomodation. My husband drove. A few days ago my friend broke the news that those two guys were going and she'd told them we would meet them. I really wasn't happy about it, kind of felt like she had set me up to fall out with them when she clearly wasn't *that* upset about the video. She also told me she'd slept with both of them since. EW!

I was pissed. I told her I didn't want either of them coming back to our appt, that I don't like it, I'm not happy about it, I didn't want them to join us. Of course she didn't care and she had us meet them in a bar. They were rude to me and said I'd called them dorks before I walked out of the pub last year (I don't remember this but I'm surprised I didn't call them worse). Not feeling any friendly vibes whatsoever, we all went to see the band, and they were as insufferable and immature as I remembered them being. One spilled a whole pint of beer down my back (accidentally) and totally ignored me, and apologised profusely to my husband instead. That annoyed me, and I told my husband I was trying to be amicable but I was running out of patience. My friend blew up at my husband over a joke that had gone too far, and she stormed off with the two men after my husband tried to apologise, she told my husband to fuck off.

At this point I thought I'd just cut her loose for my own sanity. After the band, my husband and I walked 1.5 miles towards a subway station to go back to out appt and find a nice bar for a few more drinks. My friend decided to call me repeatedly until I decided to just turn round and meet her back at the stadium. We were almost back to her when she told me she was tired of waiting for me so she just got a taxi into town with those two guys.

We checked on Uber and the taxi was going to be extortionate, so we decided to walk back. At this point we'd already walked 3mi and the walk back to town was 3.5mi. My friend was phoning me every 5 minutes to shout at me, demanding to know what was taking me so long. She said she'd thrown herself at a car and got a really cheap taxi fare back to town and that I should do the same. She wouldn't take no for an answer, shouted at me some more.

Anyway, after about 20 phonecalls from her I said to my husband, just go back to the apartment I'm NOT going out with her, being patient had drained all my energy. Told my friend I was unwell over yet ANOTHER phonecall and the walk back didn't help. She was like "oh okay" and weirdly just left me alone after that. Lying in bed I kept myself awake worrying and waiting for her to come back, she was posting on her story so still safe.

But she brought one of the guys back to our apartment for a one night stand. Could hear them having sex for hours. He left before we came out of our room. She told me she started her period yesterday and I'm completely speculating here but from personal experience, the bed sheets will be a complete mess and my husband made the booking, so I'm waiting for an angry email from the host. And anticipating charges.

I sent my friend a message last night during her shag and told her I felt totally grossed out, that she'd set me up to fall out with those guys and thrown it back in my face, that I feel really uncomfortable that she brought one back to our apartment. I got one, single "sorry" out of her then she started shouting at my husband again for yesterday's joke that went too far. Queue the 4 hour drive home. She didn't chip in towards gas or the city-centre parking, or lunch yesterday. She told me she was broke but she spent a fortune on drinks last night, she couldn't remember getting home and she was still hammered this morning. At this point I don't even want to ask her for money.

I know I can just cut her off, but I've known her for years. I don't really know where this leaves me. Other than the single message I sent last night, I've said nothing to her that would indicate I'm upset with her - I don't see the point, I don't expect her to change for me but I just think she's just been a really shit friend. Am I overreacting?

I have a nephew doing a plumbing apprenticeship and he's helping me move an enormous rubble pile. He came today after college when nobody was even home and he cracked on moving the pile into a skip down the road. He had the skip half full by the time I'd got home from work.

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He's coming back on Wednesday to help move the rest, didn't even have to ask he just offered.

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Thought about paying him, have no issue with it but would rather get him something useful. He said he has no tools for work, he has to buy his own. Said he thinks an SDS drill would be the most useful.

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What other tools for a lad who's starting out?