Hurt confused
I have a male friend that I love deeply, but I feel like he’s spiraling and I don’t know what to do anymore. He works out constantly, and I strongly suspect he may be using steroids because he’s gotten much bigger in a short amount of time. On top of that, he parties and drinks a lot , and I fucking hate it. He’s been so angry, agitated, and aggressive, and that’s not who he used to be. He was always gentle, kind, and easygoing. He’s been through a lot in life and has lost so many people. He has bipolar disorder, but he barely takes his medication, which makes everything feel even harder. The truth is, he doesn’t really have anyone else besides me. I’ve been in his life for years, and I can’t imagine losing him. But at the same time, he treats me badly. I’m the one helping him when he’s hungover, sick, raging, or falling apart. He insults me, yells at me, and has even pushed me down before and hurt me. He always apologizes after, sometimes crying, begging me not to leave him alone. We’ve both experienced a lot of loss, so I understand pain and trauma. That’s part of why it’s so hard for me to walk away. Even when he hurts me, I still want to help him. But I’m mentally and emotionally exhausted. I feel stuck between protecting myself and being terrified of what could happen if I leave or cut him off.