Hi all,
Sorry if this is a silly question.
I want to cover my hair. I’m not religious, but I don’t want men looking at me. I’ve a history of trauma. I don’t want to elaborate.
I want to cover my hair. You don’t have to agree - that’s fine. I’m not shaming women who disagree. But I need head covering ideas. And please don’t try to convince me otherwise - I’m not here for that.
Because even after my bird-ass being blocked, ghosted and ignored (I didn’t continue contact after, though, regrettably, I thought about it), I still had hope.
When I found out it felt like my heart fell through my ass. But we’ve been NC for nearly a year and he’s getting engaged, and I can say good riddance, good luck, congratulations, and finally let the fuck go.
I’m 25-years-old — nearly 26 — and I’ve never had a relationship.
This isn’t necessarily about that. I find some men — rare — attractive. I wanted to see if I could face rejection and it turns out, I’m absolutely awful at it.
For the first man: I kept looking over and every time we’d make eye-contact, he’d quickly look away. When he got up with his drink to go to the smoking area, my stupid ass — opposite him — yelled, “Excuse me! Sir!” But he had his back to me. Eventually my friend went up and told him I thought he was cute, and it turns out he has a fiancé. Good for him, but I felt like an idiot.
The second man seemed a bit more warm and receptive. I went up and told him I thought he was cute. He said thank you, smiling, and my friend was adamant he looked me up and down. So I wrote my Instagram handle on a napkin and gave it to him, but haven’t yet heard anything back. He was very attractive, so chances are he had a partner — or he simply wasn’t attracted, which is fine, but I woke up half an hour ago wishing I hadn’t done it.
I feel embarrassed. I don’t know how flirting works. I’m not good with cues. I can’t mask. I eventually started a conversation with these two other men — brothers — and asked for advice, and one topic flowed smoothly to the next; the older one was cute and suggested “doing it again some time”, but I felt a bit rubbish about tonight. I don’t really feel attractive. I have weird, big teeth, a flat chest, and I don’t know how to style myself.
I know men deal with worse, or so they’ve said, so I don’t want to take the piss. It was a fun night otherwise. I drank, helped a lady whose phone died get a taxi; danced, had some lovely conversation. Just wish I hadn’t been as messy with the flirting.
Still need to deep-clean, but at least it’s something. Been thinking about buying a rug or a vase of flowers, or something.
So much sweat.
That’s all.
Citalopram has been the only SSRI my body has tolerated. I’ve been on 40mg before, but it was several years ago. I forgot just how difficult the transition was.
I’ve gradually increased my dosage from 10mg to 40mg over the course of, say, six months.
Today, I did laundry and ran a 5K. Before increasing to 40mg, I spent money needlessly to try to feel some “feel good” hormones. Naturally, that didn’t work. I’m not numb, nor am I euphoric. Maybe I’m just unintelligent. That isn’t something SSRIs can fix.
Anyways. Typing this right now, I feel anxious. Tired. I want to sleep. It’s been rough on my appetite. I know it’ll level out eventually — the serotonin receptors are likely overwhelmed and are compensating by activating my sympathetic nervous system. I’m not sure. I’m also feeling very lonely.
Been trying to watch HOTD. I'll likely go for a nap and see how I'm feeling when I wake up.