u/Plane-Surprise9753

Now me and my Bf have (had?) been in a srs relationship for over a year, ive struggled alot w bpd and neurodivergency. I improved alot with my symptoms over the years and i was much better when we started dating. He is very caring and understanding but he makes many sarcastic jokes that throw me off as i dont understand it and take things literally.

We had a great time initially but after our first meeting in january (we live in different cities) which didnt go well there was increased tension. We were unable to meet on valentines either due to circumstances. Around this time our arguments increased alot, most of them based on misunderstandings and smaller issues which would escelate. My bpd got worse and i became a bad partner i'd cuss at him, call him names and misunderstand him. Around march it got worse and I broke up w him for the first time, this cycle comtinued for almost a month.

Now before he started dating i made it very clear that i do not allow us to take our private rls matters to friends or people of the opposite gender but he did. He has this friend Z she used to like him but he had rejected her. She still liked him until recently. After a very heated argument he went to her for advive and shared our argument. After i found out i blew up on him since i had made it very clear not to do it. She had also hid her stories from me which i found weird as fuck. I told him to block her he said he would after his exams he said that she and him have been friends for 3 years and itd be difficult for him to remove her like this. I gave him an ultimatum to either block her at that moment or i would block him eventually did blok him. Now a few days had gone and he still hadnt removed her i called him crying and he said he would, when he told her calmly i was uncomfotable she called me insecure and a controlling bitch. I told him to cuss her out and call her a whore, which he didnt he just told her not to say stuff like that. I saw this as him not defending me and i broke up w him in anger and said rlly nasty stuff to him and cussed her out, i accussed him for cheating on me and stopped talking. When i tected him again he was still following her.

From his prespective he believes i acted this way because of my BPD and i am controlling and this controlled was threatened. He thinks i wouldve acted this way regardless and that we arent dating anhmore (temporarily). He thinks i dont see him as an individual but rather a possesion and we shouldnt talk unless i detach myself from him and seek professional help. He thinks im irrational and i should talk it out w her once we date again and if im still uncomfotable then he'll remove her.id rlly appreciate some advice

i dont want to talk it out w her....and i cussed her out because of my valid reasons AITAH in this sotuation?

Edit: I do recognize i am a bad person and what i have done wasnt good i am working on myself and id appreciate further advice asw

Now im thinking of joining Uet because i simply have no other options for engineering universities in lahore Now my forst priority was GIKI and maybe NUST however my family is very very conservative and a bit backward like just tge idea of a woman doing engineering is blasphemy for them but somehow i managed to convince them. Ab im sulking here ik all kinds of people are present in all kinds of unis but Uet is typically conservative and more religious in terms of its environment plus the social life for students isnt good at all. I know ill be judged alot in uni esp if i come to Uet. I tried LUMS for electrical engineering because i genuinely just wanted a freer environment but my family didnt let me go LUMS either because they dislike it so now i have no options left except UET and idk what to do i know im going to stand out (in a bad way) i
I have bright pink hair dyed i do all sorts of funky stuff w my looks and im very loud and political im not sure how ill survive uet.....

Is it worth going in NIT

Missed the date

Can i get in 😬 (ME)