I’m giving up on my dream
For 2 years I built myself, my knowledge, my exposure. But when I finally got in, I realized that I couldn’t physically and mentally stand the hospital hierarchy. My seniors getting bothered by the littlest thing, them shitting on me for our differentials (hello that’s why we entered residency, to learn!).
Call me weak, spoiled or wtvr. But I kept vomiting, always had headaches, a part of my face is literally numb from pain. I could barely eat not because I’m too busy. We have time to eat. But my body is literally rejecting the food. I have 0 appetite. Each night I would cry when I get home but would have to stop myself because I needed to reply to a consultant, send a deliverable, or just do something about work.
And I can’t literally stomach that. Right now I don’t know if I made the right decision. But I know that even if I go through with this, I’d destroy myself. So I’m walking away from the hospital life. I’m depressed about this decision but I think it’s for the best.
To the doctors out there that think that residency is the only path to be a “successful” doctor, there are other ways. I’m sure there are. But what we consider as “successful” is subjective. For me, just staying alive while earning is already okay.