u/Prestigious_Humor763

I’ve been thinking about something that’s been bothering me for 15 years… just one nail in a coffin full of nails…

My husbands parents don’t really recognise me as a person in my own right when they talk to us or talk about things we’ve done as a family. Everything gets attributed to my husband.

Some examples for context

I had this wellness product (worth £250) and it didn’t work for me, I offered it to my MIL and she ended up getting loads of use out of it. But when his parents passed messages about it afterwards, it was essentially “thanks John, brilliant”… rather than thanking or recognising me.

And it happens with other things too.

If they come for dinner and I’ve cooked a big meal, it’ll be “thanks John, that was great” rather than acknowledging me. I find it very rude and it happens repeatedly.

Even when we visit as a family (we have 2 kids), there are things like, “we’ll do this in for John” or “we’ll get that packed for John”, when actually it’s for both of us.

It’s very rarely framed as something for both of us or in any way framed to recognise me.

What makes it harder… I don’t think they do the same thing with their other DIL. They seem to recognise her as their own person.

My husband just says that’s just how they are… because I know that’s probably the easiest explanation for him.

Unfortunately this is just one very annoying pin in the coffin of a much wider history of their dislike towards me.

It reminds me of an interview clip of meghan markle once voicing her opinion to ask if she can have a voice now too… and I know that people hate women that stick up for themselves, and we are expected to basically put up with it. I’ve put up with a lot from my in laws, but it’s these little things that really just pile on the worsening of the relationship.

My son is going into year one this September. For context I also have an older daughter.

Since he has been little, he’s been able to recite numbers 1 to 10 and the same with the alphabet song since he was tiny. However, this summer it’s come to my attention that he doesn’t actually understand numbers or counting… for example I will show him 4 fingers but he doesn’t understand that’s it 4 fingers. He is unable to count beyond 3 until recently where we played some games and he now recognises counting up to 5 (just about)…

If I google it, it says it could be numerical dyslexia… but it’s also made me question if he’s actually learnt anything at reception at all this last year… we’ve already been told that he’s been out into a small corner table with a number of others in his class with a Teaching assistant because of ADHD (focus) like behaviour issues… now I’m wondering if he’s just not getting the same level of education as the rest of his peers because of that..

I never had this with daughter, who was like a sponge at nursery / reception age.

He can write his name and trace letters really nicely, shapes, colours, mechanical and general curiosity etc … it just seems to be counting.

Should I be concerned?

*ADHD not diagnosed, just suspected

We moved to a village around 3 years ago and we didn’t know anyone. My eldest started nursery so straight into making friends the same time as anyone else. The thing with the area we move into is that everyone seems to have grown up here, and there are very few “outsiders”… like us.

There seems to be a them vs us thing when it comes to anything social from parties to small talk at pick ups.

I haven’t taken it too personal as everyone seems to know everyone and their families across generations etc…

What I am getting upset about is that when it’s my daughter’s birthday very selective friends attend (the ones that aren’t originally from here etc)… but when it’s one of their kids birthday, the whole lot attends. My daughter doesn’t see or feel the difference, but I do.

There was one incident recently where one of her friends and the parent was supposedly joining my daughter for her birthday tea garden party, then that morning, the mum texted to say she will be spending the afternoon with her grandparent who lives around the corner instead. I’ve since seen them at other parties and when I say hello they completely blank me.

It’s like they don’t want to associate with an outsider.

It’s such a weird village vibe, and nothing like what I experienced pre-school (in a city) and baby and toddler meet ups where everyone was open and social. And im sure there are quirks in all schools, but it does feel pretty extreme for me sometimes.