IUD 99% effective. I’m the 1%
Very long post so sorry in advance. This is just some thoughts I’ve been having recently.
I have 2 wonderful children, 3yr old daughter and 21 month son. They’re 21 months apart. I got an iud placed 8 weeks postpartum with my second as he was a surprise.
The insertion was horrible. The doc had little bedside manner, said he had been out of the office setting for a while due to working inpatient. He did the lidocaine injection but gave it no time to work. I was shaking from the pain of the insertion. I got the Kyleena too.
For reference I was 9cm dilated with my first until I got the epidural. I was 7cm dilated with regular contraction with my second and had no idea/no pain. For me to feel that significant amount of pain is unusual and they did not schedule me to do a follow up appointment for placement verification.
I breastfed my second baby until he was 15 months old and finally had my body to myself again after almost 4 years of either pregnancy or breastfeeding.
Then I start feeling nauseous one day. Uh-oh, that’s my number one sign of pregnancy. First test is immediately positive so I do what any other sane person with an unexpected positive pregnancy test does. I take 4 more. All positive and dark. Well shit.
My 21 month old follows me around the house crying as he usually does because I am not conjoined at the hip to him and all I can feel is anger. How could this have happened with one of the most effective forms of birth control. How am I going to do this when my second child nearly broke me? We have no family or support. All I feel is anger, sadness, grief.
Turns out that both the IUD limbs were embedded in the lower portion of the myometrium. Anger, anger, anger. I’ve always wanted 3 kids and now that it could happen all I feel is anger. My husband said no matter what I chose he will support me. He would love a 3rd but financially it would be stressful and mentally we are both so exhausted.
I’m angry. Angry that I have to make this decision at all when I took the precautions to prevent this. Angry that I want a 3rd so bad but know I can’t mentally handle a hyperemesis pregnancy for the 3rd time. What a sick way of having this revelation when I was already being to accept it on my own with time. Angry that I don’t have an excuse as valid as other women for ending a pregnancy when I could give this baby a loving home, wonderful father and siblings and everything it needs.
We make the appointment with planned parenthood and I write down the time exactly. We get there the day of and I endure to the pro life protestors tell me I don’t have to do this. I go to check in and they said my appointment was actually at 8:10 and not 8:45 so I need to reschedule. Even more anger. We drove 45 minutes with my 2 kids because a medication abortion isn’t safe with an embedded IUD. Now we have to come back in 4 days. The next 4 days I feel as though I’m being mentally tormented by this. The constant nausea as a reminder of this pregnancy.
The appointment comes and the D&C went fine but the IUD was too embedded that they couldn’t remove it. Even more anger. How much more frustration can I feel? I was ready to be done and start birth control pills and my husband a vasectomy. Now the OBGYN wants to wait until beginning of June for a Hysteroscopy to remove the IUD. Every bathroom break is a reminder with blood and clots. Cramps and reminders of the IUD still embedded in my uterus and my mind is constantly brought back to this decision.
Maybe in time I won’t feel anger. Maybe I’ll feel acceptance or something. May that day find me sooner than later because this anger and sadness and grief has been eating me away. And all I want is to forget this part of my life.