u/Pretend_Wallaby6277

I never was told how much we’d be getting and I looked it up and apparently 2,550? is that true?

I am so so lost and it seems right now only god can help me and it’s a struggle because it comes down to me and my own discernment but I’m so so very lost. I’ve gone to several people gotten mixed advice. I am stuck where I am and I can’t seem to move forward. I want to live this life so badly but I also can’t seem to do anything to change my present. there’s layers atop layers of my situation and right now I need god more than ever.

these past few weeks I spent my time avoiding my situation and blocking it out because I’m so stuck- no praying no reading the Bible- no desire to. But I’m so stuck I know I need god to help me and I think today is the day I’ll pray after a long minute of not doing so.

maybe god wants me to get off my butt and act already - maybe he has already told me what to do, maybe he hasn’t but I’m not sure I know or that I want to know. Maybe he wants me to just not be lazy and try to discern for myself- at the end of the day it’s only me that can move forward but I am just feeing so lost and so without god. I wonder what he’s thinking of me right now, what he’s thinking looking at the trajectory of my life. I don’t know what he wants from me at this point or why I’m still here when I’ll keep failing him, keep running away from my situation and stay stuck in inaction. I’m more likely to never become the person he wants me to be.

I just want an out of my situation. I want to live my life the way I see everyone else do so without something huge looming over their shoulders.

I don’t know what it will take. I haven’t reached the part in my story where I finally move forward where the big change happens- where things finally start looking up- where the person finally takes a step. I’m seeing testimony after testimony and people being able to so easily proclaim their faith and their walk with god while I’m still stuck and I envy it. maybe my faith isn’t solid. Maybe I’m not strong. maybe I went too far. I truly don’t know.

EDIT: for more context, I have a huge decision to make and action to take. I’m stuck indecicive and in inaction. I’ve been avoiding this situation for as much as I could and still am and it’s like I’m showing god I’m not serious. My grandpa passed away recently and he was a pastor. I never thought to run it by him because I didn’t want him to see me different and I didn’t want to ruin family ties but he was probably the best and only person in the world that I could say for sure I trust his judgement. So this was about being stuck with this decision and not knowing what to do not really having the help for it. and even if god wants me to take the hard route im too coward to take it. but at least I wouldn’t be alone and I would have someone in person who could really help me. I’ve gone to other people but I feel they didn’t understand and I feel at least my grandpa would’ve been able to understand. He was truly a good man.

I don’t know how to finally get over myself and get serious about my situation and stop the despair. I don’t know how to face god, what god wants from me right now even. I havent been showing in serious and I don’t know how to get serious and stay serious about my situation instead of avoiding and ignoring it.

location: NYC

for personal reasons I can’t go into I’m doing this without any outside involvement aside from myself . im already scared to share info but I just have a few questions.

is it wise to have a free consultation on my situation?

secondly can this consultation be over email and still be confidential and fall under attorney client privilege?

thirdly, if this conversation ever happens over phone or email however it happens- in preparation is it ok to have a script of questions and an explanation of my situation- would it also fall under confidentiality and is it inadmissible in court? Is there a chance it can be used against me?

I wanna have what I say ready and I may forget the advice I’m given so that’s the reason I would want to do that.

fourth- in terms of explaining my situation- it’s super complex and has layers and layers to it - I’m unsure whether I can explain it without speaking freely/candidly. can I still do that or should I speak in a more coded way?

any advice on how to get legal advice when I have nowhere private to have a consultation call and don’t have a lot of availability to go somewhere myself?

This was all possibly poorly worded, but any and all other advice on how a teen should get legal help on a situation, by themselves, for free would be greatly appreciated.

(apologies for poor writing or the vagueness)

Hi so I’ve done some really heinous things and I’m about to take responsibility for it and try to make it right action wise (it’s daunting and I may coward out which would make things worse)

By taking this specific action I know it’s the right thing but I’m still scared it’s the wrong thing still scared I’ll make things worse. I wanna do this and give it to god if it really is his will but I’m just really scared to do this. 

Secondly in terms of my conscience I feel closer to a reprobate than anything. I’ve done really immoral things with knowledge of truth and more and i just have nothing to work with in short. I’ve got no brokenness or anything solid to say maybe there is some hope that maybe there’s still some humanity. So I’m scared to an extent of what that means for me because right now I’m numb about it all. Im only thinking of what I’m about to lose and scared for myself and I’m only truly taking action because it’s like my hands are forced to an extent but it’s still the right thing. I’m basically walking into the consequences no different than an unrepentant person. I worry I’ll never have a sensitive conscience again or I’ll never really feel the brokenness I should. Because if I do at least I know there’s something there but I’ve got absolutely nothing. I’m just callous and other darker parts I don’t think I can confess. But I feel I lack genuine repentance. 

Lastly, this action I’m taking may directly affect the people I care about . This is the main reason I’m hesitant. I know it’s the right thing and I’m still scared they’ll be caught in the crossfire/fall out. I know gods in control and if it’s his will what can I do? But that’s exactly why I’ve been stuck. There are many complications to it but I’m asking for prayer for my family - that they’re spared if possible from the fall out of my mess.

If anyone has experienced something similar, or has any biblical advice , I would really appreciate it. And I ask for prayer myself and my family and that they’re protected from my mess if possible.