u/Pretty_Morning8686

I suffering from depression and also from soft tissue rare sarcoma cancer(I was refused the treatment year ago after it almost killed me). Since this I develop very strong phobia of treatment and got regular panic attacks. This all lead me to isolation and I develop depression. I live in small village in UK and I was waiting long time before I was approved for therapy online as I also have chronic fatigue as the one and only side effect of the untreated cancer so is better for me to have them online... on this sub I not want talk about my cancer unless someone ask me about it. I want to write there about my journey through my therapy . I will try writing there every day and I hope it will help someone also.

My physiatrist diagnosis: depression with agaropfobia and anxiety

I still see hope 🌻

Hi. I was diagnosed with rare type of soft tissue sarcoma cancer. Chemotherapy not working on this type I was having radiotherapy... I was then later come to be on Sunitinib and I was have very bad side effects in fact I almost die from it being hospitalised doctor give me very little chance to recover from the side effects as I was going through heart attack at the age of 35 just not long ago I started the new treatment. In hospital while recovering I was having time to think. "My cancer is slow growing and it will kill me in few years and before the treatment apart from chronic fatigue I was have no other symptoms... now the treatment almost killed me in 3 weks time and I have lots others bad side effects".

This cause me refuse treatment. Now I am 36 and apart from fatigue I have no other symptoms of the disease. I not even lost weight in fact I even gain some . My tumour stay same size and is not visible because is small under the skin (I know if will be growing I will feel bone pain) ... yet when I tell people about refusing cancer treatment they call me selffish because I have child and I should going through naighmare for my child otherwise I not love my child. What you think about it

I mean without or with rare panic attacks where you can feeling relax and talk with people?

I live in UK village and the only areas I can be is

1. My house

2. My garden

3. My lokal shop that is exactly 30 second from my house

4. Big,green area that is 2 minute walk from home. I love nature and green places with flowers calm me and make my stress go away,also there are people walk there but not in large crowds, just few of them and I like this minimal contact with people to talk with them. In fact I feel relexed when back home from this green place

But

1. I go more far away only if I must and most times I got panic attacks. Twice a month I need go post office but this not that far from home so is not bad... I was not in city centre for years now

2. I quit my job and start selling Digital stuff albo I partially on welfare benefits because my new job not earn me much money yet,but this only beggining so I hope this will change

3. I not go supermarkets for ages only I buy online

I hope physiotherapy will help me with my panic attacks

For example if I suspect someone lie about having cancer,but this person not receive diagnosis by letter only by private talk to doctor how will this person proof that it is having cancer for sure?

My friend also who had years ago cancer ,she too not receive cancer letter diagnosis and was called liar by others,because people wanted proof of her ilness

So my question is- does doctors sending any letter to patients about their cancer diagnosis or treatment after they was spoken with patient privately first?