u/Pristine_Trash_8787

The last 6 years have been insane. I divorced my ex husband, left the mormon cult, and then realized my family is abusive and cut them out of my life. I went from being homeless to having an apartment, finishing my undergrad and masters degree in 3 years. Then I got my LPC-C license and I started my own business. The moment I found a supervisor boom I got my first client. I also stopped dating for the last 3 years and decided I would never date again, and then boom a few months ago I met the love of my life. t's crazy how fast things change and it has me worried that things will fall apart fast but they haven't yet. I didn't even know I was capable of doing any of this. I surprised myself! You are far more capable than you realize. just 4 years ago I was lost. I was beyond hopeless to the point where I didn't even know I was hopeless because I forgot what hope was. I went to therapy and that changed my life.

edit: I want to make it crystal clear I’m not asking for a diagnosis, I’m simply asking if others have memories from infancy. Thank you.

Hi there. First I want to preference this by saying I am a mental health therapist, but I don't specialize in DID. Unfortunately they teach us next to nothing about this disorder in grad school. I'm currently doing lots of research on it because I think I have it. I am posting with the intention to see if other people's expierences are similar to this, and if you can help me understand. I have an appointment with my own therapist tomorrow. I've been doing sexual trauma work in therapy and because this is very heavy stuff I've been seeing my therapist 2-3 times a week. I started suspecting I had DID a year ago when I started EMDR and then blacked out twice and did things I didn't remember doing at night. I stopped EMDR and that stopped happening.

But then I started to have memories of infancy. Of specifically of my Dad sexually abusing me as an infant. This isn't my first memory of being an infant. I've told my Mom memories of infancy before and she was shocked at the level of detail I could remember. But this was the first time I remembered this memory. So when I told my Mom about infancy memories (I didn't tell her about sexual abuse memories) she confirmed things I remembered that she didn't realize I remembered. Because I was keeping it secret because I didn't want to acuse my Dad of something that could be a false memory. I told her that I remember the bathroom we had and in my parents bathroom was a small closet that had two mirror sliding doors and there was a bed in the closet. I told her I remembered sleeping in the bed with my Dad. She told me all of that was true. Becuase my Mom worked during the day and my Dad worked night shifts so I would sleep with him during the day and he would feed me. And this kept me safe form my older sisters in the home that were not old enough to go to school but were very destructive. You might ask who was taking care of them? I don't know probably no one as my parents were neglectful. Or my oldest sister was taking care of them.

So here is the memory I didn't tell her: I remember being an infant and waking up from sleeping to my Dad touching me and I was TERRIFIED I did not understand what was happening. It was painful and I thought I was dieing. And I remember leaving my body and then going back in once he was done.

I told my Dad recently that I've been doing training on how to help child clients who have experienced sexual abuse. So I've been telling him what I've been learning. Today I just called my Dad and I wan't going to talk to him about sexual abuse at all. I was just planning on having a casual convo about childhood memories. That's when I told him what I told my Mom, "Do you remember the closet with the mirrors....ect" and he said yes but then not a secound later said, "But I didn't sleep with you in that closet. It wasn't big enough for both of us. (I was a tiny infant). And I had not mentioned ANYTHING about us sleeping in there at all. And I did not mention sexual abuse or anything like that. So I was shocked he said that. And I told him well that's strange because that's not what Mom said. And he would tell me "No I didn't sleep with you". So strange, he brought it up like he was guilty and my clinical instincts were going "red flag, red flag". But I didn't mention to him that I thought he abused me and I just said, "okay well got to go, bye". But I'm questioning myself. Like how could I have remembered that from infancy? And what was this vivid memory of me leaving my body? I have multiple memories from childhood of me leaving my body. Has anyone remembered things from infancy?