u/Proof-Yam-5877

I’m a 34-year-old ENTP man, and I briefly dated a 30-year-old ENFP woman for about 6 weeks. When things ended, I told her I didn’t see a relationship with her, although looking back, I think there may have been some misunderstanding around how we left things, and I now regret how it ended.

About 6 weeks after we stopped seeing each other, she reached out to me again. We ended up texting for about two days, and the conversation became heavily flirtatious. She also suggested that we should see each other again, which made me realize I’m actually still interested in her.

The complication is that when she reached out, I had literally just boarded a flight for a 4–5 week trip in the Middle East, so I told her I was leaving for vacation. Since that last exchange, it’s now been 6 days with no contact, but I also haven’t texted her.

Now I’m overthinking the situation. I noticed her WhatsApp profile photo disappeared, which made me wonder whether she deleted my contact or lost interest. At the same time, she was the one who initiated contact after 6 weeks, so part of me thinks if she wanted to keep talking, she could text me again. But another part of me wonders whether, since she already made the first move, she may now be expecting me to show initiative.

Because I’m still away for another 4 weeks, I’m unsure what’s considered normal here. If someone is genuinely interested in reconnecting with a potential match, is it expected that they stay in touch even while traveling, or is it perfectly normal for communication to pause until they’re back? What is your opinion as an ENFP?

I’m a 34-year-old ENTP man, and I briefly dated a 30-year-old ENFP woman for about 6 weeks. When things ended, I told her I didn’t see a relationship with her, although looking back, I think there may have been some misunderstanding around how we left things, and I now regret how it ended.

About 6 weeks after we stopped seeing each other, she reached out to me again. We ended up texting for about two days, and the conversation became heavily flirtatious. She also suggested that we should see each other again, which made me realize I’m actually still interested in her.

The complication is that when she reached out, I had literally just boarded a flight for a 4-5 week trip in the Middle East, so I told her I was leaving for vacation. Since that last exchange, it’s now been 6 days with no contact, but I also haven’t texted her.

Now I’m overthinking the situation. I noticed her WhatsApp profile photo disappeared, which made me wonder whether she deleted my contact or lost interest. At the same time, she was the one who initiated contact after 6 weeks, so part of me thinks if she wanted to keep talking, she could text me again. But another part of me wonders whether, since she already made the first move, she may now be expecting me to show initiative.

Because I’m still away for another 4 weeks, I’m unsure what’s considered normal here. If someone is genuinely interested in reconnecting with a potential match, is it expected that they stay in touch even while traveling, or is it perfectly normal for communication to pause until they’re back?

I keep finding myself drawn to the same kind of man. Not obviously bad at first. Charming, confident, intelligent, good on paper, a little dominant, creative, visual, yet somehow controlling types. Not obviously bad, but some of them definitely disrespectful , boundary crossing and low empathy.

Somewhere along the way, the dynamic shifts. They are into me and then they suddenly test boundaries. They pull away when I ask for basic respect. They make me feel like I'm the problem for wanting clarity or kindness. They back off when I lean in, they do not say back I like you or love you. They devaluate me with small degrading comments and leave me hanging with nothing, and they never chase me or want me back because they literally do not care. The hardest part is, I cannot identify why they do it, they are slipping out of my fingers and are gone, not reachable. I never had a guy who said stop, wait, I care about you, why are you feeling like that, I want to understand. I always felt like a function or a project or the weird one they have to distance themselves from.

I know the theory. Attachment styles. Trauma bonds. Red flags. I've been to therapy. I can name the pattern. But I can't seem to feel my way out of it. When they pull away, I panic. When they reject me, I feel worthless. When they're hot and cold, I get hooked. I am jealous af when I think about the next woman who gets treated better by him or the woman he suddenly commits to for years. I do not text them, I am very stubborn with that, but it kills me inside.

I don't want to spend another year crying over a man who was never truly kind to me.

So my question is for the women who have actually broken this cycle , not just intellectually, but emotionally and behaviorally:

What concrete, ugly, hard-earned steps actually worked for you to stop being attracted to them and put them off the pedestal?

How did you stop your brain from obsessing over them?

How did you stop interpreting their silence as a statement about your value?

I really need a roadmap. I am so sick and tired of feeling that way.

Anyone here traded a good-paying job for a lower-paying job back in their home country?

I moved back to Switzerland after my dad passed away because my mum lives here, and financially it made a lot of sense. I can save a lot of money, my job pays well, and objectively my life is “stable.”

But mentally, I just don’t feel like I fit into the culture here. Every day I wake up feeling like I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to go to my job, deal with customers, or even think about work. And the worst part is that I don’t think it’s really about the job itself anymore.

It feels more like the environment I’m living in. Even if I had a “better” job, I think I would still feel this same emptiness. I feel trapped, like I’m living in a cage. If the environment around me felt right, I honestly think I could tolerate a less impressive job and still be happier overall.

I’ve even talked to a psychologist, and while it helped in some ways, this lingering feeling that I’m simply not in the right place never really goes away.

I’ve tried making friends and dating here, but I still feel lonely and disconnected. I miss home a lot.

The thing is, I know what I’d be giving up if I left. I’m not talking about moving somewhere with extremely low salaries like Spain or Italy, but more to places like Germany, Denmark, or the Netherlands, countries where I’d probably earn and save less than in Switzerland, but maybe feel more alive or at peace mentally.

For people who made a similar decision:
Did earning less but living somewhere you actually wanted to be make you happier? Did it feel like a weight was lifted? Or did financial pressure eventually make things worse?

Is financial freedom more important than mental health in the long run? And if you stayed and suffered through it, what has helped you to feel more connected to yourself? I feel like super empty here , mentally under stimulated, emotional connection and excitement is missing. Where I live, the streets are empty after 7 pm, the houses are quiet, there is no life and it feels very sterile to me but I also cannot afford to move to Zurich city center so I have to stay where I am for right now.

Would really appreciate hearing honest experiences.

I’m in a bit of a dilemma and could really use some outside perspective.

I’m German and recently started a new job in Zurich, Switzerland. On paper, my situation is great: I work in the service industry, earn around €4,000/month, and because I live with one of my parents, my expenses are very low. I contribute 600 Euros to the rent/food and around 400 Euros health insurance, which means I can save about €3,000 every month and I have to deduct around 14 percent taxes in Quellensteuer, which is not a lot at all. I know how privileged that is.

But mentally, I’m struggling a lot here.

I just don’t feel like I fit in. The culture feels very stiff to me, and I often clash with people without meaning to. It feels like the complete opposite of my personality. What makes it more confusing is that I actually grew up here for many years, but I’m also German, and now I don’t really feel at home in either place. In Switzerland I feel like an outsider, but in Germany I don’t feel fully “at home” either. It’s like I don’t quite belong anywhere.

People here keep telling me I’d be crazy to leave Switzerland. Financially, they’re probably right. If I moved back to Germany, I’d likely earn much less (maybe ~€15/hour plus tips in a café), while dealing with higher rent and fewer opportunities to save.

The thing is: my long-term dream is to open my own café. Staying in Switzerland for another 2–3 years would realistically allow me to save enough money to make that happen.

So I feel stuck between two options:

• Stay in Switzerland, keep saving aggressively, but continue feeling miserable socially and culturally. It feels like I am losing time and wasting it somewhere where I do not want to be.
• Move back to Germany, earn less, save less (or not at all), but potentially feel more comfortable and “myself”.

Has anyone been in a similar situation, choosing between financial opportunity and mental well-being? How did you decide?

I’d really appreciate any thoughts.

Hi everyone

I recently got a new job in the service industry and have been asked to complete 3 training days (about 7 hours each). I already did a trial day, which was unpaid, and now these training days would add up to around 21 hours total, roughly CHF 500 worth of work.

I’m wondering if this is normal in Switzerland, or if employers are generally required to pay for training time like this? It feels like a lot of unpaid work, so I just want to understand what’s typical or legally expected.

Has anyone experienced something similar or knows how this usually works?

Thanks in advance!

Hi everyone

I have a question for EU citizens working in Switzerland or anyone with HR experience here.

I’ve recently been through several interviews and have been invited to a few trial days. During the process, no one asked about my citizenship. I think they may have assumed I’m Swiss since my mother is Swiss but I actually did not even write that on my CV , I wrote that I have a Dutch citizenship and they might have overlooked that...

I know that I need to apply for a work permit and register with the Gemeinde/Migrationsamt. I’ve heard from other EU citizens that the permit process can take a few weeks. However, when I contacted the Migrationsamt, they told me that as an EU citizen I’m allowed to start working immediately and submit the work permit later to my employer. Does anyone know if that is practiced in real life as well?

In interviews, I was asked when I could start, and they clearly prefer someone who can start right away. I said yes, but I didn’t mention that I don’t yet have the work permit finalized as I can only get a work permit with a work contract. Now I’m unsure how to handle this:

- Should I go to the trial days first and bring it up afterward?

- Or should I clarify the situation now, even if it risks them not moving forward with my application?

Has anyone been in a similar situation? How did it work out for you? Thanks in advance!