u/ProteinPrnxss

I’m at my wits end. My ex (we were never married) is using our co-parenting app to constantly flood me with hostility, and every single notification gives me physical anxiety. I pay for his app subscription as it was the ONLY way to get him to use it (in hopes that it would stop his volatile and harassing communications)… recently police warned him to stop harassing my personal phone (we’ve been using the app for about 6 months now) as he used it to send me links to Facebook reels that are about “abusive female communication in relationships”. Direct phone texting stopped, but police now say their hands are tied because his app messages do not contain physical threats… yet he sent me 21+ harassing messages the day after he was warned by police.

I stick strictly to the BIFF method for basic child logistics. Whenever I set a calm boundary or do not reply instantly, he sends 20+ messages in a row accusing me of abuse, punishing him, and harming our child. He refuses to just call our son during normal hours, claiming that he needs me to provide a set time to talk “because I actually work, unlike you”, and then tells our boy directly that "Mommy won't let daddy talk to you."… when I literally state that he is always welcome to call during normal waking hours and if it makes him more comfortable, he is welcome to send a message first to confirm our son is up to talking.

He is also weirdly obsessed with my husband, stalking his social media and sending messages accusing my husband of secretly typing my replies… he’s even sent screenshots of my husband with his own son talking about “maybe next time you’ll involve our son in family photos”… when it was literally just a photo they took in our backyard.

Additional context, my husband and I met while my ex was in jail for assaulting me (charges were dropped for a reason unknown to me), and my ex falsely blames my husband for our breakup. I left simply because I was done with our toxic dynamic, especially since I found out I was pregnant the day after he was put in jail. My husband is a saint who stays completely out of co parenting, but this constant drama impacts our whole household… and has been happening for 5 years now…

I am not trying to cut his parenting time. I just need peace and stability for my son. I’m stuck in that middle class gap where my husband earns too much for me to get legal aid help… but cannot drop thousands on an attorney retainer right now.

Basically, it seems like I need to handle this pro se, but I am lost on the legal process.

What exact paperwork or motion do I need to file with the family court to get this in front of a judge and make the harassment stop or at least get modifications in place to set limits on messages or communication?

TL;DR: After receiving two police warnings, bio-mom was advised by police to stop texting my husband's personal phone and to use co-parenting app exclusively to avoid harassment charges. However, the harassment just continued within the app in the form of rapid-fire text flurries, false claims of "abuse" when non-immediate responses occur and/or communication boundaries are set, and demand-cycling. Our current court decree only specifies standard texting (and no messages with intent to harass,annoy, etc). We make too much money for free legal aid but don't have thousands sitting around for a full attorney retainer. How do we petition the court pro se / on a budget to legally mandate the app AND establish enforceable messaging rules?

Post Body:
Looking for advice on how family court judges handle high-conflict co-parents who use monitored apps to conduct psychological games, false abuse narratives, and message-flooding—especially when navigating the court process pro se or on a budget.

Background & Current Situation:
Current Court Decree: Our existing order only specifies standard text messaging for parent-to-parent communication regarding minor child with mutual restraining order prohibiting harassment/abuse/annoying the other parent.

Informal App Switch: Due to years of off-app text harassment, we did push to move all communication to a monitored co-parenting app and my husband has ONLY used that platform since (she has sent harassing direct text messages to his phone that he does not respond to). We pay her monthly subscription fee so there are zero financial barriers.

Police Intervention: After she repeatedly sent harassing texts and social media links to my husband's personal phone, law enforcement issued her two separate warnings to keep all communication strictly on the app or else she may face Electronic Harassment Charges.

The Result: Off-app texting stopped completely, but the high-conflict behavior simply migrated 100% into the app. Police were updated but stated that as long as her exorbitant amount of messages (21 over the course of 30 minutes after being asked to stop) are not threatening violence and stay on the app, their hands are tied and they cannot charge.

Current Pattern of Behavior on the App: Instead of using the platform for simple child logistics, she uses it to cycle through high-conflict narratives:

1. Demand-Cycling Around Phone Calls: Even when my husband explicitly states she is free to call the child during normal waking hours, she refuses to call and sends multiple texts claiming she is "too scared" to call without real-time written permission, then turns around and accuses him of withholding the child.
2. False Accusations & Guilt-Tripping: If he doesn't reply instantly, she sends rapid-fire text flurries (10 to 15+ messages in a row) accusing him of "abuse," "punishing her and the child," and "hurting the child".
3. Late-Night Text Barrages: She frequently declares she is "done messaging for the night," only to send multiple follow-up texts late into the evening making demands, making false accusations, or criticizing his parenting.

The Financial Trap & Our Plan: We find ourselves in the middle-class legal trap: we earn too much to qualify for legal aid, but we don't have thousands of dollars lying around for a traditional attorney retainer. We are needing to now what course of action to take to formally mandate the co-parenting app in our decree and establish strict messaging parameters, such as a cap on daily communication limits and a very clear scope of allowed communication.

Questions for the Community:
Enforceable App Rules: Has anyone successfully secured court orders with strict communication parameters (e.g., maximum daily message caps, explicit rules for phone call windows without requiring real-time text confirmations, or strict non-emergency response windows)?
Handling App Badgering in Court: How do family court judges view a parent who repeatedly types loaded buzzwords ("abuse," "punishing," "scared") into a court-monitored app simply because the other parent sets calm boundaries or doesn't reply in real-time?
Evidence Formatting for Pro Se Filings: What is the cleanest, most effective way to present exported app transcripts to a judge/commissioner to highlight a pattern of demand-cycling and message-flooding without overwhelming them?

Thanks for any insights or advice!

I was diagnosed with CIU about a year ago, the allergist told me to just keep taking 2 allergy pills in the morning and 2 at night since it kept my symptoms at bay… but if I forgot even a single dose, I was breaking out in hives.

Then I went to a dermatologist for my rosacea… and told him about the above situation. He prescribed me Emrosi, and a topical compound medication for the rosacea and then also prescribed me Emrosi.

Well, it took about 6 weeks, but my hives chilled out. As in… completely gone. I didn’t feel as foggy as I did on the antihistamines… or unmedicated.

Well, I changed jobs recently… and I JUST got my insurance info so that I can go to my doctor and get everything handled… so I’ve been off the meds for a week.

I’m realizing that it not only helped my hives, but helped with my nightly headaches, my nausea, bloating after eating ANYTHING basically… and now my rosacea is flaring severely again.

So now I’ve rabbit-holed and am curious about going to an MCAS specialist.

For timeline reference: I am a 30yr old woman.

2020: started experiencing rosacea flares
2021: diagnosed with type 2 rosacea
2021/2022: 2 miscarriages and 1 ectopic pregnancy/rupture… and an abusive relationship
2022: diagnosed with ADHD - also start bloating worse than ever. Painfully distended after eating small portions of udon/so many other things
2023: start breaking out in hives for what seemed like no reason
2024: diagnosed with CIU/dermatographia
2025: get called out for my “plague legs” livedo reticularis… find out it’s not normal and that my hands/feet turning purple-y when I’m cold isn’t normal… nor is my hands/feet getting hot, red, and swollen when going from freezing temps outside to room temp indoors.

Idek what else to put in here other than getting lightheaded when standing too quickly and that I have chronic monthly yeast infections (since 2021… and yes, it sucks)… oh! And my tryptase was tested, but after I took an antihistamine… so idk if that changes anything?

That being said, anyone with a similar story? Was it MCAS… was it something else? Am I just plain crazy and it’s just hives?