u/ProverbialArteries

I’m a poor poor student, who seems to have misplaced my laptop charger. Ransacking the house, and of course its while I’m doing job applications I can’t find the charger. 🫠

If anyone has a spare one they’re looking/willing to let go, I’ll come to you - anywhere in Van/lower mainland (I can drive, share a family car.)

I can offer seeds, some light gardening help, small tasks like this.

Thanks so much Nice Van!

Edit: found my charger (and my wallet, lol!)

Will delete in a couple days!

Hello Chinese reddit!

Edit: apologies, it seems Reddit will not fix my formatting corrections. Written on mobile.

My lovely neighbour, Tim, who’s been my next door neighbour since I was a small kid, passed away a couple days ago and my family has been invited to his funeral, burial, and celebration of life.

I wish I thought to ask Chinese/Asian reddit sooner. 🥲

A couple things - I do believe my neighbours are Chinese, I’m in Vancouver and grew up alongside Vietnamese, Thai, Filipino etc - the language I heard sounds more Chinese then any of those other cultures mentioned but I do not know for sure.

We got our invite a bit last minute otherwise I would have reached out to Tim’s son Johnny sooner and just asked him what would be appropriate to wear etc.

No idea if Canto or Mandarin.
They are pretty rich - new cars every 5 years, nice grand spiral staircase in the foyer of the house. We live in Vancouver, Canada, in a quieter, family oriented neighborhood.

I’m not sure what religion the family may follow, if any. The sons don’t wear any jade Buddha (some of my Vietnamese friends growing up always had theirs on) and from what I’ve seen no crosses either. I’ll be finding out more tmrw regardless.

So, questions: (most have been answered in the comments, but feel free to add on/educate me further. Thank you all again!)

1. What colours to wear? Western funerals = black, professional/somber clothes. One of my fave novels is Shanghai Girls by Lisa See & in that (fiction) novel I learned white = death in Chinese culture. I know red/gold etc is joyful colours, so my brain says to not wear any of those. Sensible shoes, nothing flashy -

is professional

1. Wester

n attire

1. appropriate for a white family attending an Asian funeral?

3. Anything to avoid doing, anything to do? I assume no loudness, large displays of emotion - Tim was in poor health this last year or so, and fell a handful of times, so this passing was no

t

1. unexpected. I have no idea how old he was, I’m assuming 80s/90s and beyond. I don’t know what Tim did for work, nor do I know what his children do for work.

3. Are there any gifts in particular one should bring for the “patriarch” assumedly? I know he is a grandfather as well.

May, Tim’s wife & mum to his kids, was also a cherished person who passed on (two years ago over Xmas.) When she passed, I noticed Tim put out a mandarin in the far right corner of his property, where the cars are by the road. Should I do something like that for Tim, an offering plate of some sort (we do this in my culture.)
When May passed I brought over orchids and a moon cake (she used to bring our households mooncakes all the time, will never forget you based May! 💜🥲) I think I will go to our local Asian bakery and bring a mooncake over, in the evening, as well as some fruit & a bouquet from our garden.

Some Tim & May stories:

The day I connected closer with Tim for the first time - I was in highschool, grade 10 or so. My parents are divorced and I was lucky enough to live with both of them, but there would be times I’d forget things at parent A or B’s house when we’d switch weeks. I’d forgotten my house keys 🫠. I was in the process of shimmying through our kitchen window when Tim saw me and called me over to the fence, he had a small stool with him. He was giggling at me but he saved me, lol! I got through, unlocked the door, and brought the stool back over thanking him profusely. From then on, whenever we’d see each other, my family and his, we’d wave and sometimes have a small chat. He never spoke English to me but we’d share fruits/veg (he always gave us overflow tomatoes at the end of the season and we’d share greens, grapes, apples, and plums were appreciated. Our tomatoes never did as well as his lol!)

Edit: He’d quite frequently come around and fix the fence for us as needed.

May story: whenever we’d offer fruit or flowers from the garden, May would bring by mooncakes - we have a local bakery that supplies. I had my first taste of durian this way, lol! (Quite delish, the scent was not too bad!)

Thanks all. Any tips greatly appreciated. Going to continue googling in the meantime!

Ok - based off comments, here’s my plan.

Attire - A black professional top, or grey button down. Tan or black (preferable) office pants. Black coat, black cleaned and shined boots (Blundstone style of boot. Most professional shoe I have currently, unfortunately. My mum may have some loafers to borrow, we’ll see.) Combed hair, in a low bun with clip. I may wear some small earrings, hoops. Nothing gaudy or red/colourful.

Bringing:

1. White envelope and odd amount of money for the family, I’ll run to the bank in the morning to grab this. Will make sure amount doesn’t have 4’s in jt and ends with 1

and no consecutive numbers. I’m thinking $51.
2.

1. White, but not all white, bouquet to bring as an offering/for family.
2. In the evening/after celebration, I’ll bring by a moon cake & fruits from our garden and arrange it nicely. I think I will include a little letter thanking them again for inviting us.

I’m prepared to bow, follow cues, etc. We won’t be able to attend the burial or celebration of life dinner after (2/3 of us have work commitments, but we’re able to schedule later start times.)

I have noticed the front porch lights have remained on since Tim’s passing (I believe.) I will not be overly jolly/celebratory, until/unless Tim’s family initiates.

I’ll comment with any thoughts after, if any of you are interested. Thank you all so so much, these comments have helped ease some worries of mine!

Hello Dovahs!

My mom and I share a ps4. My problem is, she doesn’t play for months, and then comes in and destroys my load order, deletes a bunch of mods etc, I’m not sure if I’m loading my character in wrong and hitting the wrong button to try and keep my OG list but its effed my characters a number of times.

Am I dumb, do profiles on Playstation share mod folders? Can I have mine separate from hers?

🐉