u/Prudence_rigby

Hello,

I have 6 bring-a-friend "tickets" if anyone wants to go to dorney parl tomorrow.

We will meet at the entrance @ noon.

Message me and I will confirm

Not participating in my graduation ceremony.

Yes, I’m in my 40s graduating with my Associate’s degree. I know to some people it’s “just” an Associate’s, but this was important to me.

I’ve been talking about this for months. We discussed the logistics over and over the last few weeks.

We now live 2 hours from my college. My husband works 45 minutes from the college and about 2.5 hours from our house.

The plan was simple:

I leave early around 11am to get my hair done, then drive to our old house (we’re still cleaning it out before turning it over) to finish getting ready. I also needed time to meet with a professor and pick up things for a summer course before graduation events started.

Meanwhile, my husband was supposed to leave work early, get the kids a little early from school, and drive them down with enough buffer time so nobody was stressed or rushing.

After graduation, we were all going to go eat Italian food together, leave my car there, drive home as a family, then come back Saturday to finish cleaning the house and spend the weekend by the beach.

Easy.

Except suddenly he tells me he can’t leave work early anymore and wants me to take the kids with me, leave them at the rental for him to pick up, and then they would meet me at graduation instead. AND EVEN THEN THAT WOULDN'T WORK.

Two of the kids are on a field trip and wouldn’t even be back at school until around 1-2pm. So now instead of having time to calmly get ready for something important to me, I’d be rushing around stressed, sweaty, fighting kids to get dressed, missing my professor meeting, and trying not to be late to my own graduation.

So I finally just said forget it.

And he got frustrated with me.

My oldest then said he wouldn’t go to his formal if I wasn’t going to my graduation. I told him those are two very different things and he does not get to miss important events because of me. But honestly, it broke my heart a little that he even felt the need to say it.

And honestly? I’m hurt.

Because this was important to me.

Not important in a “once in a lifetime prestigious achievement” kind of way. Important because this was mine.

This was the first thing I’ve really had for myself outside of motherhood. The thing that finally got the ball rolling for me and my future after years of prioritizing everybody else’s schedules, careers, schools, promotions, and life events first.

A few years ago, we talked about finally focusing on my education and future career now that the kids were older. We talked about him taking over more with the kids, meals, house stuff, all of it, so I could focus more on school without carrying the mental load of everything all the time.

And he did. For a while.

Then he started his Master’s program not long after.

So once again, I ended up picking up the slack around work, life, kids, and school while still trying to pursue my own education too.

He finished his Master’s a couple weeks ago. We couldn’t attend his graduation because it was across the country, but we still celebrated him here. I ordered his cap and tassel, planned dinner, got gifts, made it special because it mattered.

And this one mattered to me.

Especially because in 2 weeks he leaves for 2 years for work. We’ll visit each other, but realistically I’m about to be handling the house, kids, and continuing university mostly on my own while trying to build my future too.

This Associate’s degree may not look huge to other people, but to me it symbolized the beginning of something bigger. I start university in the fall. If all goes well, law school after that.

This was the thing that got the ball rolling for me.

And before Reddit does the usual “divorce him/he’s horrible” thing, that’s not what this is. He’s not a deadbeat husband or father. He is an idiot human.

I’m still allowed to be hurt that the one thing that was supposed to be prioritized for me ended up becoming another situation where I was expected to rearrange myself around everyone else.

I’m sad. I’m upset. I’m hurt.

There’s no reason for some huge argument either because realistically he thinks it’s stupid that I’m missing my graduation too. He hates when I martyr myself.

But seriously wtf else am I supposed to do?

I honestly would have rather had the heartbreak last week instead of today.

Hi.

I need 1 ticket for the 7pm ceremony. I will pay $20.