u/PsalmbodyToLove90

I want to preface this by saying I love my partner, he’s amazing and a wonderful dad.

Can men just not? Please 🙏🏻

Our LO is 14 weeks today, it’s been a rough journey as I have severe PPD that hospitalised me 8 days PP because of SI, PTSD from her birth, and a condition which means I cannot BF.

My partner WFH 07:00 - 15:00, and mostly sleeps in the other room when we’re not in a heatwave (we have aircon in our room). I do all the night feeds Sun-Thursday, and we split Fri & Sat.

I find parenting difficult because I‘m an 8-9 hours a night kinda person, but our daughter has a low sleep need. she still wakes a lot during the night, sometimes for feeding and sometimes for comfort.

Usually, when my partner finishes work, he will take an hour to himself, and then we both parent for the evening until she goes to bed around 9-10pm and then she’s mine for the night. Most nights, my partner will want to go out for a walk on his own for an hour or two, or have a long bath, or game for the evening on his own. So most evenings, it’s me on my own.

Over the past 34 weeks, I’ve slept through 1 night, and that’s because I was medicated when I went to A&E as I hadn’t slept in over 24hrs.

I’ve noticed more and more recently, I can solo parent for 24-48 hours alone before I get a break to myself. I don’t get to shower until she goes down for her first nap around 9:30-10ish. Though sometimes I can just put her in her bouncer and take her into the bathroom with me.

This evening, I asked for a couple of hours to myself so I could sort something out. That’s usually the way of my alone time is sorting stuff, pumping, sterilising bottles/dummies, cleaning etc.

He took over from me at 7pm, baring in mind, he slept in the other room last night. He was complaining that he was tired so could only give me an hour (I took 2 anyway because fugg it!). I told him she needed a bath tonight as we bathe her every other night. I went downstairs just after 9, he’s sat in the dark, she’s asleep on her play mat just in her vest from today, and he’s told me she’s not had a bath.

We have a changing station downstairs which has a built in bath underneath the mat. When I bathed her the other day, I asked him to empty it out for me but he forgot and so did I. So when he came to bathe her this evening, the water is still in it. He’s made a big thing about having to clean it out so he didn’t bathe her this evening. But he’s not put her in a sleep suit or done anything else either and he’s complaining about how stressed he is.

I’ve just spent the last couple of hours organising and cleaning/tidying and now have a night shift in front of me. but he’s going to wake up tomorrow saying he’s tired.

Any time I bring up how tired I am, that I’m struggling or that I’m sore/still not fully recovered from 42weeks of pregnancy, a 17 hour labour and a cat b c section, he says “it’s not a competition”

I love him to pieces but please, give me a fucking break!

Does anyone else really struggle with their MH during their period?

For context, I’m 13w pp FTM. I had a PP bleed of 6.5w and then started my period 9 days later which lasted for 18 days. My total cycle was 37 days, I had 3 weeks between periods. I’m now day 3 of my next period and bleeding through a super absorption tampon, my underwear and trousers every 3 hours (I have to change my tampon every 2 hours).

I have PPD and PTSD from my daughter’s birth and I’m on 50mg of Sertraline daily. My mood started to dip late last week, but today it’s plummeted to rock bottom. I’ve fallen back into the pit of “they would be better off without me”

has anyone else suffered with this?

TW: PPD/PPP, death/murder

I wanted to talk about this here because I think it’s important for people to know.

Hearing about the Lindsay Clancy case, and especially listening to her diary entries being read out in court, is heartbreaking.

Reading the comments from other mothers, I see so much recognition and solidarity. So many women understand just how vulnerable the postpartum period can be. It also makes me think about how many opportunities there were for someone to step in before tragedy unfolded. Lindsay Clancy was failed by so many people, and especially her husband.

It would take a man over 120 years to experience the same drop in hormones that a woman experiences in the first 48 hours after giving birth. And that's only the beginning of the physical, emotional, and hormonal changes that continue throughout the postpartum period.

Sleep-deprived mothers are in one of the most vulnerable stages of their lives. Looking back over the last 12 weeks, I've had just one full night's sleep, and that was only because I was medicated after going to A&E with suicidal thoughts a week after my daughter was born.

Postpartum depression and postpartum psychosis still aren't talked about enough. They are life threatening illnesses, not personal failings. I'm incredibly fortunate to have had a loving partner who stood beside me during my darkest days, in-laws who held my daughter so I could sleep, and a community midwife who went above and beyond (even on her day off) to make sure I was safe and getting the help I needed.

Being diagnosed with postpartum depression and PTSD following the birth of my daughter has completely changed how I'll show up for friends who become mothers. Because babies need their mums, and mums need the people around them to step up.

I absolutely adore my daughter, and I’m sure Lindsay Clancy could‘ve said the same about her children. Loving your children doesn't make someone immune to severe mental illness. That's why we need to take maternal mental health seriously, recognise the warning signs, and make sure mothers get the support they need before they reach a crisis point.

Please contact your midwife team if you’re struggling or go to A&E. If you’re prone to MH issues, make sure your partner and loved ones know what to look out for. I started on antidepressants when my daughter was about 4w. I’ve always refused them in the past. But I was so scared that at some point I might be so sick I would hurt her without meaning to. Have the numbers you need ready and to hand before you need them.

This is just a rant because I'm so frustrated right now, and my partner keeps shrugging it off by saying, "this is your battle."

We had our daughter in May. She's the fifth grandchild on my side of the family and the second on my partner's. By coincidence, she was born on my dad's birthday, which he absolutely loves. My parents adore her, just as they adore my brother's children.

The problem is that I've had issues with my parents for years, particularly my mum, when it comes to them ignoring my boundaries. It's only been over the last few years that I've become more assertive about enforcing them, which they hate. Since having my daughter, it's become even more of an issue.

A couple of weeks ago, I shared a photo of my daughter in our family group chat during an England match. My dad put the photo into ChatGPT and had it edit her sleepsuit into an England shirt. I immediately asked him not to do that. To be fair, he deleted the image from the chat and from ChatGPT, but his argument was that because he pays for ChatGPT, her image was "locked down" and no one else could see it. That completely misses the point.

Then this morning I video-called my parents with my daughter. Without asking, my dad took a screenshot during the call and posted it to his Instagram Story. It's not even a private account, it's his public work profile. I've messaged him asking him to take it down, but he hasn't seen the message yet.

I've explained repeatedly that while she's a child, it's mine and my partner's decision what, if anything, gets posted online. I've shared the occasional photo myself, but my Instagram is private, I've only posted about three pictures since she was born, and none of them show her face. One is just the back of her wearing a cardigan that says "Cuddle Me."

Part of the reason I feel so strongly about this is that I used to work in machine learning training LLMs for a global company, so I understand how these systems work. More broadly, once images are freely available online, you lose control over where they end up or who might access them. It also contributes to her digital footprint, and I don't believe it's my decision to make whether her face exists online before she's old enough to decide for herself. I've explained all of this to my dad, and yet he's still ignored what I've asked.

This isn't even a new conversation. When I was pregnant, I told my parents we didn't want photos of our daughter's face posted online and explained why. My mum responded with, "Except when she's born so I can post a photo, and obviously in family photos too." I told her no. My dad just laughed and brought up my brother's boundaries around his own children, boundaries they've ignored as well.

I'm just so angry. I know my postnatal depression and PTSD from her birth probably aren't helping how frustrated I feel, but I also don't think I'm being unreasonable.

What makes it worse is that my mum has this attitude of, "By the time I was your age, I had three children and a business and I coped." The reality is she didn't cope. She had postnatal depression after I was born. My eldest brother remembers it and has told me how horrid it was, and even my dad has said she didn't cope at all.

On top of that, my dad has told my partner that I'm "playing for an audience" and that I was "indoctrinated into wokeness" because I went to art school. Instead of respecting a perfectly reasonable boundary about my own child, they've dismissed my concerns and made me out to be the problem.

I'm exhausted by constantly having to defend the same boundaries over and over again. It isn't about Instagram, ChatGPT, or being "woke." It's about respecting me as my daughter's parent and accepting that decisions about her privacy belong to me and my partner, not to anyone else.

bit of a rogue post so please delete if not apt. Just to preface this - I am a Christian but I’m very much ’live and let live’ like you do you and live your life, love is love (if that makes sense).

Back in 2016, I met a girl on a plane. We were sat next to each other and started chatting on the flight to Madrid - both solo travellers. We became best friends and I was bridesmaid at her wedding in the Philippines.

I lived in East Anglia at the time and she lived in East London then moved to Berkshire with her husband. I moved to the West Midlands a couple of years ago.

I would visit her frequently, go down there for days out etc. When her sister unexpectedly died, I was down there the next day, when she had her son a couple of years ago I went down and cleaned her house so she could rest. She was having a hard time so I surprised her by randomly rocking up to her church one Sunday and then took her out for lunch. Things like that which friends do for each other.

When I moved in with my now fiance, she didn’t say it outright, but didn’t really approve. I tried to keep communication going but just figured that she was busy with life. Then last august (before I found out I was pregnant), I had tried reaching out again and she messaged me saying she didn’t want to be friends anymore - saying that she feels like I’ve not been there for her. I cried to my partner about it because I had tried so much, and he pointed out that I was constantly going down to see her and she rarely returned the effort (in 8 years before I moved in with my partner, she visited me 5x). I didn’t reply and just left it.

I‘ve since got engaged and we’ve had our daughter. I’ve also seen online that she’s had another child.

Part of me wants to contact her and congratulate her on the birth of her daughter - I think she’s a couple of weeks older than my daughter.

Theres been a part of me since finding out I was pregnant that wanted to message her, but I didn’t. She was the person I shared all of life with. That being said, when I had a miscarriage in 2024, I didn’t tell her at all - she never knew I was pregnant. I was worried about the judgement.

I want to contact her, but I’m not sure how it would be received. My fiance says why not. But I’m battling PPD at the moment (I’m now medicated).

What would you do?

Edit for context: I’ve been with my partner for 4.5y. I had a miscarriage in March ’24, moved across country and in with him in May 2024, engaged Nov ‘25, Daughter born May ‘26

I genuinely feel that woman shouldn’t get their period for a minimum of 12 weeks after having a baby - it seems like a design flaw.

I finished pp bleeding around 6 and a half weeks, and my period started 9 days later. I thought I was going to faint I felt so rough. I was nauseous and dizzy, and in a lot of pain with leg cramps.

I assume it’s iron deficiency - I lost a pint of blood during my emergency c section which apparently is average. My day 5 midwife told me I would feel a bit rough because of the blood loss for about a year.

I combi feed my daughter because I’ve got raynauds in my nipples, so I pump a but have a low supply. I know bf mothers dont usually get their periods until later.

I have a 7w old, and I’m trying to get her into a routine at the moment for bedtime as I’m desperate for longer stretches of sleep. She clearly isnt thought, which isn’t the end of the world. My issue is 3am.

I bath her (every other day) around 9pm, get her in her pjs, story and feed and she settles around 10/10:30. From there she goes through until about 1ish, though she actually managed to get to 2am the other night. She will the wake for a feed which takes 45-60mins. I only change her nappy if it’s heavy wet or dirty. She then goes down until about 3am. From that point, she only wants to sleep on me. She’s not fully awake, as her eyes arent open, she doesn’t want a full feed just a top up (we have increased her feed from advice from our early years practitione). She will thrash around and cry with her eyes closed in her next2me, but KO as soon as she’s on me. If I put her down, she starts up again.

Has anyone else had this? What did you do?

I’m 6 weeks pp with our beautiful baby girl. Let me preface this by saying that I love her dearly, and I would do anything for her, she’s adorable and is smiling now which just rings me such joy.

That being said, my partner and I are arguing constantly. He WFH and I’m battling PP depression. Before getting pregnant (she’s an ooopsie baby), I needed 8-9 hours a night, now I’m running off of a broken 4 on a good night so I know that’s adding to the stress of everything.

But if I knew it would be this hard, I wouldn’t have had her. She was delivered by emergency c section after 17 hours of induced labour and I found the whole thing pretty traumatic. We live near the hospital, so whenever we drive past it on the way home, I have a wave of panic come over me.

I sometimes look at her and think “she’s not my baby” like I knew I was pregnant for 9 and a half months but I don’t feel like she’s my baby.

I feel such guilt all the time, my partner is angry because I decided to go on antidepressants (I was very against them before but I had a really rough night with her and I was worried I would turn on her so I started to take them), I’m seeing a perinatal MH nurse, and an early years practitioner to help with bonding. But I just exist as a function right now. And because I’m now past the 6 week mark, my partner thinks I should be fully recovered from her birth.

Please someone tell me when it gets easier. Has anyone had a similar experience and doesnt now regret having a baby? Do you and your partner look back and laugh about arguments now?

Has anyone experienced a loss of being able to smell postpartum?

I had my first 6 weeks ago via emergency c section, and so much of my body is messed up at the moment. But since having her, I’ve completely lost my sense of smell. I’ve never been able to smell her head, I cannot smell dirty nappies, and I cannot smell of a Muslin is old/fresh or if she smells of stale milk.

if you had this too, what did you do to get it back?

If you have/had PND and we’re prescribed Sertraline, how did you find it?

I’ve had depression before but I’ve always refused antidepressants. With a baby added into the mix, I’m just not coping, and the lack of sleep feels violating. She will be 4 weeks tomorrow, and I’ve started self harming. I’ve never taken them before so idk what to expect other than it’ll take 6 weeks for them to build up in my system.

If you’ve had them, how did you find them? Did you find they had an impact on baby if you’re breastfeeding/pumping?

If you have/had PND and we’re prescribed Sertraline, how did you find it?

I’ve had depression before but I’ve always refused antidepressants. With a baby added into the mix, I’m just not coping, and the lack of sleep feels violating. She will be 4 weeks tomorrow, and I’ve started self harming. I’ve never taken them before so idk what to expect other than it’ll take 6 weeks for them to build up in my system.

If you’ve had them, how did you find them? Did you find they had an impact on baby if you’re breastfeeding/pumping?

How long did it take you to bond with baby?

I’m a FTM, and she was born via emergency c section 2 weeks ago. I’m really struggling with the fact that everyone except for me seems to have bonded with her. My fiancee was pretty much immediately once she was out. Everyone loves and dotes on her which is wonderful, but I just feel like I’m here just to keep her alive essentially. I’m not breast feeding as I’ve got 2 medical conditions which mean I cannot, though i did try for 5 days before being told it just wouldn’t happen for us - so that’s hindered our bond I feel. Im still doing skin to skin, talking to her, caring for her etc.

I just don’t know how to bond with her.

C Section mums, does anyone have any tips or tricks on how to make Inhixa jabs suck less? I’m on them for 6 weeks (grim!) and they’re quite painful, leave a bruise and bleed quite a bit. I look like a self harming pin cushion at the moment.

I’m 40+4 today (Monday), and I’m feeling incredibly deflated and low. I had an attempted sweep yesterday (40+3), but my midwife couldn’t get my cervix as it’s too high.

I also had an attempted sweep at 39+6 but she couldn’t get it then either. I’ve got another 2 attempts at a sweep at 40+6 and 41+2, but I’ve also got an induction booked for 41+5. I’m desperate to avoid induction. My hospital will only do them as inpatient, and the prenatal unit isn’t very pleasant (plus it’s kept at 29°, and I have a horrific heat tolerance - I’ve got a fan packed in my hospital bag)

I know I cannot force Labour to start, but I’ve tried all things to encourage it - curb walking, yoga ball, inverted stretching, raspberry leaf tea, sex, and I’ve got some dates now too. I’ve tried nipple stimulation, and tried to harvest colostrum but to no luck.

I’ve also turned off my whatsapp notifications because I had 8 messages yesterday asking “are you in Labour?“ “what’s happening?” “is she here yet?” which is just stressing me out. my fiancée has told his family to back off, and I’ve told mine that we will update them if anything happens. It‘s just stressing me out so much that it’s not helping, so I’m trying to create an oxytocin bubble instead.

I know FT usually goes over, but seeing people who had a further due date than me have their babies already is also adding to it. I’ve not had any signs - not seen my mucus plug (I know this isn’t everyone), no cramps, no Braxton hicks either.

I only finished work on Friday, so now im on Mat leave, I’m planning on getting a pedicure or massage on Tuesday, going to see a film and taking myself out to lunch.

If you’re over due or had a baby past due date, how did you cope? What did you do to enjoy the time?