This is a story, I might be dumb and this is no fake story.
Actually I am sharing it here because I need help, I tried seeking therapy and still trying to find a better clinic.
I had a crush on a girl, I am 24M btw, I saw her on one of my friends instagram story. I was genuinely interested in her. So I asked my friend about her details. She said she is okay she is single and you can talk to her, She literally lives 3km apart from my house. So we started chatting via Instagram.
Things went smoothly, I admitted I had a crush on her. (The fact is I am so lonely, I don't have any friends and I don't go out that much been trying to connect with people. My personality is so boring and I don't blame other people.) I talked to her everyday, I in fact confessed I love her(she didn't give any proper reply for that) because her presence really made me happy. I don't know how to explain that feeling. We started talking 24x7. One day she said she wanted to meet me. I remember that day I was so tensed and I couldn't sleep. I couldn't eat that day. I was just looking at the clock, I was like will I reach in time, What if my bike got punctured. She hinted to me that she has a big secret and it is eating her inside she wanted to talk to me directly.
The day arrived, I still remember how my heart throbbed while seeing her, Ngl she was so beautiful and kind of a goddess to me and still is. She was 22 at that time. We started talking, apparently the big secret was. She was in a relationship with a dude who is 7 years older than her. Also they had under age sex (lets say its rape ) . She said she wants to get out of that relationship. I said it's okay, Take your time. Tell him how you feel and come out of it. Then she spilled the beans, and she loves me now. She asked does this matter to you? Tbh I never slightly cared about this. I said take your time to heal , She said nah she was already emotionally detached from him for around 2 years. He was frightening her with self harm threats. btw he was abroad in dubai. So she messaged him saying lets break up and blocked him. I insisted her to give closure to him. She said he will blame me and that will ruin her mental health. Then said it's okay, I just don't want her to be sad.
We officially begin our relationship, We used to go on dates weekly 2-3 times. I was so fuckin happy that was the first time I get a care and affection from someone never got anything before in my entire life (including my mother). She said she wants to marry me as if I am very good, understanding and she also felt very comfortable with me (at least that's what she said and I believed her)As everything this also comes to an end. He ex tried to contact her through a friend he said he wanted to meet.
I trusted her and so Ik he never had proper closure, He is also a dude like me. I said go meet him. Then she called me after meeting him The tone all changed. Suddenly I felt something wrong. She started sugarcoating him like he was a saint. Idk why it broke me I started crying. I think that moment might give her an ick. The next day was the day we agreed to meet. She cancelled it, She said she said she wanted to go to a library. I said okay, I was like suffocating I wanted to see her. I went to the library and it was not open that day. I tried contacting her and she said she had gone to meet a friend to trauma dump. I was acting weird she said, The next day she said we can meet. After a few hours, she cancelled that too (reason her relative died). I eventually found she had gone to meet her ex or her current bf. Then she ended everything in a call, That I might bring up the past and haunt her with. I never did that to her not one time. I never even asked the name of his ex or his details, I said it was a closed chapter and in the final call I begged her to stay with me I said I will forget everything, we can start this relation in a fresh page. Nah she never agreed. Never agreed to meet. (Skipped many details it has already become a big story). She blocked me everywhere, because in that final call we argued. I asked are you guys back? She just beat around the bush and I asked yes/No she said Yes and that's what you want right. I remember that like I wanted that. So I said okay.
Blocked me, After many months I couldn't handle the pain. I tried to contact her. I just wanted to apologise to her for crashing out I just wanted to end this on a good note.
Decided to sacrifice my remaining self respect that was practically 0 now it is -999, I asked my common friend for help. If she could unblock me.
She did, I apologised. And begged her to keep me unblocked i never texted her. After that.
Meanwhile his bf, who contacted me said he wanted to meet. Like I was a nuisance, He wanted to beat me up ig. But that never happened I thought i could really use my mma skills that I have been practicing for 2 years but that never happened.
The problem is I still love her, I don't know what kind of black magic she did.
Now I am stuck there, I don't know what to do. Isolating myself watching a shit load of movies. Yeah I am cinephile.
I really don't know what to say, Thank you for reading all of this Have a great day, and thank you for your time I sincerely wish you all the best.