u/PsychologicalBug3834

this is probably going to get me called lazy, entitled, selfish or spoiled and honestly i've heard it all before so go for it. i'm 24 and i've worked on and off since i was 16. i've worked in retail, hospitality, care and now i work in a bookmakers. i've been there for just over a year and i've never been more depressed in my life. the thing is, i don't even think it's this job anymore. every single job i've ever had has made me miserable. i always tell myself maybe the next one will be different but it never is. after all these years i've realised i don't hate my job, i hate working. i know some people love careers and genuinely enjoy working and i respect that, but i'm just not one of those people. i'm happiest at home. yes i struggle with my mental health and i know staying home isn't some magical cure, but every time i work i feel like i'm sacrificing the life i actually want. ever since i was about 8 years old my dream has been to get married, have children and be a housewife. that's genuinely all i've ever wanted. i like looking after a home, cooking, cleaning, organising things and making a place feel peaceful. i don't dream about promotions or climbing a career ladder. before anyone says i just want someone else to pay for me, i understand that's a huge responsibility for another person and not everyone wants that kind of relationship. i'm only talking about what would genuinely make me happy. instead i spend most of my life working just to survive. by the time i get home i'm exhausted, my mental health is worse and i feel like i'm getting further away from the life i've always wanted. i've even lost opportunities because of work, whether that's talking stages fizzling out, missing time with people i cared about or just feeling like my twenties are disappearing while i work to pay bills. the depressing part is i need the money, so i don't really have a choice. i get up, go to work, come home exhausted and repeat. i honestly can't imagine doing this for another 40 years. does anyone else feel like this? not just hating their job, but genuinely feeling like the whole work until you retire lifestyle just isn't for them? i feel like there has to be more to life than this.

i don't even know if this makes any sense and i'm scared this is a really haram thing to say but i need to get it off my chest

has anyone else ever felt like life gets worse every time they start praying?

i love allah, i genuinely do. i love salah and i love listening to the qur'an, but i've become terrified of praying because it honestly feels like every single time i sincerely turn back to allah and ask him for help, everything in my life falls apart afterwards.

it's got to the point where i almost feel like i have control over it. if i don't pray, maybe things will just stay the way they are. i know that sounds irrational and i know that's not how islam teaches us to think, but my mental health is so bad that i can't cope with everything crashing down around me again.

the last time i prayed was just over a month ago and since then i've had to take sickness leave from work because my mental health completely collapsed. i haven't left my house in over a month. i'm depressed, i'm barely eating, my sleep is all over the place, nothing makes me happy anymore and i don't enjoy any of the things i used to.

most days i can only just get out of bed to feed my cats, then i get straight back into bed. that's been my life for weeks.

the strange thing is i still listen to the qur'an every single day because hearing it brings me comfort, but at the same time it almost feels like i'm avoiding allah because i'm scared to stand and pray.

astaghfirullah astaghfirullah 😭

i feel so guilty even writing this because i don't want anyone to think i blame allah. i don't. i know allah is the most merciful and i know he loves his servants more than we can imagine.

i'm just scared.

has anyone been through something similar? how did you overcome this fear? i don't want to run away from salah, but every time i think about praying my brain tells me "if you pray, something bad is going to happen again."

please be kind, i'm already struggling enough and i'm genuinely looking for advice from people who might understand.

title says it all really 😭

i'm a 24f from the uk and on september 30th i'm finally flying out to pakistan to meet my long distance boyfriend for the first time. we've been together since march 2025 and my visa has finally been approved so it's actually happening and!!!!! it doesn't even feel real

honestly nobody around me really supports this relationship. everyone thinks i'm making a mistake because he's from pakistan and he's a few years younger than me. i've heard every opinion imaginable over the last year and a half, but despite all that we're both ridiculously excited. we've waited so long for this moment.

at the same time though??? i'm absolutely terrified.

i've never been on a plane before in my life. i suffer with pretty bad anxiety anyway, so the thought of airports, security, check in, boarding, customs... !!!!literally everything..!?!?!?!?. is making my brain go into overdrive.

and can somebody please explain baggage to me like i'm five years old? 😭

my ticket says i have 25kg checked baggage, but i genuinely don't understand how any of it works. i'm the type of person that needs things explaining really clearly or my brain just refuses to process it.

my plan was to take two suitcases, a backpack and a handbag because obviously i want room to bring gifts home and buy things while i'm there. but then i start wondering:(

am i actually allowed two suitcases if the allowance is 25kg total? or does that mean one suitcase? does a backpack count? does a handbag count? can i check in two smaller suitcases instead of one big one? what happens if i'm even 1kg over? do they weigh absolutely everything? what do i keep with me? what can't i pack? honestly i think i've watched about 50 airport videos and somehow i'm even more confused than when i started. 😭

sorry im rambling

anyway

we've loved each other since march 2025. we've spoken every single day. we've spent countless hours on video calls. he's seen me crying, laughing, having panic attacks, being ill, looking like i've just rolled out of bed, everything. he knows every part of my life and i know every part of his.

but i still have this horrible fear:(

what if he just doesn't find me attractive in person?

i'm a bigger girl. he knows exactly what i look like. i've never hidden it from him. we've video called constantly for well over a year and he's always told me he doesn't care and that i'm beautiful to him.

but i can't stop worrying that seeing someone through a phone and seeing them standing in front of you are two completely different things.

has anyone else met their long distance partner and had these thoughts beforehand? did anyone else spend months convincing themselves the other person would be disappointed when they saw you?

i think my anxiety is just trying to convince me that everything that can go wrong... will go wrong.

thanks for reading<3