u/PumpkinSeed-2002

Me (27F) and my boyfriend (32M) have been dating for just under two years. We’ve recently broken up- meaning he finally accepted that we should end. Since it’s ended, I keep feeling like I was the abusive one (he told me so). Our relationship started and I noticed he was very serious and I took this as a positive. He called me a liar pretty on because I didn’t share something traumatic on our second date when the convo came up. I explained that it was my boundary and he didn’t accept and it was a fight for a long time. I smoke weed socially, and he was aware of that before the relationship. Then it became unattractive. Then it became “it gives you anxiety and makes you dumb”. He started quizzing me on multiplication while I was high or would berate me to the point getting high and telling him = disaster. I was open to him having female friends since they “weren’t close” but then I saw FaceTimes, heart emojis and paragraphs. I thought he was lying to me about the closeness and it gave me anxiety. I also caught him staring at girls and it would cause a lot of anxiety. I got upset sometimes even in public. Some days I wouldn’t say anything but others it was too much. I know it’s wrong but it was so hard. I got cheated on in the past. He would tell me he’s going to lock me up and keep me. He hit a wall right on top of my head, threw tissues at me, almost threw a lamp at me. He grabbed me aggressively one day because I didn’t fold his clothes right. Then I tried fixing them but it wasn’t enough. Later we got drunk that night and I ended up hitting him (according to him) I don’t remember. I woke up to my whole arm bruised, my butt bruised and my clothes ripped. My underwear was ripped too, I asked him if we had sex. He said no. I’m not sure because I don’t remember. I did get angry at him often, which isn’t right but for talking to women, giving them attention, and just not being able to trust him. He would get mad at me if I didn’t fold his clothes right, posted online, hung out with my friends/ family because they weren’t “right influences”. He called me dumb and trashy because I get long nails sometimes. He said I should go back to school and when I started because of him he told me the classes I take are for dumb people. I definitely wasn’t my best version, I hid smoking on some days. I also shouldn’t have gotten angry. I should’ve just kept my nails short all the time (I had long nails when we met, and twice in the past two months). I feel like I should’ve been better and done better but I’m not sure. I’m feeling like I was a problem because I got so angry about his female friends. I also feel like I ruined him and made him so angry at me because I didn’t accept certain things. I also just need advice that I made the right decision to end it all. I feel like shit because I got so angry sometimes and lied about smoking weed sometimes. It would just be embarrassing when I would be with my friends and he’s calling 15+ times and calling me every name in the book. So I felt like I had to lie:(. Help lol

Below are some of my ways I save money and I’m curious to hear yours too!
- no car payments (2007 car)
- fasting (saves calories and pennies)
- not buying new clothes for every event/ vacation
- living with parents/ rent free
- saving receipts for tax purposes
- no drinking often
- no designer stuff unless gifted/ second hand
- wearing shoes until they have holes

How long into the relationship or dating do you tell them? I’m 27F network $380k. I get nervous of the dynamic shifting or guys feeling emasculated or insecure. Dating is already hard. I also heard advice from Kevin O’Leary and how his mom kept her investments a secret from her husbands and it worked in the long run.

27F, I’m currently at a net worth of around 380k. I don’t have “status” in the typical sense of luxury new car, prestigious job title, designer bags/ shoes etc. I didn’t chase that either. I started investing on my 18th bday and I decided to build wealth instead. For the last bit, I started feeling like other people’s respect is based on what they see. I notice how much more people perk to speak to someone with a job that’s “higher” on the social ladder. When I say x,y,z I notice an almost like oh it’s okay and move on to talk to someone else. I just think as you get older, social groups and status matter. I never cared and I still kinda don’t but in a way I feel like it leads to less opportunities. It feels fine because yes I know I am in a certain spot in my life but no one knows besides my immediate family. I don’t know why I feel bad about it. It just feels a bit mean. Maybe I still feel behind. Whats your opinion on this?